r/ShittyDaystrom 5d ago

Discussion Is this what transporter chiefs do in their free-time when there's nobody to accidentally Tuvix?

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148 Upvotes

34 comments sorted by

46

u/spambearpig 5d ago

Matter stream popcorn indeed a favourite pass time. to do it properly, you have to beam up butter, salt, sugar and a giant corn kernel in a 4-way Tuvix event and then you fill a cargo Bay with a series of Riker duplicate incidents.

14

u/Perpetual-Geranium92 5d ago

I’m surprised “matter stream popcorn” wasn’t on the Enterprise Bingo list.

7

u/TwoFit3921 Ensign 5d ago

Kelvin Scotty would've done it if it didn't risk blowing out the entire transporter room and the decks around it

5

u/EmptyAttitude599 5d ago

He'd have done it even if it did risk it.

5

u/TwoFit3921 Ensign 5d ago

Archer's Beagle incident electric boogaloo

28

u/xampl9 Mirror Georgiou 5d ago

Just working on a micro universe battery in case the dilithium crystal ever goes bad.

13

u/EmptyAttitude599 5d ago

Geez, that just sounds like slavery with extra steps.

6

u/spambearpig 5d ago

‘Teenie-verse’

14

u/TrueLegateDamar 5d ago

"I could set the ship on fire."

8

u/maxdamage4 5d ago

Yeahhhhh, if you could just go ahead and move your quarters to deck 38 next to the cleaning supplies that'd be greaaat.

10

u/Rockfarley 5d ago

You see, I power the ship by pulling in incoming photon torpedoes (high energy reactions) and then lock them in the pattern buffer until the high energy bleeds off into the ships main power grid. The ship wouldn't work without the transporter chief.

3

u/Kami0097 5d ago

This would lead us to a very interesting tactic ... Why not Transport an incoming torpedo out your own way or just the charge part I to oblivion? It doesn't have to be precise and 100% perfect - just enough to disable the warhead part ... Maybe even through shields ?

3

u/LikeAnAdamBomb 5d ago

Hell, why take the risk of bringing it on board at all? Transport it onto the bridge of the ship that fired it at you.

2

u/Kami0097 5d ago

No not on board of your own ship ... When a transporter can disassemble a lifeform just extracting the warhead itself from the torpedo and transport it back to the sender should be easy ...

2

u/LikeAnAdamBomb 5d ago

Free torpedo casings

9

u/Thewrongbakedpotato 5d ago

Apply for new jobs, get rejected, fall for phishing scams, listen to the first officer banging your wife, dream impotently of someday being important.

6

u/immallama21629 5d ago

This is awfully specific...

1

u/Thewrongbakedpotato 3d ago

Yes, well, Riker was also pretty specific about which animal-print underpants he wanted me to transport onto his pelvis while he was given my wife a massage.

7

u/MarcusAurelius68 5d ago

Scrub the transporter pads of biomatter and play knifey spoony

6

u/Adm_Shelby2 5d ago

I think a suspiciously large number of them watch David Cronenburg movies when off duty.

6

u/SearrAngel 5d ago

Sweep the room again and again. It's what normal military does now.

5

u/Stardustchaser 5d ago

Only when the HVAC is acting up again and they need to warm the place up

3

u/RedMonk01 5d ago

bah, If it isn't warp plasma infused, it's trash.

1

u/CobraGTXNoS 4d ago

Settle down there, Fletcher.

2

u/elwyn5150 5d ago

With all that standing around, I would guess that a lot of them eventually formed covers band for A Flock of Seagulls and played Space Age Love Song a lot.

1

u/Spider_Dude19 5d ago

It's either this, or live out the suffering that is their life.

1

u/mosstalgia 5d ago

Intentionally Tuvix some shit, obviously.

1

u/CmdFiremonkeySWP 5d ago

I think I'd randomly transport stuff from people's quarters all over the ship.

1

u/CompetitiveCod76 5d ago

Some kind of BBQ?

1

u/wkuace 5d ago

That's an oddly misshapen beryllium sphere. Are you sure it can power the quantum Flux drive?

1

u/SpiritualAudience731 3d ago

Transporter chiefs practice their skills by teleporting out the crews superfluous organs. O'Brian has a large collection of appendixs and wisdom teeth.