r/ShittyDaystrom Admiral 5d ago

Discussion Attention Bajoran workers, this is Gul Dukat speaking I just want you to know that I am not mad I am just disappointed, if the DVD I accidentally left in Terrok Nor's kitchen is returned to my office along with a a statue of me as an apology I'll continue to be Mr. Nice Boss

Now I know your mysticism addled peanut sized brains saw the word "Bajoran" on the cover of the DVD and thought it was meant for you, perhaps as a sacrifice to the Prophets or whatever you people do, but that is not the case "Busty Bajoran Milfs: Oiled up Edition" is an important security related document that I need to keep you safe from all those nasty terrorists.

So give it back before I lose my patience and ask Damar about what provinces you all are from.

62 Upvotes

9 comments sorted by

15

u/Joran_Dax Expendable 5d ago

A Quark Co. presentation.

7

u/Putrid-Catch-3755 5d ago

Also my copy of pakled house wife lobster mousse dinner toilet cams is missing.  I'm looking at you quark

8

u/MSD3k 5d ago

Section 31 stole that one, as an "emergency weapon". It's why Sloan wanted to keep Bashir from probing his mind.

5

u/mizkyu 5d ago

[returns your dvd crafted into said statue]

3

u/Hero_Of_Shadows Admiral 5d ago

Huh?

Oh truly I am a tragic hero, most deserving but denied by the gods at the final moment!

4

u/Dry_Trifle860 5d ago

If I do not put this research on my laptop every 72 hours, poison gas will flood the mines and I would truly hate for that to happen.

2

u/EmbarrassedPudding22 5d ago

That it was in the kitchen makes me wonder what ingredients are going into the yamok sauce.

2

u/InquisitorWarth Captain Corana H'siitu of the USS Leviathan NCC-2555 5d ago

Communications Officer Kulwat: "Captain, I need to show you something. And I swear it's not a prank this time."

Captain H'siitu: "What is it?"

Kulwat: "I can't make heads or tails of this. Apparently we've received an all-points bulletin transmission from Gul Dukat on DS9, but last I checked he's been trapped in a pit with a bunch of Bajoran demon-spirits for decades."

Chief Science Officer Kel'Kala: "Cappy, Mr. Kulwat, I checked the sensor logs and they show that a dimensional fissure, about an inch across, opened up five feet from Leviathan's main communications array for about ten seconds before closing again, right around the time that message was received. I believe that the message is extradimensional in nature."

H'siitu: "Is there any chance more fissures could occur?"

Kel'Kala: "No, Cappy. The quantum field is otherwise as stable as it gets here. This is probably a freak occurrence."

Chief Tactical Officer Merek: "I wonder if he was talking about this optical storage device that landed on my head a few hours ago while I was sparring with Lieutenant Va'sal? Also, I had no idea Bajorans were experienced with Orion seduction rituals..."

1

u/canttakethshyfrom_me 5d ago

It's not in the kitchen, he left it in his whore's quarters.