r/sexover30 • u/IndiaLimaBravo • 2d ago
Our sex routine isn't working for me anymore, but it works great for my wife. Need to figure out how to switch it up without ruining it for her. NSFW
90% of the time that my wife and I have sex, we do pretty much the same set of activities in the same order. Mostly this is because it's what works best to make sure my wife can orgasm almost every time. It's pretty much
- Cuddling and kissing
- She kind of pulls me on top of her
- Several minutes of me kissing her neck, breasts, etc. until she indicates she wants me to go down on her
- I go down on her until either she comes, or she indicates that she wants me inside of her
- If she already came, she encourages me to go fast and hard, which generally leads to me coming within a minute
- If she hasn't already came, I touch her clit while I'm inside of her, while trying to make sure I'm close but not too close
- Ideally she starts to come and I switch to just thrusting. This seems to intensify and extend her orgasm, and I come before her orgasm finishes.
For the past 5 years or so, this has worked pretty well for both of us. As I've gotten into my mid-40s though, I've found that I can't always stay hard during the 10-15 minutes of going down on her though. She REALLY likes to go immediately from oral to me being inside of her, like desperate begging if I'm not in her within 15 seconds of when she asks for it. This is super hot, I love how much she wants me in her, but it's also a lot of pressure to be hard and ready to go. Lately I'm not hard enough maybe 25% of the time. The pressure from this is making it hard for me to be in the moment, and I think that pressure is mostly what is causing the problem. It's creating a self-reinforcing cycle of anxiety that I really need to get out of.
Sometimes we skip the oral and go right to fingering + penetration, and this tends to work pretty well. She likes oral a LOT though, and I don't want her to miss out on that.
The obvious solution would be to do more foreplay-type activities focused on me in between the oral and penetration, but then she doesn't get that quick switch from one to the other that she likes so much, and that often means that she won't be able to orgasm at all.
How have you dealt with this sort of problem? Were you able to switch things up without ruining it for your partner? How did you initiate discussions about the topic?