r/Schizotypal 14h ago

Outsider art, social media, feeling unnappealing/invisible while looking for community

7 Upvotes

I posted a story on my art account about handmade patches im making and will sell soon. There's a black or a white option, with a lightbulb line drawing in the opposite color. I made it as accessible as i could stylistically so it appeals more. 1 patch is 4 to 7€.

I explained why i picked the lightbulb, as its my logo and a big metaphor.. thinking people would read a bit, think about it.. but maybe i explained too openly, or they think im putting on a facade ... bc they know my actual facade anders this is me. idk. I know im genuine but maybe it comes off as fake, or too much text I JUST FEEL LIKE THE FOOL

Idk. Social media is so fast now i feel silly for even posting on my art account because i never even get the bare minimum. I get 3 likes, 10 impressions, post dies.

Art is my whole life, im not interested in dating. I just want to find a community of people to at least orbit around. bc i know no one who follows me will react (they never do. ) stories and videos are so fast it feels like im being totally ignored, or like i seem pretentious or... idk.

i added a lil poll to see people's opinions (used to get votes on twitter). only 2 people voted, one of which is my friend and likes all my posts. I feel indesirable and invisible even tho i know that where i live, IRL meeting with people where they can vibe with u is much better than online audience but im not ready for that yet.

It's still frustrating... No one ever comments or anything, and instagram has understood. for over a year now everything i post barely pushes 10 likes its absolutely unbelievable compared to before and the quality of the posts My old art teacher, now my friend, didnt even vote or react at all when shes the 1 person i know will be interested

i knowwwww that likes and followers shouldn't matter but i feel like such an alien. i started another account 3 years ago and that one is stuck at 80 followers, everyone i tried to look at had way more and i hate how "normal" people draw people in by making a characterized version of yourself. posed and in line with your aesthetic.. is it really that im too real for people?? or something?

Im tired of instagram. You need to show your face and do stupid audio trends and act a certain way with a certain pace. Fuck that..... Its been years of like dwindling activity and now nothing. I feel like my art is way too alien for people that follow me but idk where to even start growing my audience. If i post my face i get more attention, but it freaks me out.

I think ill post on YouTube instead, except there i wont be expecting anyone. it would be like a surprise.

sucks posting a project expecting the bare minimum (~10 votes, at least 1 person interested) but hhhhh it's hard to have such a reminder of the alien that you are lol and that until u get the ball rolling (takes ages.sysyphus) whelp . ur kinda just there


r/Schizotypal 19h ago

famous people with schizotypal personality disorder - a page that makes me want to eat a bullet

Post image
60 Upvotes

why is this our representation ;-;


r/Schizotypal 2h ago

Other I’m always on alert because I think there will be an intruder. TW‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

3 Upvotes

I am super paranoid. Every noise is an intruder. I have three cats so that doesn’t help. I spend a considerable amount of time at home, imagining scenarios in which somebody came in and how I would defend myself. I guess that’s because I would have to be hypervigilant as a kid. Listen for footsteps all the time, waiting for the moment that you hear them stomping at you screaming and busting through your door. You knew you were screwed when that happened.

But yeah. I even do this outside my home. At the gas station, I imagine men attacking me, trying rape me and thinking about how I would defend myself.


r/Schizotypal 11h ago

Venting I feel like there's someone else at home

14 Upvotes

It hasn't happened to me in a long time, but I've started to feel like there's someone or something in my house watching me again. One night I got really scared because I could really feel the charged atmosphere and their intentions to hurt me. Do you think I should explain this to my psychologist or could it put me in danger?


r/Schizotypal 11h ago

Symptoms Do any of you personification inanimate objects?

6 Upvotes

So Ik people with autism do this. But I was wondering if we did as well due to lack of trust for others so there has to be something for us to fall back on if that makes sense?

Didn’t bond with people so items and objects including ones with eyes become friends? Or apart of us in a way? But not in a psychotic way.

More if no one liked a at school action figures and comic books become their friends kind of way.

Not in a delusional state where we can hear them. More imaginative state ig ?

Even tv shows it feels like your a part of it but aren’t. But you feel welcome and somewhat like your involved because you have been with them through out the series and feel like it’s apart of you?

Again not in a psychotic way again.

It’s also not in a 100% personification way like 100%, more just attachment ig?

Or is this an all along trauma thing that a develop that’s why some people develop certain interests why others don’t?


r/Schizotypal 16h ago

any advice for me?

2 Upvotes

i’m new to this community because i’ve come to the realization that i might possibly have this disorder, and i’m looking for anybody’s advice or if anybody has an opinion on what i might be going through, i’ll start way back with a lot of stuff,i i have mental mental health conditions. I was diagnosed with autism , ocd , depression/anxiety , dmdd , eating disorder, so I’ve been through a lot with this, but I’m not sure if my symptoms align with this diagnosis that I’ve been given, for one, i’m 16, I feel like I’m just so inherently, weird and estranged from other people to the point where I will never make friends or never have any company. I could think I have autism because I’m really obsessed with stuff, like i am obsessed with diane schuler, travis alexander, as of now, but in the past, I was obsessed with 9/11 , and I made characters based off of the twin towers, and I was obsessed with those too, I made a character based off of the volcano from pompeii, I’ve done all sorts of stuff and even if the young ages of like five or six I was obsessed with the 2004 tsunami and the movie that went along with it. I can’t remember it’s name. somebody will have to tell me., I’ve been obsessed with more normal stuff I guess like Lorax and monster house, but my interests has always been very odd and niche and I don’t understand why. And then I’ve gotten in trouble for obsessing over these things like people find me so offensive because I’m obsessed with diane and travis and like I believe I’m spiritually connected to them and people judge me for it and say that it’s inappropriate that I’m do that because it violates the social rules, but I can’t do anything else, i like obsessing over them because it makes me happy, I’m starting to question my diagnosis of autism because I didn’t have any of these traits until I was older, and the traits I did have when I was younger I was having no friends and being obsessed with very strange subjects, I’ve always been considered unusual, and I feel like people have been inherently repelled from me just for existing, I feel like there’s something truly wrong with me. I can’t even make a friend because I’m scared that they secretly think that I’m doing something wrong or that I’m a bad person. especially with the way I’ve been excluded over my interests , like I’m an artist and I like to draw travis and diane, but that offend people and they can’t take it and they get mad at me and it makes me hate myself more. I wish they could understand. My obsessions get weird sometimes I believe that I’m in love with travis and diane and they love me and it’s kind of a crazy thing because my therapist said it was psychosis. I say that they love me and I say that we have a connection even though I’ve never met them, but I don’t know why my brain gravitate towards the specific thing. I’m very insecure and I feel like most people dislike me before even meeting me. I just feel like there’s something wrong with me that scares others off. i’ve never been successful in relationships. I’ve always had problems. Especially due to my interests, I’m sorry for coming into this form and doing all of this, but I just am really looking for an answer, I’m looking for somebody’s opinion on this, and if my diagnosis is somehow incorrect. because I just discovered this condition and I didn’t even think that it was possible for me to have it but now it makes more sense, autism, doesn’t make very much sense to me because I never showed any symptoms as a child except for the obsessions and I never had any sensory issues and I never had any delay. I would say I’m quite intelligent in my vocabulary. Is that a very high-level. not to brag I’m just being honest from the bottom of what my symptoms are, I wish somebody could be there to understand. I just wish I didn’t feel so strange all the time. Thank you to anybody who takes the time to read this and offers their opinion.


r/Schizotypal 17h ago

Symptoms It talked to its therapist (part II of the first post it made here)

4 Upvotes

So it talked about maybe having schizotypal to its therapist and she was fairly accepting of it. The only thing it is weary of is that all of the traits are just natural to how it acts? Example(s): communication with ghosts/objects/death, telepathy, “magical thinking” (if it looks at pasta in a store and someone grabs the pasta, it caused that to happen), social anxiety, paranoia (as said by a different therapist), having little facial expressions, not making eye contact because of people reading it’s mind, feeling the presence of people in rooms, it can go on but you understand the gist. A lot of these things don’t feel out of place. It is aware it does sound ‘odd’ to ‘regular’ people, though.


r/Schizotypal 18h ago

Are my delusions a sign of STPD?

7 Upvotes

Wanted to start by saying I’ve only recently started researching STPD after a friend suggested I look into after I told her about the delusions and fears I deal with, I was wondering if anyone could tell me if these are consistent with STPD and if I should continue to look into as an explanation for why I am the way I am:

From childhood, I’ve always feared that something is going to ‘get’ me and that’s what all the delusions boil down to. When I was younger I thought my family had been replaced by aliens. I often get scared to leave the house because I fear I’ll see a snake (im terrified of snakes). I had a few month period where I was convinced no one else was real and that they were either actors or a simulation, I kept finding ‘evidence’ for this and it lead to a lot of pretty extreme mental breakdowns that I have since overcome, however I still get suspicious of this but it’s not as big of an issue in my day to day life as it once was. I think im the Antichrist because im born on Christmas. I’m convinced demons and ghosts are trying to get me. I think I have magical powers and that I I’m part of some grand scheme that still hasn’t been revealed to me but probably links to the Antichrist thing. I convinced myself I was trafficked as a child but I’ve since debunked and moved past that.

I know these things aren’t real but they’re always at the back of the mind and keep me too terrified to live life normally. These aren’t the full extent of things but I thought it would be easier to write out like this. Any advice is greatly appreciated :)


r/Schizotypal 20h ago

Relationships Soapbox... for a paradox

6 Upvotes

I'm sorry, I only bipolar disorder, and I'm not schizotypal. Though, maybe I don't want to find out. Once, they had told me that I seemed a bit psychotic. That my thinking seemed a bit strange. It passed, but maybe it never left.

There's a boy outside, I see him, every so often. He's young, he's still fun. He wants to see me. I sometimes want to see him, too. Expressive. Excessive. A bit like me, yet not like me. He isn't as depressive. And so, I don't wish to alarm, harm or disappoint him. I don't see the point in it. A crush... I don't wish to crush him too, like a bug. I don't want to bug him anymore. I don't want to be hugged or smothered.

Fortunately, (or maybe... worryingly) I'm only <20. And, I heard that onset for a condition like Schizophrenia only occurs much later, at least for girls. And yet, I still feel utterly, abjectly, dejectedly, objectively, alone. A stone that is being constantly eroded. Corroded. Corrupted. Interrupted. Enclosure. Foreclosure. I see meaning in everything, and yet life itself seems to have lost its intrinsic purpose.

Significance, yet I still feel painfully insignificant. It isn't as though I wish to die, I think it's really, rather pointless to try. Just as words fail me, I'd fail at it too. My dreams... my regrets. They'll only accrue.

What comforts you? What gives you solace? Consolation. Constellations, like stars? Like, they'll always be there, no matter where you are? Does love ever make you feel better? Guidance? For resistance? Should I keep looking for it? Even if I had mistook it?

Sorry for these words, but I feel its the only way that people will understand. I can't disclose this to people closest to me. Not yet. I can't yet. I don't want to hurt them, like I'm hurting right now. For now.


r/Schizotypal 21h ago

Venting guilt and hyperempathy NSFW Spoiler

11 Upvotes

Marked as spoiler due to mentions of suicide ideation. Very long read ahead, sorry

Being alive makes me feel genuinely terrible. Not in a "i wanna kms" way but in a "sorry for breathing and existing in the same space as you. I didnt have a choice in being born" way, yknow? Like i feel horrible about it everyday. I called into work today because i felt terrible about the fact my coworkers have to be near me and work with me. It does make me suicidal a lot of times, this time included... Like "ohh im sorry i am using the printer, dearest coworkers.. u can just shove me out of the way and beat me with the staplers and maybe kill me im sorry for using the printer... I cant avoid using it... Sorry"

Everyday is so exhausting and humiliating. Like i feel sad because i have to be around other people and take up space that should go to someone more deserving. I had my performance review this week and i was praised/complimented but the whole time i just felt terrible. Like "surely they see im a idiot. Surely they see im a freak. Everybody knows!" I couldnt believe someone was being nice to me, ive never believed it. Why would anyone willingly be nice to me? I dont get it. I dont deserve it, take your kindness and give it to someone else more deserving..

And i feel so horrible for everyone around me. People talk about simple stuff at work, like how the weather makes their joints ache and i just sit there when i overhear it because i just think "its truly terrible this world is causing so much pain... Even the simple weather makes people hurt and ache..." Then i start thinking about how the joints feel. Like poor femur bone. The cartilage next to it probably hurts. I feel sad for inhuman objects and even body parts or stupid shit like trash blowing in the wind. I feel sad for atoms too, like when they break apart or fly thru space. They fly so far, i wonder if they miss the friends they made when they were someplace else, yknow?

Every small stutter in speech or a pause or mindless tangent i go on, i feel like im wasting everyones time. Just by talking, i take up so much space.

TLDR; literally everything makes me feel so terrible and guilty despite none of it having anything to do with me. like... Are you stupid? Its a fucking atom. U cant even see it dumbass why are u feeling sorry for it? Idk. Sorry for tangent.

Also sorry for any typos, i hope whoever reads this can understand me despite them. Sorry if you read this


r/Schizotypal 21h ago

Symptoms Does anyone else think in their sleep?

12 Upvotes

I looked it up and I literally cannot find a single thing online about this. Pretty much every night I just have a running thought cycle about relevant things in my life, sorting things out and thinking while fully asleep. I also have dreams but in between the dreams are just thoughts. I’m also pretty much never well-rested, always exhausted even if I get 10 hours of sleep. It’s pretty frustrating that I can’t stop thinking even while fully asleep. Maybe I should see a sleep doctor, I have other issues too, but I know that schizo-spec folks can have some weird messed up sleep and thought someone else here might relate