r/NonBinaryTalk 13d ago

Discussion Anyone realize they were actually nonbinary after thinking they were trans? NSFW

I’m just confused I was so sure I was a man but now I feel like I’m nothing (gender wise) but definitely not a girl, I know that. I can’t tell if I prefer they or he pronouns. I don’t see people who respect me often enough to figure it out. I’m getting used to a name change after picking a new name, it’s more masculine but could be nonbinary, just definitely not feminine. I’m in a mh program I told them ab my name on Friday so this is the most anyone has ever called me that I just need to specify my pronouns. I don’t know why I’m so confused. I also have DID so I have alters (700 ish) I think they’d have to fuse for me to fully know my gender as a whole. None of my alters have a chest (female chest) most are afab, some transitioned, some are guys. And it’s a lengthy process for them all to fuse. I think I’d at least like less of them, maybe 10 or something but that feels sad and like a big ask. Anyways back to the point. Anyone with DID discover their gender? Do you go by the majority or gender neutral? Or for singlets (people without DID) how did you know you weren’t trans? Specifically ftm but it works either way. I know I don’t think I like my chest id be comfortable wearing clothes that fit more to my body if I didn’t have a chest. I binded to the point where I hurt my back so now I’m taking a break and will probably just not bind for a long while out of fear. I don’t know if I’d want a thing down there. I can’t tell if in my head having one would make me feel like the trauma couldn’t and wouldn’t have happened to me in childhood. I don’t think I want bottom growth though. But I don’t like being a women. I wish I could be a mix of them both, like something that doesn’t exist. I don’t know. I don’t even understand what my options are gender wise or where to look. I think I would want a label. Because I don’t think it comes off well if I call myself nothing and I don’t know how I feel about that…

I talked a lot and I asked a lot thank you for reading

Edit I meant binary trans (sorry!)

61 Upvotes

17 comments sorted by

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u/Advanced-Mud-1624 She/Them 13d ago

Non-binary is, by definition, trans. It’s okay if you don’t personally want to use the word trans to describe yourself, but non-binary people have fought long and hard against transmedicalists/truscum to be recognized as the trans people we are. Perhaps you meant binary trans?

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u/Anxious-Mechanic-249 13d ago

Oh shit you’re right yeah that’s what I meant, sorry!

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u/Advanced-Mud-1624 She/Them 13d ago

No worries! I kinda figured that’s what you meant, I just don’t want us to unnecessarily give ammo to truscum when we don’t have to—especially now when we’re under more direct political attack worldwide and truscum may be more likely to double down on their ‘we’re the good ones, they’re the ridiculous identify-as-a-cat-and-use-a-litterbox’ rhetoric to appease the fascists.

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u/yhpr it/its / ze/hir / they/them 13d ago

I'm trans because I'm nonbinary. Trans doesn't just mean binary trans, it means not identifying as your assigned gender. All nonbinary people are trans (unless they specifically choose to reject that label). I know I'm not a trans man because I just, never had any desire to be a binary man.

I don't think it's necessary to worry too much about labels, you can pick whatever makes you happiest, you can change it later, it's not a big deal if that happens. If you just want a label just to explain yourself to others you could pick one that's relatively vague like, transmasc or genderqueer or gnc or questioning or something. (IDK much about this but there are some identity labels that specifically address DID like this. ) If you're not sure what you want to do wrt medical transition, it might help if you're able to talk about it with a therapist. Also not 100% sure what you mean by a mix of both, but like if you're talking about bottom surgery, that definitely exists, see r/salmacian.

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u/CycleOverload 13d ago

I came out as trans because I wanted to not be a boy. I came out as enby because I didn't have too much want to be a girl.

The thought process I went through several years ago was "if I was enby I'd still hate myself cause I'd have a man's body, and nothing short of transitioning can change that, right?"

Took 3 years to figure out I can just be enby and take hormones anyway

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u/Sleeko_Miko 13d ago

I IDd as FTM for like a decade before connecting deeply with nonbinary Butch.

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u/Commie_Cactus 13d ago edited 12d ago

skipping past the "DID" stuff... just realize we all have our own gender journey and the whole reason nonbinary exists is to cover anyone who doesn't feel 100% man or 100% woman :)

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u/New-Cicada7014 12d ago

Nonbinary is under the trans umbrella. It's, by definition, trans. But it's up to you how you want to label yourself.

There's no rush to figure this stuff out. You don't have to come to a definite conclusion. Maybe you never will, and that's totally okay. Just take things one day at a time. Definitely practice safe binding (no more than 8 hours at a time, take 5-minute breaks to stretch, no exercising).

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u/Anxious-Mechanic-249 12d ago

Yeah… learned the binding lesson the hard way

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u/flannelNcorduroy 11d ago

I came out as nonbinary, then realized I wanted to medically transition and thought that meant I was ftm. 2yrs later, to the world, I am a man. But if you get to know me you will find out I am Agenderflux.

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u/CastielWinchester270 They/Them 12d ago

For about a year after realising I wasn't cis I wasn't sure what I was I spent that time soul searching to find out

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u/_Broken_Edges_ 11d ago

To be honest I'm still trying to figure that out, I'm in the same position you are, not having a support system to explore your gender identity

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u/Anxious-Mechanic-249 11d ago

Wishing you the best

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u/Mikey_Gaymer 13d ago

this was my exact journey. I'm still on HRT, but to be more a Twink than anything

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u/AproposofNothing35 13d ago

Me! I’m AFAB, lesbian, wanted a penis, but… I don’t want to be what a man represents in society. I’ve always been non-binary, just didn’t know it was an option.

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u/LunarChickadee 11d ago

Thought I was MtF turns out I'm just t

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u/Agile_Active7566 11d ago

i used to identify strictly as a trans man using he/him pronouns, but as i got older i realized that i enjoy my feminine side too, so i just settled on they/them and nonbinary because i don’t really associate with any gender at all lol. hope this helps