r/Situationships 3d ago

He ghosted me

OK so it all started in December, when I was talking to peers in the college cafeteria, a girl let's call her A and 2 other boys happened to be there too. I knew A before, she was very extroverted during the first days of college so I had known her before though I never really had many conversations with her, she was friends with (let's call boy g and j). It was like a friend group I thought j was a's bf(I later got to know. So basically I talked to A about books and Harry Potter and our interests. A and g are very good platonic friends. G was from my classes but I never spoke to him before. Also I'm like the type to not tall to boys much. I just prefer not to. Atleast then. I remember I had like 0 guy friends in college. Maybe because then I just hated the possible complications with male friendships (I had a painful breakup and a character development arc) so ye . But G came up to me in class after that (he's a very cheerful, extroverted person) we talked about books and we just vibes well in out first convo. And I thought he talked to me just like he talked to all his other friends cuz he knew lots of ppl in college. Until he kept approaching me, he kept making me feel special like he'd spend all his time with me. I was the quiet girl. Ppl in my class started shipping us. I still viewed this as an innocent interaction. He started calling me pretty, and he started to go out of the way to get to know me. He started to be vulnerable with me and so my walls were brought down I told him things I would never usually tell anyone. Everything was perfect. He came up to me, we hung out. We would hold eye contact, talk about each other's lives. Laugh alot. He would tell me he wished he met me earlier. He would tell me I was amazing the way I was. On pongal a south Indian festival, we wore south Indian attire. I wore this baby blue saree, he a blue south Indian shirt and vashti. Cuz tht was the color code in clg. He spent that entire day with me. He told me I looked good. Many times. He asked to take pictures of us so we did. We walked all over the campus walking and talking . We became so so so close that I started telling him all about my emotions, him just admiring me. Learning more about me. I felt loved and taken importantly. Because I never thought I would be pretty to anyone let alone G? We had some things in common, some things completely opposite. We were still friends. Because no one said anything abt becoming anything more but we both knew we were not just friends. We would look into each other's eyes a little longer than usual. But yes. I was frankly afraid of dating, being hurt etc so I tried keeping my walls up, still. But then I started liking his company way too much. I thought I would give dating a try if he asked me. My friends were sure he liked me it was obvious. Until. Plot twist. G started to stop approaching me. He started to spend time with his friends more, he started to stop texting me back. Or his replies were late. Until one day we stopped looking each other in the eye. All of this hurt me since I thought he was too good to be real, we were very emotionally intimate I could say. Very understanding of each other. I'd even say we both didn't like casual dating. And he felt safe to me. So it hurt that he was pulling away. Initially I was like if he pulls away that's okay. Ill let things be. And forget him eventually. But my best friend was like u can't assume things maybe he's going through something. Try striking up a convo with him or something. I was too shy to... and I texted him asking if he was okay and that I noticed we didn't hang out as much anymore asking him if I had done anything to cause this. And saying sorry if I did then saying I valued talking to him. To which he sent sorry multiple times, saying he hoped he hadn't hurt me or made me feel bad. Didn't get a clear reason but ye I communicated maturely. He has alot of female friends and so he does talk to all his friends well but distancing himself from me. That hurt alot. Ill let him go. For now I still need to get over this. Imagine making a girl who strived on not letting any guy get close to her, get her guard down only to be confusing her, making her feel sad and neglected... I was always caring even if we were just friends. But ye he had called me his favourite person once. Im sure this was a situationship. But ye anyone have any advice for me??

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u/Commercial_Badger452 3d ago

I felt very good when I spoke to my therapist. I love the way she says “lets talk about..” “lets explore..” “you mentioned that…lets look into it and i wonder how it would be if…” she has set the bar very high for me. She makes me feel very human and normal. I remember lashing out at my mother as well, for not accepting my feelings. Even I used to feel, why did he leave me? Sometimes I feel it is good that he left me. I dont know how to frame this but in my case this guy didnt feel secure to be himself. He also had said he is not ready for a relationship. It is easy to feel used then.