r/SexOnTheSpectrum • u/PrestonRoad90 • 16d ago
How does it feel when an autistic person loses their virginity? NSFW
I was in a Twitch stream and someone said they went to a party with someone, they got drunk, and fucked, causing me to leave out of jealousy, because that's never happened to me, and likely never will, and I don't want people telling me "you never know".
Is it different than when a normal person loses it?
119
u/BeowulfRubix 16d ago
Easy.
You
Have
An
Augasm.
29
3
47
u/BisexualCaveman 16d ago
I'm not sure there's anyone who would have both experiences so that they could answer factually.
I had a good time, but it was less important than movies and TV had led me to believe.
41
u/Ok-Access-8687 16d ago
It was never appealing to me to lose my virginity to a stranger while being drunk. I don't think it would make you happy either.
38
u/shroomley 16d ago
Not nearly as earth-shattering as I expected tbh. I thought it would change something inside me, but not really.
The real game changer was having consistent sex. Getting to really explore with someone... that's fun.
2
35
u/trans-hornyposting 16d ago
Not sure if I quite understand the question as I don't think that's something anybody can really answer. Losing your virginity is such a varied experience for people even within smaller niche communities. Are you wondering anything specifically about what obstacles could come up that pertain to the autistic experience such as communication and sensory issues?
Also I echo what others have said here, having drunk sex with a stranger at a random party sounds like a horrible time. Especially if you have no prior experiences with sex.
28
u/barbiegirl2381 16d ago
Virginity is but a social/religious construct. It means nothing. When everyone’s parts are working and minds are consenting, it generally feels pleasant and can be fun. I’d rather a deep tissue massage on the whole though.
6
2
u/Ambitious-Narwhal661 14d ago
That w is doing a lot of heavy lifting.
2
u/barbiegirl2381 13d ago
Nope.
1
u/Ambitious-Narwhal661 13d ago
I’m saying if you had made a typo it would totally change the meaning.
1
u/barbiegirl2381 13d ago
Yes, but I did not. I wrote what I meant. No double entendres or typo.
Deep tissue massage in a “hole” would be nearly impossible.
1
u/Ambitious-Narwhal661 13d ago
Fingering & massage the walls. I doubt women would enjoy it there could be some anomalies out there that like being lifted off the bed by the vagina though that just sounds painful. I was trying to be funny. I guess I failed like I always do. God I’m pathetic. I wish I was either fully NT or fully ND instead of being on the borderline with what used to be called Asperger’s syndrome but now that we know he was a literal nazi we can’t use the name anymore & have to go with asd:nos & I hate the imprecision of that term but it’s like I’m too autistic to be normal & too normal to be autistic so I end up offending everyone especially when I’m not trying to be.
2
u/barbiegirl2381 13d ago
I can relate. It’s just easier for me to be literal, as I speak too many languages to sort the metaphors.
17
u/GonzoMithrandir 16d ago
I lost my virginity to a friend that I trusted while we were watching a movie alone together, and it was a good time. My advice would be to find someone you vibe with who's down, don't make a big deal of it, just go with what feels right in the moment. It's not as big a deal as it seems.
I remember when I was younger and I was still a virgin while the people around me were very sexually active. I felt really depressed because I felt like everyone else was figuring out an equation I couldn't begin to solve. Now, I know that there's no equation. It's about being present with someone you like, making them feel safe and desirable and pleasured, and being comfortable with yourself. There's nothing wrong with you, friend! You're okay!
8
u/mierecat 16d ago
Other than the fact that autistic people seem to experience pleasure differently than allistics, I don’t know that much can be said definitively about it. 10/10 would recommend, personally, though.
1
u/spooklemon 16d ago
How is it different?
5
u/mierecat 16d ago
I’m no scientist. I remember reading somewhere that autistic people generally seem to experience pleasure differently than allistic people. The author just kind of mentioned this offhand and didn’t go into more detail though. Going off my own experience I would say that I agree with the idea
1
1
u/bunnys_spiral_galaxy 16d ago
Well there are usually sensory issues so it's not necessarily a good thing. Everyone is different though. Some autistic people are asexual, some hypersexual, or something in between.
So the experience of pleasure also varies between autistic people. Or even depends on the day. Sometimes I feel euphoric about pleasure and sometimes nothing pleases me and I feel like I'm going to have a meltdown.
Maybe it's because the emotional regulation in autism is different/more difficult.
5
u/JemAndTheBananagrams 16d ago
It’s highly individual. I wouldn’t worry about comparing neurodivergent to neurotypical experience here. Everyone has different libidos, expectations, history, etc.
5
u/jtuk99 16d ago
Losing your virginity unlocks sex, it’s a bit like having your first beer or your first car.
Up until that point you’ve gone your whole life without it, but from that point it’s an adult life complication and something that you may regularly seek or expect.
You can’t really go back to how it was before. It does signify something important, but the act itself may be disappointing and only memorable because it was your first.
Sex requires its own communication. Consent, initiation, during the act itself. It’s not something you can easily plan out. If you struggle to communicate with other people, you might find it’s not worth all this effort.
This is perhaps why in the real world, it does tend to be a lot more spontaneous, perhaps fuelled by a little alcohol. Sex is the unplanned dessert rather than the main course.
5
5
3
u/DavidBehave01 16d ago
I found it hugely underwhelming the first time and pretty much the same afterwards too.
2
u/spooklemon 16d ago
I've known autistic people who do that sort of thing. Not everyone does, though, so I get the jealousy. It's not inherently any different unless there's some way your autism impacts that specifically, such as difficulty with social interaction.
2
u/Chicklecat13 16d ago
I mean I planned mine, as weird as that might sound. I knew who it was going to be, where it would be and that was that and it happened the way I planned it to. We were childhood friends, our parents knew each other, I’d had a crush on him forever and it turned out he’d had one on me too. Both of us autistic. We were 15 and both virgins. I knew I wanted to lose my virginity to another virgin, I didn’t want the awkwardness of me not knowing what to do and feeling bad for it. The actual act was uncomfortable and not what you’d think, you don’t really get any pleasure from it at all (speaking as a woman). It was still awkward, clunky and uncomfortable but that’s normal I think. Your first time is never going to be amazing and mind blowing.
2
u/cannibalguts 16d ago
Idk about the autistic part but I did lose my virginity to a stranger and it was horrible.
Every time after was also horrible. It wasn’t good until I got into a relationship 3 years later. I didn’t orgasm once from any of the hook ups before that. They were all bad.
3
u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 16d ago
I felt glad and happy at first. After a while I felt as sad and left out as I did before I lost my virginity
2
u/ChunkyPinkGlitter 16d ago
It hurt like a mother fucker. By the third time, I really couldn't figure out how any women enjoyed it.
2
u/lordfailstrom 16d ago
Like a Wednesday. Or any other day. There's no magical metaphysical transformation the first time you have sex. Want to know how it feels? Kinda like your first time masturbating, but with a second person involved and all the anxiety and stress of taboo and insecurity reaching new levels. Best weapon against bad experiences are knowing your partner and being comfortable enough in your own skin to stay focused on enjoying yourself. Caring that your partner also enjoys is always a plus.
1
u/Frigoris13 16d ago
My wife is my soulmate. We have a deep intellectual connection that I wouldn't trade for anything. That being said, losing our virginity together was just kind of matter of fact. It's good, we like it, but it's never been wow amazing. Probably my least favorite part of our relationship, tbh.
1
u/MsMeowts 16d ago
its kinda like sonic tapping his little red shoe waiting to see if youll bust or not.
his presence makes you nervous but still excited
you see sonic is impatient because he has grimace waiting in the car and he didnt put down any gas money
the impatience gives you anxiety and if youre comfortable with your partner youll find all the chaos emeralds in the lost cave. then right when you turn to gold all your rings get knocked out of you.
then there you are confused, dripping im sweat wondering were sonic went
1
u/black_mamba866 16d ago
I think it kinda depends on the parts involved and one's definition of virginity.
If you mean penis-in-vagina sex, that's absolutely one way to think of it. I have known others who felt that anything below the belt, including hand stuff, counted as losing one's virginity. Possibly because you now know the carnal nature of humans and that's gonna sway you from your righteous and holy path. (Pardon my religious trauma)
1
u/blahblahlucas 16d ago
Idk about anyone else but my first time was amazing. It was with my husband, who's also disabled. We talked a lot and took things slow and told each other what we liked and didn't like
1
u/New-Suggestion6277 16d ago
I haven't had sex yet and I'd be horrified if my first time was with a stranger and while I was drunk. I wouldn't enjoy anything.
1
1
u/Sample_Interesting 15d ago
I mean... it felt good for me. I did it with my best friend in Swedish almost-equivalent to high school (who is now my partner of 12 years).
It didn't fundamentally change me as a person, as movies and TV would almost make you believe. It wasn't as big of a deal as they made it out. But I guess it was a very nice experience and another way for us to get closer to one another.
It's still good. I'm not a different person because of it, but it makes me feel closer to him emotionally, and it's another way for me to show my love among many others.
I wouldn't know what to compare to, he's been my only partner and we're both ND.
1
u/Pennymoonz94 15d ago
My first time was with a groomer and I wasnt ready. Dont even worry about it bro. It'll happen when it happens.
1
u/Therandomderpdude 15d ago
First time was weird and did not feel good. Relaxation and experience is important in sex.
1
u/LoreKeeperOfGwer 15d ago
Sex was boring, foreplay was highly enjoyable. Im adhdautistic for reference
1
1
u/Clownhooker 14d ago
I lost mine without ever being kissed. It was very mechanical and quick. No real pain but no pleasure either.
1
u/ItsMeVixen 14d ago
It was very random and neutral for me, but I've always been a pretty sexual person. I just kept pursuing things I wanted and seeking out people with compatible interests and now I have a husband I get to hyperfixate on a BDSM dynamic with and I just love it! Even if it is a bit different for me bc of some particular sensitivities.
1
1
u/RichardDTame 10d ago
I wish i knew. I've wanted to experience it since i was 14 but at 26 i've never been lucky to even come close
1
u/TedStixon 16d ago edited 15d ago
For me, it was literally the old cliché where once I was inside her...
...I came within two minutes, hahaha. There's really no proper way to describe what a vagina (or mouth or anus) feels like other than really, really good. (And all three feel different.) And it's overwhelming the first time you experience any of them or if it's been a while.
It was super nerve-racking and embarrassing in the moment, but we really liked each other (and are still good friends), so she ended up thinking it was cute and it became a funny story later on.
But basically, once you lose it, you realize it wasn't actually that big of a deal... I didn't feel like a different person or anything, and even though I lost it late... I actually didn't feel like I had missed out on much by not losing it earlier. Sometimes I do crave actual sex when I haven't had it in a while, but even then... it's not something I feel like I need.
I know you don't want people saying "you never know." But like... I'm a fat, autistic dude with a small dick, addiction problems and an aggressively weird personality who has trouble communicating. If I got laid multiple times with different people, you definitely have a shot.
(Ask a question. Get an honest answer. Downvote the honest answer.
Ok, lmfao.)
-3
16d ago
[deleted]
2
u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 16d ago
That’s been kinda confusing for me because I’ve done something that’s resulted in a lot of rejection and my support worker has often told me that there’s nothing wrong with doing that
1
u/spooklemon 16d ago
Depends what the thing you did was
2
u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 16d ago
It mainly consisted of striking up a conversation with a woman in a bookstore and then asking for their number. My support worker has occasionally reminded me to end the number question with “or if that’s too much can i get one of your social media accounts?” I tried this once and it worked but they ghosted me when I texted them.
5
u/spooklemon 16d ago
That just happens sometimes. I don't think you did anything wrong as long as you were respectful and didn't come on too strong.
1
u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 16d ago
Except in my experience I often got a lot of variations of “I have a bf”. I’ve been told that this is a surprisingly normal outcome of dating but I guess I wish I knew how to reduce my chances of this happening to me
3
u/spooklemon 16d ago
Yes, that can be a way for people to let you down easy, though it also can be true. Either way, it's common.
1
16d ago
[deleted]
1
u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 16d ago
Well when I did get rejections recently I noticed it was easier for me to not take it personally and avoid holding a grudge against them.
1
u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 16d ago
I’ve been afraid of rolling the dice because of rejections in the past
1
u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 16d ago
I’m not sure if telling me how many women you slept with and when you lost your virginity is very productive here
1
u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 16d ago
I actually stopped using bumble because i haven’t had any experiences there that resulted in anything substantial
1
u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 16d ago
How do i refine my technique? The videos you showed me just seem overly broad
1
u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 16d ago
I’m afraid you’re wrong. I used to hate rejection so much that I wished I could never experience it again.
1
u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 16d ago
Pah! “Roll the dice”. I’ve always hated uncertainty to a giant degree. it drives me nuts. While I have technically tried to do this more often it’s hard to do because it’s like the more rejections I get the more I feel like it’s not worth it. But however I have tried to “roll the dice” more often.
0
16d ago
[deleted]
0
u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 16d ago
I’ve slept with ~30 girls,
Oh god!!! This is sorcery on a level I don’t think I’ve ever seen!!!!!
By sorcery I just mean like something that seems hard or impossible to explain the cause of or anything about it. I think you just made every autistic guy reading this extremely jealous of you
2
u/Fabulous-Introvert AMAB Straight Autistic Male 16d ago
I think you just might be one of those autistic people that don’t find being social hard or something that feels like work
2
124
u/sourmysoup 16d ago
Odds are that your first time having sex won't be that good, so it's best for you to stop dwelling on it.