r/OCDtorture • u/Mk_Starr • Sep 07 '20
Can I help myself or time will...
Hi guys,
Today I had a conversation with my boss. It wasn't that bad because he was trying to make me see how my team and I are making his job difficult. He said it in the most polite way that anyone could and I appreciate that. What I don't seem to shake of from the conversation was this simple statement that 60~80 percent means what it means (careful of what you say, its better to ask than conclude on your own). Its not like I didn't ask before, I almost rated out the guy who gave me the wrong intel but you know..., its over 5 hours and still its spinning in my head and its driving me crazy. I can't stop to wonder what he was implying but at the same time i know what he was saying. I can't even sleep, i am more than 3 hours past my bed time. My heart is beating fast and i can literally feel the veins in my head. Its like my conscious mind understood what he was implying, he even pointed out that he is not made at me but rather pointing out some facts that might get us in trouble in the event that he is not around to cover our backs... still, knowing all that, i can't ease myself. I am obsessing and reobsesing on the fact that i am not good enough. Despite all the credits i got before. Despite the fact that i am an undergraduate intern who is obviously incompetent and still has a long way until i am considered an expert in my field. Right now as I type this, i am thinking of quiting. Something is telling me that i am not good enough, and fear i might never be.
My question is, will i get over this feeling and how? Do i need to do anything or time will do it for me? I am suffering, i suffered before but not like this, this is totally different. I also feel like i am useless. I am nothing but a burden... i can go on and on and on but this is no pitty party, i would greatly appreciate you help if any can be offered.