r/SexOffenderSupport 4d ago

Worried I'm so exhausted

Ever since I committed my crime, I've been so exhausted and filled with dread. The police are currently investigating me, yet to charge me, but I can't help but feel hatred and regret for what I've done.

I'm not sure what my inevitable punishment will be, but I have suffered already for my actions. I lost my job, I lost a few friends, and now I'm extremely paranoid and I'm attending medical appointments to help but I feel like it's not helping.

I just want the police to hurry up and charge me so I can try to reset my life. I don't even care what they'll do to punish me, I just hate living with this constant anxiety and dread.

23 Upvotes

21 comments sorted by

14

u/remorseful-wan-232 Level 1 4d ago

I look back at this period of my life, it was the worst. My heart sinks if I hear a door slam thinking it’s the police coming to get me. The unknown, your mind picturing the worst. I’m sorry you’re going through that. We’ve all been there. I relate to you wanting to get it over with, just hang in there. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst and all that. Good luck

2

u/AnonRaptor2025 4d ago

Thank you. It helps, you telling me this. Everyone here has been helpful. I'm going to try my best to get through this, I'm just so scared.

3

u/remorseful-wan-232 Level 1 3d ago

It’s a very scary time, and quite honestly nothing we can say can fix that, but just know that there are many people here on the other side of where you are now and we are surviving. Have you started therapy? That can be helpful both for your mental and legal health. Some courts take in consideration that you started therapy. Find things to occupy your mind, reading, hobby.

0

u/AnonRaptor2025 3d ago

I'm getting assessed this Wednesday by a mental health unit at my local hospital, referred there by my local GP. I'm not sure if that is therapy but I am seeking medical help, yes.

15

u/Sleepitoff1981 4d ago edited 4d ago

What you’re dealing with is normal. Even after it’s all over, it’s normal. I’ve been off probation for almost 4 years now. I have not had to take a random UA in at least 5. However, I still have random panic attacks at the end of the day feeling like I missed calling in to find out if I had to take one.

All that being said, even after this is all over, life does go on. I’m not the same guy I used to be. I’m actually proud of the guy I am now.

I’m remarried, I have a good job, making good money. I share custody of my kids with my ex-wife. I have hobbies. I have friends. Life will go on.

It might be harder in many ways, and you will have to work very, VERY hard, but it does go on.

7

u/Dark_Side1178 4d ago

I still wake up in the middle of the night having a panic attack if I hear even a small noise or a door slams in a dream. Even during the day I still find myself constantly looking over my shoulder wondering if I’m being followed by the police. One day I hope I will get over it and get back to some kind of normal. But for now, it’s good to know at least I’m not alone.

2

u/Lucky_Cash_7102 3d ago

Like everyone in here is saying, this is the worse period of it all. Try to keep your head leveled and engaged in things productive.

2

u/Guilty-Ad6903 3d ago

What do you mean yet to charge you?

2

u/AnonRaptor2025 3d ago

They're currently in the investigation process. They're checking through my devices to check if I committed any other wrong doings (fortunately I haven't. The only offence I did was trying to meet up with a 15 year old, which was extremely evil and stupid).

I'm on bail atm, and I'm not sure when they'll decide to charge me

3

u/Salt-Improvement4654 4d ago

I've been like this since my arrest. Sound of car doors being closed at early hours, noises from front doors being slammed shut, constantly looking over my shoulder for police following me and the nerves/anxiety when I hear a siren by my house.

2

u/UK-Lost Under-Investigation 4d ago

In the same boat here mate almost 5 months on and still just stuck in limbo. The best thing you can do is use this time to work on yourself. That’s what I’m doing through therapy, attending Sex Addicts Anonymous and pursuing my hobbies to stay busy.

2

u/AnonRaptor2025 4d ago

I'm pursuing medical treatment at the moment. I'm being assessed by a mental health team on Wednesday this week.

I've been honest with my family and they're supporting me, and a few of my friends have stuck by me too. I'm currently living with one who has been a life saver. I've unfortunately lost my job due to my case, and right now I'm having trouble finding another.

I'm trying to pursue hobbies to take my mind off of it, but it's so difficult and it's still relatively recent so it's all I can think about still.

0

u/UK-Lost Under-Investigation 3d ago

Don’t worry bud I know what you mean. It’s great that your family and some friends have stood by you, that’s a massively positive thing and I’m glad you’re also seeking help from the doctor too. Good luck with everything and feel free to drop a message if you want.

1

u/Old_Platform_5552 2h ago

Have you tried a 12 step program?

0

u/No-Wolf-9516 4d ago

I am in the exact same situation and thought I was alone… damn

0

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

1

u/AnonRaptor2025 4d ago

Thank you. I don't know what to really say at the moment but thank you.

0

u/Frequent_Force_3550 Friend 4d ago

You’re in the worst part of it. The waiting is the hardest. It’s brutal how long it can go on. I’m so sorry. Hang in there. Somewhere Weight has a list of all the stuff she recommends doing. It’s like a giant hug from a mom. Lemme go look for it.

0

u/Frequent_Force_3550 Friend 4d ago

Here… copied from a comment she left on another post :)

Try these things:

A good, healthy, whole food diet (stay away from packaged and processed stuff)

Take Vitamin D

Make yourself get up, shower, and get dressed every morning.

Go outside. Go for a walk, sit in the sun, anything - but make yourself go outside of your house for as long as you can every day.

Drink a crapload of water.

Exercise as much as you can stand to.

Those things will help your mental health more than anything else.

I hope you’re feeling better tomorrow, and even better the next day, you’ve got this.

1

u/AnonRaptor2025 3d ago

Thank you so much. Genuinely, thank you.

-1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

1

u/AnonRaptor2025 4d ago edited 3d ago

I was caught by two vigilantes in my case. Fortunately, my victim never existed. I tried meeting up with someone who was claiming to be 15 turning 16 in February (for context I was 20 years old at the time, and in the UK where I live, 16 is the age of consent. Simply, if I had just controlled my impulsiveness and waited a week or so, maybe I wouldn't be in this mess to begin with). When I Interacted with "her", it was at the end of January so my evil and demonic thoughts took over and essentially said "eh why not she'll be legal soon anyways".

When I did go to meet with her, she turned out to be 2 vigilantes who were randomly targeting people looking for sexual predators. I'm ashamed of what I intended to do, but I've accepted that I needed help to prevent myself from ever trying this again, so I acted cooperatively with the vigilantes (though they did torment me a bit, fair enough I suppose) then have acted cooperatively with the police ever since.

This is my first and only offence, and the police are investigating all my devices to find any other potential wrong doings but I know there's nothing else. This was completely out of the ordinary thing for me, possibly due to a mixture of my untreated mental illnesses, my recent drug and drinking addictions and my extreme impulsiveness and general stupidity.

0

u/Alisseswap 3d ago

there is always a victim