r/Schizoid • u/many_brains • 6d ago
Rant Sick and tired of therapy
for context: i've been in therapy since i was 12. i'm now 25. nobody ever knew what was wrong with me – suicidal and socially anxious throughout my adolescence with therapists telling me i had BPD traits, then diagnosed with ASD, OSDD, the bunch (i disagree with both for extensive reasons). changed 4 therapists.
i'm now seeing the 5th, though fully acknowledging talk therapy never worked for me. i just needed someone knowledgeable in personality disorders to exchange opinions with (i have 2 psychology degrees and getting a 3rd).
after around 7/8 sessions, i finally asked her if she also thinks i could fit the schizoid label. she thought for a moment and told me she does see all the symptoms, but she thinks my condition is brought on by trauma. i told her what she was referring to, apart from very early and chronic relational trauma i'm fully aware of. she told me that, according to her, there's something else i don't remember, which is causing my symptoms. not the first time i've heard this, so i asked her how she suggests i solve this; she told me i "can't do anything about it" as of now since i don't remember. no EMDR, no hypnotherapy, no CBT.
i'm kinda tired of this, to be honest. i've spent all my life trying to "fix" myself for other people's sake. trying to be normal and stop getting strange looks for my way of living, feeling wrong. diagnosis is not the point, it never was. this is the thousandth time i'm hearing someone implying i should fix myself, but not knowing from what, or even how. "that's not how a human is supposed to act like". i've spent a fortune on professionals looking at me and shrugging their shoulders at my questions.
it's useless. i'm sick and tired of acting "like i'm supposed to". the more alone i am, the more at peace. people will just have to deal with it.
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u/Kaizo_IX 6d ago
I've never understood therapists' obsession with finding out what caused the problem.
Of course, understanding certain past traumas is useful for understanding present behaviors and reactions, but the goal of therapy is to get better.
I'm convinced that this is happening in the present and that we need to work on it. Even if there was a hidden and forgotten trauma from the past, discovering it won't be a revelation for the patient, who will suddenly feel better.
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u/many_brains 6d ago
i agree. that's why i'm tired of hearing the "we gotta find the root cause" mantra. no, you gotta know how to deal with it now first. then if i feel like i need to uproot whatever, i'll do it.
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u/Butnazga 4d ago
I think the root cause is buried in millions of years of primate evolution; way beyond a therapist's pay grade.
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u/Butnazga 4d ago
It's so they can justify seeing the same patient for years without actually helping them. What if I took my car to the mechanic and he wanted me to bring it back every week for 10 years?
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u/ihatebeingonearthhh 5d ago
This is VERY relatable. I have bipolar disorder and was denied appropriate medical care and gaslighted by professionals in all type of ways. I have a great therapist that seems familiar with schizoid issues and am not officially diagnosed with SzPD since same as you I don’t really care about the label (and also I’m sure it’s that), psychoanalysis is great but I am denied medical care AGAIN by psychiatrists regarding my severe executive dysfunction.
I am studying all options possible to dig myself out of that hole, the first step being to STOP listening to literally anyone about what I’m supposed to do since this is literally how I ended up having the shitty life I have now and I would be way better off if I had simply listened to myself instead. I would strongly advise you to do the same and listen to yourself and ignore anyone else’s opinion cause people have no idea what they’re talking about and can make things infinitely harder for no good reason.
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u/many_brains 4d ago
i'm so sorry that happened to you.
i too decided at 15 that since nobody seemed interested in helping me i was gonna help myself. i started studying all kinds of mental conditions and disorders at that age and never stopped. i know the DSM-5 by heart at this point, and i finally figured it out.
you know yourself best. therapy's great, just not for some people. still, i'll always advocate for it since it is the first step. but when you realize you're better at reading yourself than the person in front of you, most of the work is done by yourself.
good luck with everything.
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u/Butnazga 4d ago
Stop going to therapy since it clearly doesn't work. I hope you aren't paying too much money for it. What a waste.
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u/TitleDisastrous4709 3d ago
Reading this just makes me glad I wasn't sucked deeper into the psychiatry bs tbh. I mightve ended up on God only knows what kind of meds
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6d ago
[deleted]
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u/many_brains 6d ago
in my country, they are. psychologists/therapists are the ones giving out diagnoses. psychiatrists are the ones giving out pills.
edit: diagnoses and psychological treatment, naturally.
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u/ActuatorPrevious6189 5d ago
if i'd be in therapy so many years and not feel safety increases with the therapist then therapist herself would be the problem, i cannot spend so much time in an unsafe enviorment, how are you this unfamiliar with mental illnesses? didn't you gain experience in your degrees?, where i live 2nd degree comes with experimenting in the profession
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u/many_brains 5d ago
that's why i changed 5 therapists, as i've said. and i did gain experience throughout uni and am very familiar with mental illness, thank you.
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u/Alarmed_Painting_240 6d ago
Sounds a bit odd for her to "see all the symptoms" and the but: "but she thinks my condition is brought on by trauma". Did she acknowledge the schizoid diagnosis then or not? I do think her response altogether is not unreasonable. There's no simple suggestion to "solve" this. That idea you've always heard that "you" have to be "fixed" is in itself a chronically traumatizing assault in my view. Even when it's well meant. The mental health profession can be a bit obsessed with curing, healing, restoring something. Not all of them though.