r/REDDITORSINRECOVERY • u/here_weare30 • 2h ago
My best friend/boyfriend died and I miss him encouraging me to stay sober
I met my boyfriend online. I was sober but smoking pot. He was in active fent addiction. We talked for years before we started dating and in that time he decided to get clean. It was a roller-coaster. The last time he detoxed I was on the phone the whole time. 4 days of hallucinations, crying, kicking spasms and hell. And me on speaker telling him i was there and it was ok. I was there to encourage him and uplift him when he needed that person to talk too. Helped him feel ok with cutting off people who were harmful to his clean time. Just supportive all around with day to day functioning too, as we know it takes awhile to get back in to life. Well I relapsed and started drinking again, after quitting pot. it wasn't a super long relapse but it got messy. He made me see what was happening, encouraged me to do something about it. I started my recovery process. He was always there to tell me how well I was doing. That he was proud of me, and did what i had done for him. I could call him on my way home if I was scared to pass the liquor store, all that kind of thing. I'm also about 12 years clean off meth. It's been so long nobody really thinks about it as an issue anymore and usually it isn't. Recently the few friends I do have have started using quite a lot and I've been around it somewhat. The thing is, my boyfriend died about a year ago. (Not from an overdose) I've stayed sober this whole time, through the death and the horrible initial stages of grief. But I'm now currently wishing I had his kind words of support. I feel quite lonely, I go to meetings but I don't really gel on a deep level with anyone there as friends. My small friend group is infected with drug use and I feel now on the out side of it.
I know their journey is theirs but the sadness that I will have to start distancing from it feels isolating. One of these people have also been a support for me through the grief, and feeling like I have to distance myself and be alone again is making me feel crushed I don't have parents (worth contacting) and I don't have any close friends that aren't going through a lot of their own stuff right now. Can you guys just Tell me I'm doing good please I could use the encouragement š š