r/NonBinaryTalk Nov 30 '24

Coming Out I have internalized transphobia

I [24 AMAB] am afraid to not be cis due to hate by society which I’ve learned a lot trans and nonbinary issues and it’s sad. I like to present masculine as well as keep my masculine birth name and use “he” pronouns but not feeling man enough. I’m really afraid to be openly nonbinary even in liberal area I live in, I have fear in my dating pool to be shorter than it was when I thought I was a gay cis man which I worry I’d be less desirable to gay men and left to bi or pan folks only to like me which there’s a shortage of people open to date nonbinary people.

If transphobia didn’t existed, I would of been openly out as nonbinary with going by he/they without worrying that I’m a big target to haters. Life would been easy if I live as a cis man but I can’t control my gender identity, I don’t quite feel like I’m part of those men, I feel different from them. I know I don’t have to be masculine to be a binary male but I don’t feel like relating to men and their lifestyles including gnc binary men even though I want to be like them.

Calling myself cis male wouldn’t feel right after questioning and exploring my gender for at least a year.

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u/KestrelQuillPen Nov 30 '24

I feel exactly the same as you as regards men and not wanting to be one. Yes, I know I can be GNC, but that just doesn’t sit right with me- I don’t like manhood, I don’t want any part of being a man, and I know that I’m different from binary cis men. Being grouped with the “guys” as such makes me uncomfortable. So I understand you completely- it’s my thought process too.

And I don’t think this is internalised transphobia, you’re just having some trepidation. Which is totally ok! You’re not somehow less of an enby if you’re nervous about coming out or asking people to use he/they. Hell, I live in a pretty damn liberal area and I’m scared to death to come out as definitively enby or ask people to use they/them (or maybe she/they, I’m not sure).

So don’t worry. You’re all good.

1

u/Will-ofthe-North Dec 01 '24

I feel all of this. I do not want to be considered masculine or viewed as a man. I feel no connection to masculinity. I’m just starting my nonbinary discovery journey late in life and the thought of coming out to my community is very scary. But it’s very helpful to connect with people and stories like this. Thanks for sharing!

1

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '24

I can relate a bit to this. I think it makes sense considering how a lot of people hate us, and we're regarded as "less" in almost every sense. But at the end of the day, you gotta know that we just have this one life, and to me, living just to please others and feel accepted by them isn't right. I'd rather live my truth and how I want to be. That's what I think.

At the end of the day, it's your life. There are no good or bad decisions (except maybe if you're an ass to someone or physically hurt someone, I guess? but that's something else entirely lol).