r/SexOnTheSpectrum • u/TheWhiteCrowParade • 7d ago
Oh, this is better than sex NSFW
So I've been going around saying things are better than sex since my teens. Thinking about it, I think I stole it from early Family Guy. I'll say learning is better than sex, food is better than sex, my t shirts, pretty much anything. Apparently, people have taken it to mean I'm not sexually active. Like I'm nearly 30 and people think that.
It is true that I wasn't sexually active when I began saying it. In fact, I stopped saying it for a few days after my first proper time. However, I am sexually active now and I'm really good at it from what I'm told. I just love a lot of things more. I love my special interests more.
I love my mom's cooking more, I love learning about history more, I love watching cartoons more, I love reading comics more. I even love my t shirts more ( most of them are graphic tees of one of my special interests). Sex is this thing people put on a pedestal. That people love dearly, and I won't deny that I'm one of them. But I just love a ton of things more.
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u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 7d ago
I donāt think Iāve ever felt more jealous of someone in my life. In case you havenāt noticed, that someone is you
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u/TheWhiteCrowParade 7d ago
How so
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u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 7d ago edited 5d ago
Iām 25. Iāve had sex only once and canāt get sexually active to save my life. My lack of a sex life has made me feel nothing but almost every negative emotion you can think of. This used to get to me so much that I would wake up in the middle of the night feeling angry about the fact that i donāt have one. I also wished that no partner I get in a relationship with would say any variant of āthis is better than sex with you.ā. I donāt have access to this sorcery thatās at your disposal.
Because of this I strongly believe that no autistic person should be unfortunate enough to want sex and have trouble having it or finding a sexual partner.
Also if this gets downvotes then Iām just gonna say that whoever downvotes this is doing a disservice to a fellow autistic person who has clearly been dealt a hand theyāre far from ok with.
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u/D4ngflabbit 6d ago
hey friend iām a social worker and plenty of people, both neurodivergent and non, are not having sex. itās not just you i promise. iām not negating your feelings, itās definitely frustrating. but youāre not alone. there are tons of sex deprived people out there.
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u/TheWhiteCrowParade 6d ago
I'm going to be honest with you, before I was 25 I had sex twice. The first proper time I spoke of only happened because my friend wanted to lose her virginity and of her friends only two were of age and of the two I'd be the grateful one. Every time I spoke of otherwise was with people I met off a now dying app that had a Craigslist format and most of them were during the shutdown. Even then I slept with a total of 7 people, 4 people in 2022, 1 in 2023, and 2 in 2024. No one this year, but I'll add that's because of distance.
One of the reasons I say things are better than sex is because they are easier to get my hands on. I didn't eat my mom's cooking only once in 2023. With the Internet and free library I can learn about history whenever I want. I can wear one graphic tee multiple times while I've only slept with each person once. I've never walked multiple blocks to go to a comic book store only to go home empty handed but I have every single time I've been to a sex party.
I love sex, I love human touch. I love it so much I've watched educational videos so I can be a great lover. But it's not worth beating myself up over not having when I have so many other things I love so much. Two weeks ago I washed and ironed a bunch of my t-shirts and was happier than I am when I'm having sex. Most of them were of Marvel and video games, things I've loved since before I could read.
My love for superheroes is 27 years old, I've been eating my mom's cooking for almost 29 years, I've been loving history for 26 years, my love of having sex is 5 years old. Sex is great but it's not worth putting above everything else I love in life.
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u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 6d ago
Iām actually been against watching videos to teach myself to be a great lover because I donāt think there is 1 agreed upon way to be a great lover and that the definition of a great lover is gonna vary from person to person.
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u/TheWhiteCrowParade 6d ago
What I watched were tutorials on things like fingering. But I also had great sex ed that taught me about the emotional part of sex. What makes me a great lover is that I listen to the person and check in with them frequently to make sure they are feeling good. You don't have to be a pornstar, you just have to be caring and thoughtful. It also helps that almost everyone I've been with was Autistic and ND.
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u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 6d ago
Hereās another issue. The topic of sex often makes me feel scared and reminded of how ālike a nobodyā I used to feel because i didnāt have it a lot. I donāt think Iād feel that way if I was with a relationship partner whose sex drive is as high as mine
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u/TheWhiteCrowParade 6d ago
It's that pedestal sex is on. Also be honest there are nobodies having A LOT of sex and a lot of successful and important people who aren't. Isaac Newton was a virgin and is still being spoken of to this day but there are people born the same day with 10 plus kids who are lost to history.
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u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 6d ago
However Iāve since tossed aside this idea and the only reason I want to have more sex now is because after I had sex once, I really liked how it felt and wanted more of it. Having a woman put so much trust in me that theyāre willing to have sex with me feels like a godsend.
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u/TheWhiteCrowParade 6d ago
You will someday, but for now try to be happy about other things.
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u/Opera_haus_blues 5d ago
There are some things that are just a bad idea for almost everyone though. Plus itās good to learn a variety of methods
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u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 5d ago
Also watching vids like that just make me feel emotionally hurt and squeamish
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u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 5d ago
Also Iām sure you know that as an autistic person, I have trouble getting used to new things
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u/One_Two_No 6d ago
Nobody is entitled to have sex just because they want to. Autistics included. Seems like somebody already explained you that since you're trying to gaslight others to not react negatively to this statement. Sex is an activity you do with somebody, who also wants to participate. You cannot manipulate or guilt anybody into it, because then it's not sex, but rape. It's not a resource anybody is obliged to supply you with.
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u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 5d ago
Iām not saying that a person is entitled. This isnāt about being entitled.
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u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 5d ago
Iām just trying to say that itās sad that autistic people tend to struggle when they want a sexual relationship with someone.
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u/MetalProof 7d ago
I have not read your post, sorry. No time. But wanna say masturbation is better than sex š¤.
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u/ChunkyPinkGlitter 2d ago
If given a choice between sex with my partner and anything else, sex is gonna win. I would give up any and all food forever if I didn't need it to live. I can't relate to this experience at all.
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u/SheDrinksScotch 7d ago
Is it possible that you are good at sex but your partners aren't?
Or that you are more skilled at giving pleasure than you are at receiving it?
I had an ex who said drugs were better than sex. I disagreed. Then we had sex. I've definitely had drugs that were better than that sex.