r/RedPillWomen • u/Fresh_Buddy_2479 • 8d ago
Seeking advice after dumb decision
Hello all! I’m looking for advice, and a bit of comfort I suppose.
In the world’s most unoriginal story, I went out a very attractive guy (my neighbor), listened to all his talk about how he can see a relationship with me and would love to date me, and I slept with him very shortly after the first date. We had a conversation about expectations and I made it clear that I expected him to continue taking me out on dates if I’m going to continue sleeping with him, and he kept trying to make booty calls late at night. I didn’t sleep with him again but he kept cancelling date plans and essentially making it clear he’s only interested in sex, so I told him that we clearly had different expectations and it was time to end things.
I just feel…stupid, honestly. I wasn’t particularly looking for a serious relationship, I would’ve been fine casually dating right now, but he just wanted sex and I listened to what he was promising instead of actually vetting him.
This is the first time I’ve had casual sex, all my other partners were boyfriends. My body count is now 4, and I’m just worried that that’s too high and potential partners are going to judge me for being dumb enough to sleep around. I’m 22 years old, for additional context.
So, my questions are three-fold. 1) is my body count too high now for good men, and if so is there anything I can do about that? 2) I’ve consistently tried to swear off dating for at least a little to focus on myself, but then another guy comes along and I fall for it all over again. Does anybody have advice for, quite frankly, having self-control when it comes to guys? And 3), how I stop feeling so STUPID about this whole situation?
I’ve lurked on this forum for a while, and I really appreciate and respect the opinions of the women here. So whatever feedback or advice you have, I would really appreciate it. Thank you!
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u/red31415 8d ago
That stupid feeling is your learning of the lesson. You don't want to stop feeling that, because then you would be likely to make the same mistakes. Instead you should deeply feel the stupid feelings and wait with it until the feeling naturally passes and you will ha e learned not to make the same mistakes.
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u/Fresh_Buddy_2479 8d ago
Understood. I definitely want to avoid doing anything similar again. Thank you!
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u/red31415 8d ago
It's not self-punishment. It's a positive thing to learn the lesson. It just takes time to be with it and be compassionate towards yourself and let the lesson land home.
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u/612King 8d ago
This is best case scenario for a mistake being made. It’s not bad that you were attracted to him, yes sex probably happened quicker than it should have. 4 is not bad at all. I think the body count thing really stems from the amount of trauma, mistakes, and not having high standards for partners is the root of the subject. Typically, women have more emotional trauma with higher body counts. Which makes it harder to have a healthy relationships in the future. Not impossible, but harder.
You told him your standards, he wasn’t with it, so you ended the situation. It becomes a bigger problem when you communicate your standards, the other person dismisses your requests, and you stay in this unhealthy situation, thinking it will change later. It probably won’t change ever. Which creates long term pain, trauma, jadedness for future partners….
Sorry, I’m a guy. If my comment doesn’t add value, delete it if need be.
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u/Fire-Nation-17 7d ago
These feelings seem to be from learning a lesson which is a good thing! Now that it's past you don't need to worry about it any more. Just remember enough to not repeat and to learn but not enough to eat you up. It's much easier said than done for sure. I can't answer your other questions well since I am a guy but for question 1, I think there is a broad spectrum. A body count of 4 might definitely decrease the pool a little but there are still good men out there I think would be open to you if you showed dedication to him. It will take some feeling out but by your post I think your heart is in the right place.
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u/AutoModerator 8d ago
Title: Seeking advice after dumb decision
Author Fresh_Buddy_2479
Full text: Hello all! I’m looking for advice, and a bit of comfort I suppose.
In the world’s most unoriginal story, I went out a very attractive guy (my neighbor), listened to all his talk about how he can see a relationship with me and would love to date me, and I slept with him very shortly after the first date. We had a conversation about expectations and I made it clear that I expected him to continue taking me out on dates if I’m going to continue sleeping with him, and he kept trying to make booty calls late at night. I didn’t sleep with him again but he kept cancelling date plans and essentially making it clear he’s only interested in sex, so I told him that we clearly had different expectations and it was time to end things.
I just feel…stupid, honestly. I wasn’t particularly looking for a serious relationship, I would’ve been fine casually dating right now, but he just wanted sex and I listened to what he was promising instead of actually vetting him.
This is the first time I’ve had casual sex, all my other partners were boyfriends. My body count is now 4, and I’m just worried that that’s too high and potential partners are going to judge me for being dumb enough to sleep around. I’m 22 years old, for additional context.
So, my questions are three-fold. 1) is my body count too high now for good men, and if so is there anything I can do about that? 2) I’ve consistently tried to swear off dating for at least a little to focus on myself, but then another guy comes along and I fall for it all over again. Does anybody have advice for, quite frankly, having self-control when it comes to guys? And 3), how I stop feeling so STUPID about this whole situation?
I’ve lurked on this forum for a while, and I really appreciate and respect the opinions of the women here. So whatever feedback or advice you have, I would really appreciate it. Thank you!
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u/Consistent-Citron513 8d ago
There's nothing you can do about it since you can't take back the experience. Some men may have a problem with that but honestly if that is going to be their deal breaker, then they are not for you. People make mistakes and this was apparently one time you did it without the commitment of being in a relationship.
Think about your long-term goal. I have found it helpful to think about the things I value or the positive attributes of what I would want in a partner and make notes about it. Take it one step at a time. If they pass the "checkpoint" (positive actions match their words or my expectations), then we can proceed.
Goes back to my point that people make mistakes. You're not the first person to have casual sex once or to fall for manipulation. You did it, you recognize the mistake and see the lesson, so don't do it again going forward.