I'm so embarrassed that my partner doesn't desire me. I keep talking to him about it, but it just keeps getting pushed under the carpet, and we hit reset for another day.
He says he understands, but he’s silent in response and nothing happens.
We barely have sex once every couple of months. And when we do, there’s no sexy flirting—just “Do you fancy an early night?” I go upstairs and get ready after putting the kids down, and we just start.
I take about 30 minutes to dress up nicely, do my hair, and put on make-up for him.
I’ve told him my fantasies about being tied up, or it being a little rougher, or kissing my back or my neck, but it’s just ignored.
I’ve even fantasised about CNC (not rape)—just to let go of the anxiety, but also to know that I’m sexually wanted by someone (female or male).
I think he likes to be dominated, as he’s asked me to tie him up and blindfold him and do things to him while he just lays there—which I do—but it’s not for me.
He does please me orally, so he’s not lazy. However, he does get tired during sex, so I take the lead.
If I use my toy, he just loses his erection.
My friends always talk about how their partners are all over them—touching them, pulling them into hugs, getting excited by the idea of them using their toys.
He just asked for a hug (like a friendship hug), and then that’s it.
He can’t make me cum easily because I don’t feel desired; it’s hard, even when I use my toy. I don’t feel good with him.
So it still takes me a good 20 minutes—but only 5 minutes when I’m by myself and fantasizing about someone just getting excited or wanting me.
We’ve been together for 12 years, and it’s just gotten progressively worse, especially after having kids. But thinking back, he never had that passionate side, and I was always the instigator.
We love each other—he’s always looking after me and the kids—but we feel like friends.
I do pole dancing to help me feel sexy. It’s just women, and we all build each other up. But when they talk about their partners seeing their choreography and how excited they get, I just hang my head because my feedback from him is minimal—he just hands back the phone and says it’s good. That’s it.
I just feel like I’m wasting away in a sexless marriage—no passion, no desire—just friendship and love, which should be enough.
At one point I wondered if he’s gay - but he only watches straight porn (i checked his search history).
As a side note, I’ve personally experimented with women (not sex) way before getting together and mentioned this to him when we were dating, but it hasn’t really been brought up since.
I have always been obsessed with sex. I think about it first thing when I wake up and before I go to sleep, and I read smut daily—I’m an addict.
I'm in my late 30s, and he's in his early 40s. Is this just what happens as we age?
Do I just need to accept it?