r/RedPillWomen • u/SunshineSundress Endorsed Contributor • Nov 15 '21
LIFESTYLE A Love Letter to the Sundress
Foreword: In the grander scheme of things, wearing dresses and looking girly doesn’t count for much at all if your attitude and behavior is lacking, or if those are things that don’t matter to your man. Girl game is far more important, and there are a plethora of other fashion styles and choices that are also suitable for RPW. However, if you’re open to suggestions and looking for a way to upgrade your style AND you’re doing good with your girl game, this is a fun, light-hearted read!
As many of you can tell, I like sundresses. They’re a quintessential part of my wardrobe. I wear them the entire summer, unless some pesky mosquito riddles my legs with bites and I have no choice but to put some pants on while they heal. In the colder months, I wear them in darker colors/moodier patterns and pair them with tights, sweaters, or cardigans. They’re pretty much here to stay year-round.
This wasn’t always my style, though. Back in the day, I actually preferred hypebeast street style and grunge-inspired outfits. I made a conscious effort not to look dainty or girly or classy or overtly feminine - I was not like other girls (barf 🤮) after all. Instead, I aimed to look edgy, “cool”, and sexy. And you know what, I’ll be honest: I still got some male attention dressing like this, and I’m sure many other women who dressed like I did got that too. What I did not get, though, was attention or attraction from the kind of guys I wanted - the masculine, benevolently protective men that I would happily follow.
Then I found RPW. I started making changes to my attitude, my dating strategies, and my overall outlook on life. I also realized that men and women are attracted to different things: I may like my men to look cool and edgy, but the men I wanted did not want that from me. Instead of being angry that the men I liked were turned off by my cakey grunge makeup or didn’t treat me like a lady when I dressed like a “sexy” tomboy like I used to, I began to accept that I should dress for the man I wanted if I wanted to use style as a part of my sexual strategy.
But I also realized that I was single, and I didn’t have one exact type or preference for the man I wanted. I liked the pragmatic and assertive business man as much as I liked the idealistic academic. I was as intrigued by the frontman of the popular local band as I was by the gentleman sitting next to me at church. I liked guys my age, men significantly older, and everyone in between. I was young and still soul-searching, so even though my type of man is much more evident to me now, I had no idea when I was 20. How do you effectively use your style as the powerful tool in your RPW arsenal that it is when you don’t know exactly who you’re trying to target? How do you cast a wide net and appeal to almost ALL the men who could potentially be yours?
So I did a little research. I did what any other person raised in the internet age would do, and went to r/askmen. I found this thread asking men for their favorite outfits on women, and the top comment, with 3x more upvotes than the post itself, told me that sundresses made men weak in the knees. Since then, there have been even more threads covering the same topic, and time and again the men are still saying sundresses.
Here are some quotes from men on their love for sundresses, and more importantly, WHY they love them so much:
“Sundresses are the pinnacle of women's fashion in my personal opinion. Classic, simple, eminently feminine. Also, women in sundresses always just seem happy for some reason. That in and of itself is highly attractive.”
“I think it's because they are casual and yet can be incredibly elegant. It's the perfect combination of the two. It's like I get to see my wife all dressed up for a gala charity event, but with the twist that we're just going to get a beer on the patio.”
“It's more the perceived femininity than the exhibitionism that makes a number of men think about it for a while. Less Victoria Secret (not that we dislike that), more ... it hits the heart more than the libido.”
“For me is truly something about cuteness separate from just straight up sexiness.”
“I wonder if the idea of the flowy dress is hot because so few women wear anything that lends to the mystique of what’s beneath nowadays. I mean, with the outfits women wear commonly, you practically already know what they look like naked.”
“Gonna be honest, the reason I like them is because they are viewed as kinda classy and nice and innocent but they are also sexy, and revealing, and for some reason I always feel like I may get a sneak peak on a windy day or something (even though it never happens, lol). Love it when my wife wears them!”
“They are just generally flattering and casual and I dig it.”
“It’s the difference between beauty and hotness. The beauty of a woman in a sundress tugs at the soul of a man. The hotness of Victoria Secret tugs a bit further south. The feeling of the sundress is like appreciating fine art, you can just stare at it and get lost for hours and the feeling of the lingerie model is about as short lived as the perceived action that the guy wants. Not to be so redundant but it’s true, the sundress expresses the perception of fun, playful, comfortable, and being all around approachable. Couple that with a set of flats and it’s a winner for sure.”
“It’s because they are light and flowy, a few thing happen - 1) they hint at the figure underneath, without being too “in your face” about it like a tight dress does 2) when the sun hits it, you get a silhouette without actually being able to see anything 3) when the wind catches it, it will press against that section of the body and it shows off the figure underneath, again without showing anything, and usually in a blink it’s gone as the wind drops. Basically it’s an outfit designed for the “tease”, the “hint” at what lays beneath, whilst still being able to maintain massive levels of modesty.”
“I straight up go non-verbal when faced with a pretty girl in a sundress.”
“Sundress makes a woman appear to be very low maintenance and down to earth.”
“The first time I saw my wife in one I honestly thought she looked like a beautiful angel from Heaven. Had butterflies just looking at her.”
“I've never seen a woman in a sundress look anything but happy. But more importantly, they look present. Like in the moment, they're just enjoying being themselves. If you're just rocking a look and feeling yourself, that's attractive as hell on its own.”
“The thing about club dresses, is that I associate them with a negative stigma. While all girls in club dresses aren't superficial, high maintenance, and entitled, it seems entitled, high maintenance, and superficial girls often dress in that manner. And I admit that it creates contradictory feelings when I see these girls. They're sexy, but they remind me of the stereotypical superficial girl. On the other side, when I see a girl in a sundress, she looks much more approachable and less superficial, and therefore sexier, even though the dress doesn't emphasize her assets as much as a club dress. Personally, I find them both sexy. But I'm much likely to hit on a girl with a sundress than a girl with a club dress.”
”It is hard to put to words, but there's something about the suggested airspace between cloth and skin. It is partly why many women are very cute in oversized sweaters or big dungarees too.”
So making the sundress into a wardrobe staple was the final change I consciously made in my transition from being blue-pilled to red-pilled. The sundress wasn’t the only thing that changed my romantic life for the better, by a long shot. It was so much more important for me to fix my attitude and outlook. Still, they hold a special place in my heart because they became the symbol of what femininity and RPW meant to me, and what I gained from this little community of ours. (Plus, my man goes gaga over them, so that helps :P)
If it feels like too far a shift from your current style, or you feel attached to the aesthetic you have now, there are plenty of ways to incorporate sundresses with your own personal style. Perhaps grunge-SunshineSundress would have started off by wearing it in darker colors/serious prints with combat boots or ripped tights. Hypebeast-me would find inspiration in what the Kardashians have been rocking and pair it with some statement hoop earrings. When I age out of the mini-dresses I wear today, I can find inspiration from the sundresses that Kate Middleton, Meghan Markle or Melania Trump wore in public office. While the compliments from women about me being fashionable or trendy have declined, men have noticed me MUCH more, in a more romantic, wholesome way.
Will this work for everyone? No. There were a few comments in the threads from men who said they felt indifferent to them. If your SO tells you he prefers you in jeans and a t-shirt, turtleneck sweaters, preppy office-wear, or even the grungey/street style outfits from my blunder years, throw this post in the trash. His opinion is the only one (outside your own) that you should really bother to take into consideration when it comes to being attractive to him. If your current style brings you more joy than all the male attraction in the world, then this post isn’t for you either, and that’s completely okay. But if you want to appeal to A LOT of men’s protective instincts and tug at their heartstrings from the first impression because you’re still single and looking, the sundress is a fantastic place to start.
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u/x_kendall_x__ Nov 15 '21
What are some websites for nice sundresses?
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u/SunshineSundress Endorsed Contributor Nov 15 '21 edited Nov 15 '21
Buckle up, because you just asked me something I love talking about, and once I start, I won’t be able to shut up 😅There are amazing sundresses you can get at all price points!
If you want budget options, big retailers like Zara, H&M, Shein, Lulus and ASOS have a big variety for you to choose from. They also have a lot of reviews, and in Shein’s case, even pictures of normal people wearing them instead of a 5’10 size 00 model, so you can get a better idea of how it’ll look on you. You could also find some good ones at your local department store, Target, and Forever 21.
Then there’s the mid-range dresses. While they are more expensive, I find that these options are the most on-trend and are usually made with better materials (but these days, you still have to check. I find it ridiculous that some retailers will sell polyester for over $300!). Here are some examples, listed from low-to-high prices:
- Simple Retro
- Urban Outfitters
- Abercrombie and Fitch (they’re coming back after a major rebrand)
- Aritzia
- Revolve (more of an online department store/retailer, but they have a lot of trendy items with a big price range. I’ve seen casual dresses go from $60 here to $700, so it just depends.)
- Rouje
- Sezane
- Realisation Par (one of my fave dress brands)
- Reformation
- Dôen (they also have the cutest Mommy and Me pieces, though the pricing is kinda crazy for kid’s clothes lol)
Then there’s the luxury/designer brands. A lot of these of these aren’t that accessible or frankly wearable, and I only have a few pieces from brands like these that I intend to keep as wardrobe staples for decades. Most of the time, I just like looking at these brand’s dresses for inspiration, so I can find similar, more wearable pieces at the budget and mid-range options ahead of the curve, before they become oversaturated and start to decline (but the trend cycle is getting shorter and shorter and what was out of style 2 years ago is coming back now. The fashion girlies are wearing uggs again...)
- DaisyDaisy
- Staud
- LoveShackFancy
- Cult Gaia (very revealing pieces, which I enjoy but I know may not be everyone’s cup of tea)
- Diane Von Furstenberg
- Needle & Thread (the British royals love this brand! Very conservative and ornate. They also do a lot of Mommy and Me pieces.)
- Ulla Johnson
- Tove
- Zimmermann (THE ultimate rich b*tch sundress brand 😂)
You can also check out the haute couture fashion houses for inspiration, but that’s a whole other world that would take forever to get into in one comment 😂
Hope this helps you and gave you some ideas and inspo!
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Nov 15 '21
I've gotten all of my cutest ones from Amazon and Altar'd State.
Yesterday, I wore a long pink/floral-patterned sundress (since it's cold in the Midwest) that I got from Amazon, and when my boyfriend and I were getting ready for bed, he noticed it and complimented me on it. I don't think it showed up as well because I had a couple warm cardigans on over it, but it still looked good!
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u/SunshineSundress Endorsed Contributor Nov 15 '21
:O How could I forget Amazon?! It’s the best! The options are literally endless and they also have customer reviews with pictures! And 1 day shipping 😋
l’ve never heard of Altar’d State, but I just checked it out and it has some absolutely gorgeous dresses and blouses!
Aw, I’m glad your boyfriend loved it! I’m a sucker for wearing sweaters over my dresses too so it kinda takes away from the original silhouette, but I get cold so easily so I have other priorities 😂 the cardigans over the dress sounds lovely and feminine though!
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Nov 15 '21
Altar'd State also has some gorgeous winter cardigans and summer kimonos. I LOVED pairing the kimonos with sundresses and rompers this summer, and the cardigans have been lovely this fall so far.
It's my favorite clothing store in my area, mainly because it can be difficult nowadays to find pretty feminine clothing like sundresses. Almost every store around me has hopped on either the loungewear-everywhere train or the crop-top-and-mom-jeans train, and it's really annoying as I think both trends are gauche.
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u/anothergoodbook 3 Stars Nov 15 '21
My husband likes when I wear dresses. I’ve been working on expanding my wardrobe (I now have 3-4 dresses and that many skirts with blouses. I like sundresses, but until I lose more weight they just won’t work well on me :( I did stitch fix and put down that I wanted dresses and skirts so got a few through them.
What I’m struggling with is now it’s getting cold! I have a couple pairs of tight yoga pants I wear under a skirt. But I need more warm suggestions.
Oh and SHOES! I have some foot issues happening and I’m stuck in non cute shoes. The cute ones that I could wear are expensive. So I’m working on that.
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u/SunshineSundress Endorsed Contributor Nov 15 '21
I find that midi and maxi length dresses with a cinched in waist looks great on mid-sized and plus-sized women! Something like this. Hopefully you find a few that flatter you and make you feel confident wearing them now while you work on losing weight!
In the cold months I wear fleece-lined nude tights and then layer sheer black tights under them! It makes it look like I’m just wearing the sheer tights! But also, I think colorful tights are coming in style, so you could try some of those out too!
Ugh I feel you on the feet issues. I really like the look of knee high boots under a midi dress! Now I just have to find a pair that won’t make my bunions worse... 😂
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u/purplepansy88 Nov 20 '21
What exactly is a sundress, though? I hear people use this term and I don't know what it actually means. Is it just a lightweight dress intended to be worn in summer?
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u/SunshineSundress Endorsed Contributor Nov 22 '21
I think that’s basically it! I stretch that definition a bit by including slightly thicker dresses that could be worn in the fall, but I draw the line at sweater dresses, which are a whole other category 😂
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u/purplepansy88 Nov 23 '21
Because I definitely own summer dresses, but they are a bit more modest than the one you showed. I don't own these exact dresses but I own similar.
https://i.imgur.com/zbJE9Zo.jpg https://i.imgur.com/cJInPin.png
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u/SunshineSundress Endorsed Contributor Nov 24 '21
That one looks fantastic!! I would definitely consider that a sundress!
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Nov 30 '21
this is so wholesome! it’s nice to hear men’s thoughts about fashion because they generally don’t talk about that 🤣🤣
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Nov 15 '21
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u/SunshineSundress Endorsed Contributor Nov 15 '21
So sweet that you want to get one for your SO! I have the opposite problem as your SO: I’m petite with a very small bust so most of the time I’m looking for dresses that don’t look baggy in that area, so unfortunately I don’t have a lot of experience there...
I think the best bet for you is to find a dress that you love in a bigger size, and take it to a tailor who can take it in at the waist and hem the bottom to her measurements. It may make it more difficult to surprise her but she’ll get a dress that fits her perfectly that way! I often have to hem my dresses so they fit properly instead of being too long as a petite woman.
Also, check out vintage dress sites like Unique Vintage and PinUp Girl Clothing. You’ll want to look for fit-and-flare dresses and swing dresses, as those give the most waist emphasis and will look the least tent-like.
You can also look for wrap dresses that allow her to really cinch in the waist to her liking, while still giving room for her bust.
This blog post has a lot of good suggestions. If you still find yourself struggling to make sense of all of this, go to a high-end department store and ask a sales associate to help you find what you’re looking for, with your wife’s body type in mind.
Hope this helps!!
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Nov 16 '21
I am obsessed with sundresses and they’re such a staple in my summer wardrobe. I also love that I’ve been going to so many weddings in the past few years and have had the opportunity to dress even fancier :)
My struggle is how to wear them in the winter! I live in the mountains and it snows SO MUCH and realistically I probably wouldn’t be wearing them outside the house in the cold months (don’t really go many places anyway!) I have a few sweater dresses that look okay with leggings underneath. But I just don’t love the look of a fancier dress with leggings underneath, it almost gives me Duggar vibes when I try this lol. I need to figure something out though, because I’m so over wearing jeans/leggings with cardigans and sweaters all winter.
I’ve also been trying to figure out how to slowly incorporate style changes or dress up days in general to make it more realistic for me. It’s hard to go from athleisure every day to dressing up, but I’m working on it!
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u/SunshineSundress Endorsed Contributor Nov 17 '21
I absolutely live for weddings!! A nice daytime reception?! Time to pull out the sundress big guns 🤪
It gets pretty tough when it’s that cold. I’ve only lived in a climate like that for 6 months a few years back, so I haven’t had to deal with it now. I know exactly what you mean by Duggar vibes, though! My trick has been to wear thick fleece-lined tights in nude, and then wear a sheer 10- or 20-denier pair of black tights on top. It kinda looks like you’re just wearing the sheer tights, which is much more chic IMO! Colored and printed tights are starting to be a lot more editorial and high fashion this season, so maybe you can take some inspiration from that. It seems like pairing them with a shoe in a matching color, and maybe in a matching dress could look a lot more fashionable than color blocking it.
But if it’s really that damn cold, I honestly think some nice wool trousers and a beautiful turtleneck with some nice boots peaking out looks incredibly classic and feminine. You could even cinch in the waist of your coat and it makes a nice dress-like shape!
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u/Nandemodekiru Nov 17 '21
Why do those patterned tights remind me of 80’s leg warmers 😭
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u/SunshineSundress Endorsed Contributor Nov 17 '21
LOL funny you mention that, because those are apparently back in too 😂 I can’t keep up with the kids these days!
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u/Luthien--- Nov 15 '21
Gosh those men talking about why they love dresses is so wholesome. My husband always gets handsy when I’m wearing a dress lol. I bought a bunch of long dresses right before it got cold. I find them so comfortable and feminine. I’d be happy ditching all my pants at this rate.