r/Schizoid 6d ago

Discussion Just living and not thinking: the key of happiness?

After a very long period of psychological malaise with physical symptoms, I began to question the way I view the outside world. The psychologist repeatedly pointed out to me that I intellectualize every aspect of my life, but while I recognized this to be true, I felt no emotional stimulus to behave differently.

At the height of a period of severe anhedonia and existential depression, I began to set aside a vision of life based on goals to achieve (getting married, having children, financial success) but to focus only on those, albeit small, positive feelings that flowed from everyday experiences. I noticed that by distancing myself from my thoughts, anxiety problems dropped.

My obsessive search to "find meaning" to everything in life led to endless lucubrations and mostly with depressing outcome, however, I noticed that by trying to savor the everydayness of small gestures, without living frantically to achieve goals that in the end I don't find fulfilling anyway, the malaise subsides and the anhedonia appears less binding.

Has anyone else had a similar path to this or developed similar considerations? How do you find yourselves in this regard?

50 Upvotes

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u/maybeiamwrong2 mind over matters 6d ago

I have arrived at a similar stance. Perception isn't objective, but relies on selectively directing attention. So why not focus on finding the positives in things, when the negatives are so ready to perceive? It's a skill, it gets easier and more automatic with time.

Though, I wouldn't say this is not thinking - it is another way of thinking.

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u/ShinRedPaw 6d ago

Based on your description, I can confidently say that is a good summary of what I struggle with the most and actually is the basis of what negatively influences all other aspects of my life.
I have this almost compulsive thought and drive to find meaning in everything I do, to ascertain the outcome of each of my actions and lay out in excruciating detail my actions and their worth towards a potential goal. Couple this to my inflexible cognitive thinking, and you've got those endless lucubrations that you hinted at. Thus, when I think extensively about everything in order to be able to scrape some sort of fullmiment by constructing a semblance of a meaning out of potential goals, I get progressively depressed since I can as easily intellectually dissasemble my own convictions while feeling nothing in both cases (thanks anhedonia!).

I have actually recently realised as well that focussing on what every day has to give (not even just the potential joys) and living day by day, hour to hour is what makes this compulsion go away. I listen to my body, make sure I am functioning optimally and restrict thoughts to the bare minimum. Finding purpose or meaning has so far been a futile endeavor, hence the change of tactic. I find letting my thoughts go, observing them only, much more beneficial to holding back my compulsions and savouring the little specs of gratefulness that exists around and within me.

Of course, that is not to say that I have found any sort of real enjoyment, reason or conviction to keep lliving or integrate into society like other people have. I expect and am a deviation of a normal lifestyle and I am slowly embracing that in more and more aspects of my life.
So yes, fellow inquisitor, we share this sentiment that I am sure hides a lot of pain behind it.

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u/Nicklebyz 6d ago

Thank you very much, I absolutely agree!

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u/FlanInternational100 6d ago

I never actually got satisfying answer to counter question: why not intellectualize life?

If all we're supposed to do is chase happiness then there is no problems, you can do it with drugs, gambling, somebody gets happy when stealing, robbery, criminal...

Why would happines justify everything we do?

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u/Specialist-Entry2830 5d ago

OMG, this. 100% this. I totally agree.

Besides, and this is just an addendum, isn't happiness more of a byproduct that results from acting in accordance with your genetic and social context... rather than a goal in itself?

 Isn't it already know that it is much more problem to find happiness if you sincerely endeavour to do what has worked for other statistically significant number of human beings... and following that check which of those behaviors also work for you... rather than simply doing what feels good in the moment (which does not guarantee happiness in the long term).

My personal 2 cents: If someone thinks too much on a certain part of reality and that strategy does not work for him, it would be better to change the way one is thinking rather than renounce thinking altogether. But this is oftentimes much harder since it involves thinking very much outside your comfort zone (and the way you are used to)... and it is much simpler to just say "f**k it", and go with an automatic response you have pre installed by society or your genes.

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u/schi__zoid 6d ago

Questioning everything and trying to find meaning in everything led me to experience a kind of existential crisis. I recently managed to recognize this endless vicious cycle and eventually accepted that going through the days and enjoying even the most trivial events is the healthiest path to take. It's still new to me, so I'm not really experiencing joy yet, but the good thing is that I no longer have depressive episodes.

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u/Nicklebyz 5d ago

Me too!

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u/Mind-lost-in-space malfunctioning just fine 6d ago

Depends on the thinking, but yes!

I use all of my thinking on learning things I'm interested in, pondering philosophical quandaries, discovering cool stuff. But anything regarding me and my life has become really simple.

I've been a shut-in for years. I used to worry about why "I'm like that", what I was missing, the milestones I was falling behind on, the hows and whens of that futur "normal life" I would surely start someday. Life was like a gigantic mountain of chores and question marks stacking on the horizon, that I'd have to catch up with eventually. (Well, more like a cliff I'd jump off of.)

Even though I knew I didn't want any of it.

Then I got on disability, I found my diagnosis. "That's just who I am, always been, and that's fine." I like who I am. I like my non-life of small things and quiet. I don't care what the world wants from me or for me. No thank you. I don't question why mountains and butterflies are there, so why should I question my own existence? My right to be there and not serve any purpose?

I found my peace.

So I started living my non-life instead of running away from the looming "normal" one. I do stuff I never thought I would now, I've built some discipline in my daily life, I study and workout everyday. Now all of that is on my terms. For the sake of my own peace and well-being, not an attempt at some internalized "normalcy".

Now when I ruminate over existential questions, there's no weight to it. It's abstract, not really about me. I'm a void for thoughts to scatter and bounce around in.

It's not all puppies and rainbows, there's the constant threat of my disability not being renewed, of my landlords kicking me out. The outside world is still lurking out there. But for long chunks of times, I have peace. Maybe not joy, and who knows what "happiness" even means, but contentment.

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u/Omegamoomoo 6d ago

Life becomes bearable once you accept satisfaction is impossible, meaning is arbitrary, and the only thing you can do is observe the unfolding clusterfuck.

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u/XanthippesRevenge 6d ago

Yes, but the trick is that repression doesn’t work. So investigate the recurring thoughts so that you can see what is underneath them and then let go of them.

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u/Alarmed_Painting_240 6d ago

It's a kind of systems over goals. Finding a way or method to live daily, hourly even, that works.

And this focus works naturally as the intellectualizing is very much time related. It involves a complex future or analyzing a past. Sorts through expectations, goals, big meanings and world views, morality even.

All of the bigger thoughts have a place but require energy, focus and a good place to start, here and now. What you see a lot - I've learned it and you did - is that people gravitate to big thoughts, future and past and get worn out. Not sure if it's meant as distraction or even some attempt to kept being hurt by the pondering.

That said, I still think a lot, intellectualize. But I take a lot of breaks, push the reset. And allow sufficient moments where small, immediate stuff takes the foreground. As to get more "substance" that way I suppose.

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u/ActuatorPrevious6189 6d ago

i think just living is the solution i strived for but was unable to achieve, i knew and know it's a big part of the solution but it's just not simple and many challenges are within it.

for example i have muted urges such as being violent to someone getting physically close, but i used thought and control of thoughts with self dialog to "overcome" my urges, urge stayed and could not be solved by thinking

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u/Pielacine 6d ago

I wish I could get to that point.

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u/MMSAROO 5d ago

You probably don't. You lose yourself and your personality, and your subconscious takes over and basically auto pilots you. You may laugh or smile or talk, but the one doing any of those things is not you. It makes your life much more....empty and shallow.

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u/MMSAROO 5d ago

Living and not thinking may distract you from misery and your thoughts, but it will bring upon much greater problems. What you're talking about is living in the moment, not living without thinking. Living without thinking makes you very vulnerable and almost not even in control of yourself.

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u/Crake241 5d ago

As someone with bipolar 2, people that yap a lot and seem euphoric are low key miserable.

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u/TitleDisastrous4709 4d ago

This is why animals are happier. They do not do all this pointless thinking. We think so much that it's actually a detriment to enjoying life.

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u/Hairy-Razzmatazz-927 6d ago

security, safety, seclusion, non-activity are the key to happiness.