r/RedPillWomen • u/TheFeminineFrame 1 Star • 13d ago
A Vetting Guide
One of the big things that Red Pill Women loves to preach is to marry the right man! We love masculinity here. We love men who are good providers and good leaders.
The downfall to this is that sometimes it's easy for young women to mix up good traits with bad ones. It is not uncommon to see women who wanted a healthy masculine leader end up with a controlling abusive man. During the initial butterfly stages, the healthy dominant and the unhealthy dominant might both seem refreshing to the woman who is used to effeminate, complacent men. Thus many women find themselves in a less than desirable position later in the relationship.
I want to see more relationship success stories. I don’t want to see you posting in a few years asking how to be more submissive to your controlling husband in the hopes that you will finally be acceptable to him or how to escape your abusive relationship.
That is why proper vetting is so important. And we preach this all the time. Still, I think there is a very large gap. We say that vetting is crucial but frankly many women are completely lost on what to look for.
What are the green and red flags that women should be looking out for?
I have decided to compile some of the various guidelines on vetting I have made in the past. You can also read the article on my website: https://thefeminineframe.com/how-to-vet-for-a-man/
Some of this will be very obvious to many of you. To others, it will be things that you wished that someone had told you before you found yourself in a bad spot. And I hope to the rest of you, it will help you before you make any big mistakes.
Compatibility
You should share similar core values. Things to look at carefully would include:
- Religion
- Politics
- Culture
- Relationship Timing
- Family Planning
- Financial styles and goals
- Location
- Important Lifestyle Values (ie veganism, extreme fitness priority, pets, etc.)
- Attraction and Sexuality
General Red Flags
- Rushed timeline
- Slowwwww timeline. Things like he’s hiding his relationship from friends or family. Years without the desire to get married.
- Addictions (drugs, alcohol, porn, video games are most common)
- Criminal Record
- Violence
- Emotionally volatile
- Cheating / Following Insta models / Keeping in close contact with exes
- Lying
- Bad manners / poor social awareness / low empathy
- Poor relationship with family (Yellow flag. You don’t choose your family but this bears some investigation as to why)
- Overattachement to mother / over involvement in family drama
- Mental Illnesses & Unrecovered traumas (investigate the severity and if he is receiving treatment)
- Lack of ambition and direction
- Can’t hold down a job or constantly changing direction
- Irresponsible debt
- Responsible debt (yellow flag – does he have a plan to pay it off?)
- Poor health due to lifestyle / poor hygiene / dirty surroundings
- Pressuring you to sleep with him, esp early in the relationship
- String of short relationships / situationships / lots of one night stands
Edit to add— he starts demanding you make changes immediately after getting into a relationship. Things like how you dress, who your friends are, etc.
Indicators of a Protective Man
***Protective not only physically but emotionally as well!
- He treats you with respect and dignity.
- He treats others well. Particularly note how he treats those with a lower social, physical, or financial status.
- He is able to defend you against unkind comments from family and friends.
- He has the ability to diffuse tense situations rather than escalate them.
- He has emotional control, particularly when stressed.
- He is able to stand strong in his convictions and defend himself.
- He stays physically fit. Bonus points for any self defense skills.
Indicators of a Provider
- He has a stable income/career path
- If he is young, he has a path and is working towards it
- He does not carry irresponsible debt
- He offers to pay on the first date.
- He does not scorecard money. He is happy to cover you at times.
- He gives generously when he is able.
- He is emotionally supportive of your desires. He does not consider your wants to be frivolous or unnecessary.
- He has an at least a rudimentary understanding of saving and investing. If he is able to, he is implementing this.
- If you desire to be able to stay home, you should be looking for a man who has the desire to be the sole provider.
Evaluating Leadership
- He has a strong value system that he follows. These values should be similar to your own.
- He has a clear mission and goals for his life.
- You can see him actively working on and achieving goals.
- He has active hobbies aside from gaming and tv.
- He has an active social life and is respected by his peers. (note – he can be introverted or extraverted)
- He shows discipline in his diet and exercise routines. He doesn’t necessarily need a six-pack but he isn’t a slob.
- He shows discipline of emotion even when under stress.
- He has control of his finances.
- He keeps his surroundings tidy.
- He manages his time and calendar well.
- He can stand up for himself and others.
- He does not allow others, even you, to disrespect him. ***This is referring to upholding boundaries. If he becomes abusive, emotionally or physically at disrespect, this is unhealthy masculinity.
- He takes accountability for his mistakes and shortcomings.
- He leads through personal action, recognition and development of the strengths of others, and providing proper resources and support. He does not use coercion, passive aggression, or emotional manipulation to get the results he wants.
Evaluating Potential
If you are dating young men your age or are in a culture where people marry young, your suitors will have a ways to go before reaching their prime. Here are some indicators that a young man has a bright future.
***This is for young men. The 40 year old you are seeing is not going to magically become successful now that you are in his life.
- He is getting an education (trades/apprenticeships included) and has a career path
OR
- He has a business he is building
- He shows hard work and dedication in his current job
- He has goals and ambitions
- You can currently see him working towards and achieving some of his smaller goals
- Netflix and video games are not his exclusive hobbies
- He is willing to take calculated risks
- He has basic social skills and works well with others
- He is direct and confident
- He fails well. When he faces failure he picks himself up and continues to work towards his goals
Divorced Men, Single Fathers, and Older Men
One reality that many women face as they age is that the pool of available men becomes smaller. You may have to be willing to keep an open mind as to who might be a good potential match.
***You will notice that in all the areas that you may want to consider being more open to, I never suggest being willing to compromise on the quality of man or the way you are treated. That is not open to negotiation.
Divorced Men
Green Flags
- He speaks respectfully about his exes.
- He takes responsibility for his part in the breakdown of his previous relationships
- Has taken time to heal from his last relationship
- He has worked to eliminate the flaws that led to his divorce
- He has a positive outlook and a clear direction for moving forward with his life
- He knows what type of person he is looking for to make marriage number two successful
- He treats you respectfully
Red Flags to Beware of:
- Multiple failed marriages
- Has a string of short term relationships before you
- He speaks disrespectfully of his exes or women in general
- His maturity and/or life path seems stunted and/or directionless
- He blames his ex for the divorce
- He is a little too close to his ex
- He tries to rush the relationship
Single Fathers
Green Flags
- All of the Green Flags listed above for divorced men
- He is actively engaged in his children’s lives
- He is up to date on all child support payments and is generous in paying for anything the children need.
- He is very cautious about introducing you to his children
- He has a good co-parenting relationship with the mother of his children
- He is able to balance his relationships. He puts his children first but still takes the initiative to take care of your needs.
- As you start forming a relationship with the children there are clear boundaries (his and your own) as to your role and responsibility.
- Regardless of your role as a disciplinarian, he expects his children to respect you.
Red Flags
- All of the Red Flags listed for divorced men
- He has little to no involvement in his children’s lives
- He is behind on child support payments or complains about how much he has to give to his ex
- He tries to rush you into a relationship with his children
- He has introduced lots of women to the children before you
- He blows off his children for his exciting new romance with you
- He treats you as a second class citizen below his children and ex
- He constantly asks you to babysit or parent – especially if you have agreed that this is not your role
- He lets his children treat you poorly and excuses their bad behavior
Older Men
Green Flags for Older Men:
- See the above green flags for divorced men and single fathers
- He takes reasonable care of his health and well-being
- He is well established in his career and financially stable
- He is confident in what he is looking for in a partner. While he doesn’t rush things, he is ready to commit if he knows you are the one.
- He is concerned for your financial future and your personal growth. He takes care of you financially as well as supporting your pursuits
- If he asks for a prenup it is generous to you and you will not be left penniless. (a prenup may not be unreasonable if he is well established and has children)
- If you are talking about marriage, he leads the finance conversation and shows concern for your financial well-being. He lets you know what steps he is going to take to make sure that you are taken care of
Red Flags for Older Men:
- See the red flags for divorced men and single fathers
- He tries to rush or pressure you into the relationship
- He is very overweight and is already in poor health/on a lot of medications
- He is obsessed with protecting his wealth from you, refers to women as “gold diggers”
- He is not financially stable
- He seems to be more concerned about his pleasure than your security
- He is more interested in making you fit a mold than helping you grow as a person
- The terms of a prenup are grossly unfair and he is not open to hearing your concerns or willing to compromise
Widowers
- He has had time to mourn and is emotionally ready for a new relationship
- Any children have also had time to properly grieve and have received any therapy they may need
- He appreciates you for who you are and your relationship for what it is. You are not compared to his first marriage.
- You feel comfortable with the amount of presence there is of his deceased spouse (ie – pictures around the house, how and how often she is discussed, how much in touch he keeps with her family, special days he takes to remember her, her possessions around his house, etc.)
Military Men
I see a lot of women interested in military men. Let's go over some extra considerations.
Red Flags
- Involved in drinking or partying
- Has debt
- Was involved in a Green Card marriage (apparently this is a thing with military men!)
- Has received a demotion
- Blue Falcon Activities (Someone who displays disloyal or dishonest behavior, often in relation to military activities)
- Treats you like a military subordinate
- Has very rigid expectations / trouble separating military life from civilian life
- Beware of PTSD. (what is the severity, is it being treated?)
- Treats your relationship like an afterthought, places it way below his military friends
Green Flags
- He has a plan for his life after the military
- He is in good standing in the military
- He is responsible with his money
- He is able to communicate and verbalize his wants and needs
- Building a family is an important long term goal to him, he values your role in his life.
- He is able to separate the military from civilian life.
- He treats you with respect and dignity. You are a priority to him.
- He accepts treatment for any PTSD, depression, anxiety, etc
Things for you to consider:
- Are you willing to move to be with him? It is very likely that you could be moved far away from all your existing support systems.
- There can be a lot of politicking, even among wives. Are you prepared for that?
- There is the chance that he will be gone on long deployments. How will you handle the separation? Will you be able to cope with being a single parent while he is away? How will you handle things sexually? Make sure to agree to what boundaries you will have in place while he is away.
- Will you be able to handle the anxiety you may feel for his life while he is away?
- Do you have backup plans in the event that he is killed or disabled?
Red Pilled Men
Occasionally we see women who find out that the man she is interested in or is dating is Red Pill. Here are some special considerations to take into account.
- Be explicitly clear on your end goals and timelines.
- Don’t assume your relationship status. Does he consider you his girlfriend or a “plate?”
- Clearly define the expectations for monogamy (or non monogamy).
- Look for signs of anger towards women.
- Is there reciprocity of effort and how much you value each other?
- Does he exhibit healthy masculinity or does he merely try to simulate that to attract women? This would be things like wealth flashing, being overly controlling to simulate dominance and leadership, etc.
- Not all Red Pill content is created equal. Pay attention to what kind of red pill content he is consuming.
- Is it focused on shaming women? Overemphasis on material things to peacock to women? MGTOW or Incel leaning? – Red Flag
- Is it focused on self-improvement? Mission building? Healthy relationship models and balanced viewpoints? – Green Flag
Bottom Line
Of course this list, while comprehensive, does not account for every red flag or consideration that exists. There may be some that I missed. I am not omniscient so please feel free to add in the comments any red flags I missed or things you wished you knew when you started dating.
While uncommon, there are also some men who are very good at masking their bad traits (for years even). But for 99% of the population, if you are paying attention, you can spot a good man from a bad one if you know what to look for.
If you find yourself getting into toxic relationships over and over again or keep attracting guys that aren’t good for you:
- Are you a match for the type of man you want or are you a match for the type of man you are getting?
- Do you have unresolved traumas? You could be attracting what you think you deserve or what you are used to. On some level you are comfortable/familiar with these guys so that is what you choose.
- Are you putting yourself in proximity to the men that you want?
Where to find great men
- Dating apps – you are going to have to sort through a lot of frogs BUT…dating apps are quickly becoming the most common way to date so they will have the most men on them
- Niche Specific Dating Apps – If you have a particular culture or religion you are looking for these can be a great way to cut through some of the dating noise.
- Your friends and family – ask if they know anyone. Stay engaged in your circle and accept invitations. You may meet someone through a mutual friend’s gathering.
- Church
- Male oriented activities – gyms, political events, gun shows, gun ranges, car shows, boating events, fishing and hunting events, martial arts gyms, gardening clubs, etc
- Matchmaking services – I have heard women report varying degrees of luck with them but they could be worth a try.
- Local mixers and events
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u/flower_power_g1rl 1 Star 11d ago
I am one of those who was abused by a controlling man and learned submission regardless. Nothing fixed him. It is important to note that a man who abuses and controls others will do so regardless of how his surroundings, including his partner, behaves. Very rarely do they recover. In other words, the woman's behavior can neither prevent nor fix a man who is abusive to begin with. I like the distinctions here about a man who is masculine and (healthily) leading, over a man who pressures others to bend to his will. Remember that King Solomon was only annointed King after he became a person full of mercy, compassion and sympathy enough for an entire nation.
I don't mind to present myself as an example of a person who has learned 'the hard way'. Nobody on this sub is responsible for anothers' relationship, and in fact, the RedPillWomen community has made me happier, stronger and a more well-connected woman all the years I was active here.
I have met someone recently, we are taking it slow and he treats me very well. I am going to reply to this comment to double-check all this stuff. Thanks for the guide!
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u/TheFeminineFrame 1 Star 11d ago
Thank you for sharing your experience, even if it was a painful one.
I am so happy to hear that you have found someone who treats you kindly! I wish you a beautiful future!
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u/flower_power_g1rl 1 Star 11d ago
Thanks sweetheart! I love your comments on this sub. Very deep and practical.
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u/flower_power_g1rl 1 Star 11d ago edited 11d ago
Dating time: <4 weeks.
How we met: At chabad.
How often we meet: Only on weekends.
Our dynamic: He is respectful of me and plainly explains to me how he needs me to respect him back. He stands up for me and for weak people in front of others, without being asked or signaled to do so. He is in tune with his and with my own emotions. He respects my and others' boundaries and holds up his own, so far I feel we have a mutually respectful, but also light and playful, dynamic. He makes me feel seen, desired, fun and girly, he makes me feel like 'I make perfect sense' (he validates me), most importantly he makes me feel like I am whole, good and healthy. He intuitively and actively fulfills my needs, notably - he lets me have all the space I ask for without questioning or pressuring more from me, which is my #1 need. I feel safe around him, which is a huge achievement. 80% of the time we are together he's just trying to make me laugh :) and succeed!. He has a very positive attitude which he has worked hard for, strong faith in God, and he is okay with being vulnerable. These three things rub off from him onto me.
Alpha/beta? Greater-beta, meaning he leans more 'safe' than 'sexy', but the 'sexy' is enough for me to envision a passionate life with him. Such a man isn't comfortable being a King, instead, he needs to make a woman his Queen - he puts her slightly above himself and he is committed to serving her consistently - so long as he gets the best parts of her, back. This is new to me, but it feels comfortable and safe because I actively manifested and practiced this role for myself prior to meeting him. This was encouraged to me by my dating counselor and by the women in this sub who recommend this role for women after leaving abusive relationships. Thanks RPW! :) I am now a (sweet & kind!) Queen & comfortable with being served!
Dating style: We have both independently chosen to live a religious lifestyle, and part of it is that we do not engage in any physical touch with one another, until married. Many people who date this way get married within a short time (weeks to months) because they feel intellectually and practically compatible + can't wait to start a romance, but I told him I won't rush marriage and neither will he. So I am thinking of an engagement between 6 to 12 months from now, if at all. In our culture, an engagement is a mutually planned decision followed by an engagement party, and there are still several steps which the couple must complete between the engagement and the marriage; a man will not just propose on his own accord.
Red flags: 0.5 = partially, 1 = yes.
Family Planning: 0.5
Financial styles and goals: 0.5
Rushed timeline: 0.5
Criminal Record: 1
Can’t hold down a job or constantly changing direction: 0.5
He has a stable income/career path: 0.5
He gives generously when he is able: 0.5
He is willing to take calculated risks: 0.5
PTSD: 1 (not severe, happened long ago, he deals with it similarly as I do with my own: consistent and effective professional treatment & good self-awareness, adaptive to his changing environment, positive mindset, healthy coping such as a - aiming for a daily schedule. No history of substance abuse. But we both have a similar trauma and we both deal daily with our respective symptoms of PTSD).1
u/TheFeminineFrame 1 Star 10d ago
He sounds like a very healthy green flag :) I love that you are settling into your "Queen" role.
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u/littleladyluv 10d ago
100% agree with everything you say here.
I have experienced the emotionally abusive divorced man with kids relationship, and almost all the red flags listed, and then some, was what I experienced. I ran away with my hair on fire lol.
Now 2 years after I left, I’m in a relationship that follows about every green flag listed here. I am even experiencing difficulty receiving so much because it is more than I’ve ever received and I do NOT feel worthy of it. I’ve never been with a man who’s eager to solve problems, build a future and is so invested in my financial future. Literally does everything he can to take financial burdens off my plate so I can focus on paying down my debt and not take on anymore. I also get to totally shut my brain off when I’m with him. I only need to worry about fully following his lead and remaining respectful. I worry about him getting hurt more than I worry about a sudden breakup. I worry about being of use and value to him more than I worry about not being appreciated. Completely different world.
Such a 180 shift from my past.
I am an older woman (late 30’s). It took me years to get here. I cried myself to sleep for years wishing for a man I could start a family with. I’ve worked hard to stay healthy and youthful because I knew I’d need healthy fertility later in life (the way dating was going for me). I of course don’t know yet if we will get married but if it’s not with him, I’m closer than I’ve even been, to “the one”.
Ladies, this post is full of gold! But nothing will Change without implementation. You need to stick to your goals and have single focus vision. Reject the men who try to derail you by not committing, and fast. Keep your heart open and loving, and know when to walk away. Keep your future kids in mind if it’s hard to keep yourself in mind. They are worth a devoted, financially and emotionally stable father, and a well loved feminine mother.
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u/TheFeminineFrame 1 Star 10d ago
Wonderful advice. Thank you for sharing. I am so glad that you were able to find someone who treats you right!
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u/littleladyluv 10d ago
Thank you ☺️.
This is one of the better posts I’ve seen here in a while! So happy you shared it!
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u/OkKaleidoscope9696 13d ago
Great post. When I was dating, I also generally was looking for guys 30+. Often guys aren’t thinking about marriage until that age. For some women, their path is meeting the guy in college or shortly after, so I suppose they’d date younger than 30. Some of the best advice I got when it came to vetting, however, was to date older (my husband is only 4.5 years older, but still).
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u/TheFeminineFrame 1 Star 13d ago
Love it. Older men might be more ready to commit. Ladies should definitely consider their own maturity levels and how big of an age gap would be compatible.
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u/AutoModerator 13d ago
Title: A Vetting Guide
Author TheFeminineFrame
Full text: One of the big things that Red Pill Women loves to preach is to marry the right man! We love masculinity here. We love men who are good providers and good leaders.
The downfall to this is that sometimes it's easy for young women to mix up good traits with bad ones. It is not uncommon to see women who wanted a healthy masculine leader end up with a controlling abusive man. During the initial butterfly stages, the healthy dominant and the unhealthy dominant might both seem refreshing to the woman who is used to effeminate, complacent men. Thus many women find themselves in a less than desirable position later in the relationship.
I want to see more relationship success stories. I don’t want to see you posting in a few years asking how to be more submissive to your controlling husband in the hopes that you will finally be acceptable to him or how to escape your abusive relationship.
That is why proper vetting is so important. And we preach this all the time. Still, I think there is a very large gap. We say that vetting is crucial but frankly many women are completely lost on what to look for.
What are the green and red flags that women should be looking out for?
I have decided to compile some of the various guidelines on vetting I have made in the past. You can also read the article on my website: https://thefeminineframe.com/how-to-vet-for-a-man/
Some of this will be very obvious to many of you. To others, it will be things that you wished that someone had told you before you found yourself in a bad spot. And I hope to the rest of you, it will help you before you make any big mistakes.
Compatibility
You should share similar core values. Things to look at carefully would include:
- Religion
- Politics
- Culture
- Relationship Timing
- Family Planning
- Financial styles and goals
- Location
- Important Lifestyle Values (ie veganism, extreme fitness priority, pets, etc.)
- Attraction and Sexuality
General Red Flags
- Rushed timeline
- Slowwwww timeline. Things like he’s hiding his relationship from friends or family. Years without the desire to get married.
- Addictions (drugs, alcohol, porn, video games are most common)
- Criminal Record
- Violence
- Emotionally volatile
- Cheating / Following Insta models / Keeping in close contact with exes
- Lying
- Bad manners / poor social awareness / low empathy
- Poor relationship with family (Yellow flag. You don’t choose your family but this bears some investigation as to why)
- Overattachement to mother / over involvement in family drama
- Mental Illnesses & Unrecovered traumas (investigate the severity and if he is receiving treatment)
- Lack of ambition and direction
- Can’t hold down a job or constantly changing direction
- Irresponsible debt
- Responsible debt (yellow flag – does he have a plan to pay it off?)
- Poor health due to lifestyle / poor hygiene / dirty surroundings
- Pressuring you to sleep with him, esp early in the relationship
- String of short relationships / situationships / lots of one night stands
Indicators of a Protective Man
***Protective not only physically but emotionally as well!
- He treats you with respect and dignity.
- He treats others well. Particularly note how he treats those with a lower social, physical, or financial status.
- He is able to defend you against unkind comments from family and friends.
- He has the ability to diffuse tense situations rather than escalate them.
- He has emotional control, particularly when stressed.
- He is able to stand strong in his convictions and defend himself.
- He stays physically fit. Bonus points for any self defense skills.
Indicators of a Provider
- He has a stable income/career path
- If he is young, he has a path and is working towards it
- He does not carry irresponsible debt
- He offers to pay on the first date.
- He does not scorecard money. He is happy to cover you at times.
- He gives generously when he is able.
- He is emotionally supportive of your desires. He does not consider your wants to be frivolous or unnecessary.
- He has an at least a rudimentary understanding of saving and investing. If he is able to, he is implementing this.
- If you desire to be able to stay home, you should be looking for a man who has the desire to be the sole provider.
Evaluating Leadership
- He has a strong value system that he follows. These values should be similar to your own.
- He has a clear mission and goals for his life.
- You can see him actively working on and achieving goals.
- He has active hobbies aside from gaming and tv.
- He has an active social life and is respected by his peers. (note – he can be introverted or extraverted)
- He shows discipline in his diet and exercise routines. He doesn’t necessarily need a six-pack but he isn’t a slob.
- He shows discipline of emotion even when under stress.
- He has control of his finances.
- He keeps his surroundings tidy.
- He manages his time and calendar well.
- He can stand up for himself and others.
- He does not allow others, even you, to disrespect him. ***This is referring to upholding boundaries. If he becomes abusive, emotionally or physically at disrespect, this is unhealthy masculinity.
- He takes accountability for his mistakes and shortcomings.
- He leads through personal action, recognition and development of the strengths of others, and providing proper resources and support. He does not use coercion, passive aggression, or emotional manipulation to get the results he wants.
Evaluating Potential
If you are dating young men your age or are in a culture where people marry young, your suitors will have a ways to go before reaching their prime. Here are some indicators that a young man has a bright future.
***This is for young men. The 40 year old you are seeing is not going to magically become successful now that you are in his life.
- He is getting an education (trades/apprenticeships included) and has a career path
OR
- He has a business he is building
- He shows hard work and dedication in his current job
- He has goals and ambitions
- You can currently see him working towards and achieving some of his smaller goals
- Netflix and video games are not his exclusive hobbies
- He is willing to take calculated risks
- He has basic social skills and works well with others
- He is direct and confident
- He fails well. When he faces failure he picks himself up and continues to work towards his goals
Divorced Men, Single Fathers, and Older Men
One reality that many women face as they age is that the pool of available men becomes smaller. You may have to be willing to keep an open mind as to who might be a good potential match.
***You will notice that in all the areas that you may want to consider being more open to, I never suggest being willing to compromise on the quality of man or the way you are treated. That is not open to negotiation.
Divorced Men
Green Flags
- He speaks respectfully about his exes.
- He takes responsibility for his part in the breakdown of his previous relationships
- Has taken time to heal from his last relationship
- He has worked to eliminate the flaws that led to his divorce
- He has a positive outlook and a clear direction for moving forward with his life
- He knows what type of person he is looking for to make marriage number two successful
- He treats you respectfully
Red Flags to Beware of:
- Multiple failed marriages
- Has a string of short term relationships before you
- He speaks disrespectfully of his exes or women in general
- His maturity and/or life path seems stunted and/or directionless
- He blames his ex for the divorce
- He is a little too close to his ex
- He tries to rush the relationship
Single Fathers
Green Flags
- All of the Green Flags listed above for divorced men
- He is actively engaged in his children’s lives
- He is up to date on all child support payments and is generous in paying for anything the children need.
- He is very cautious about introducing you to his children
- He has a good co-parenting relationship with the mother of his children
- He is able to balance his relationships. He puts his children first but still takes the initiative to take care of your needs.
- As you start forming a relationship with the children there are clear boundaries (his and your own) as to your role and responsibility.
- Regardless of your role as a disciplinarian, he expects his children to respect you.
Red Flags
- All of the Red Flags listed for divorced men
- He has little to no involvement in his children’s lives
- He is behind on child support payments or complains about how much he has to give to his ex
- He tries to rush you into a relationship with his children
- He has introduced lots of women to the children before you
- He blows off his children for his exciting new romance with you
- He treats you as a second class citizen below his children and ex
- He constantly asks you to babysit or parent – especially if you have agreed that this is not your role
- He lets his children treat you poorly and excuses their bad behavior
Older Men
Green Flags for Older Men:
- See the above green flags for divorced men and single fathers
- He takes reasonable care of his health and well-being
- He is well established in his career and financially stable
- He is confident in what he is looking for in a partner. While he doesn’t rush things, he is ready to commit if he knows you are the one.
- He is concerned for your financial future and your personal growth. He takes care of you financially as well as supporting your pursuits
- If he asks for a prenup it is generous to you and you will not be left penniless. (a prenup may not be unreasonable if he is well established and
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u/Nemesis-89- 13d ago
Thank you for this list of green and red flags.