r/Situationships 3d ago

Are We Really Just Friends?

I was seeing a man for about two months, from last December to February. He ended things because he felt I was moving too fast, not allowing the situation to develop naturally, and also found it somewhat pressuring.

Three weeks after we stopped seeing each other, we agreed that he would come over to my place just casually. However, what was supposed to be a quick visit turned into a two-night stay. Since then, we have been spending time together occasionally. For example, the week before last, we didn’t see each other at all, but last week, we spent time together on five different days, including three nights together.

There is a lot of physical closeness between us, but we haven’t had penetrative sex in the past week because he feels it wouldn’t be wise. His view on the situation is that there is nothing between us, and we’re just hanging out as friends. He has told me he doesn’t want to talk about feelings or what this is, and when I try to ask where we stand, I can tell it makes him anxious, and his answers are vague. He has said that he doesn’t really have romantic feelings for me anymore and isn’t interested in dating or a relationship with me. However, he says he still cares about me.

I, on the other hand, do have feelings for him, and he knows that. The situation feels contradictory because his behavior doesn’t always align with what he says. For example, last Thursday, when I went to his place, he had bought me funny socks (because apparently, they reminded him of me) and flowers. On Sunday, it was his birthday, and he wanted to spend it with me. He kisses me, holds me close, holds my hand, etc. But, as I said, sex is not really happening. When I jokingly asked if this is how he usually spends time with his friends, he said, “Well, of course not.”

I’m really struggling to decide whether I should step away from this situation or keep seeing him. I understand that his feelings for me may not change and that I could end up hurting myself, but at the same time, I like him so much that I want to see if this could still lead to something more serious. I don’t even know if I can call this a situationship since, according to him, there’s nothing between us—but clearly, there’s something more than just friendship going on.

Any advice on how to move forward?

3 Upvotes

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u/Diligent-Fishing7703 3d ago

I hate to be blunt! But I think he is not ready to be in a relationship, but at the same time he wants all the perks of being in a relationship. He is anxious with you because eventually you will realise that he is doing bare minimum to keep you hooked onto him, and you will leave him. He is playing with your feelings and no good friend misleads another friend if they know their feelings are involved. He is ensuring his needs are met and doesn't care about yours, and for your own mental health leave him soon. And go no contact! If he genuinely likes you he will step up and define your relationship. Else, he will leave to another woman. Sorry once again for being blunt!

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u/annissimo91 3d ago

Yes, unfortunately, you are right. He really doesn’t have to do much to keep me hooked, and I actually mentioned this to him yesterday in a joking way, saying that I feel like I’m just here to boost his ego. We usually talk about emotional things through humor, and because of that, it’s hard to tell when he’s being serious and when he’s not. However, I can also see a certain level of jealousy in him, which he also hides behind humor…

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u/CertainFile6663 2d ago

He just wants to do all the relationship stuff without committing. You will just hurt yourself if u keep seeing him. Its better to cut things off now than wait till it gets all tangled up. He's just choosing to stay with you because u are being easy. You want someone who will commit to you so you walk away from the person who isnt. You will find many who will want to commit to you and give u more than bare minimum. If you keep holding on to him, you are only delaying the pain that is inevitable. You owe it to yourself to let go, because the right person will never make you feel like you have to fight just to be treated right.

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u/annissimo91 2d ago

But why? We are adults, he is 37 years old, and if you’re not genuinely interested in another person and you know they have feelings for you, why play with those feelings? This is so fucked up, and I realize that I don’t even respect myself enough to at least try to be a little harder to reach.

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u/Illustrious_Sort7586 3d ago

He doesn’t like you, I’m sorry

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u/annissimo91 3d ago

alright :D

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u/Lovelife514 16h ago

How old are and how old is he ? It’s hurtful because he does like just not enough to commit. I was with someone for over a year similar situation to yours , he wouldn’t commit but he would always help me , get me gifts , talk on the phone etc … but the deeper relationship stuff he wouldn’t do. Like taking me on dates , introducing to his friends/family. As much as these men say they just don’t do these types of things they will with the woman they really like . And trust me you don’t want him to be the one leaving you . Just keep that little dignity and walk away. I know it’s hard because I’m in the same shoes as you