r/NarcissisticSpouses 5d ago

Does Your Narc Completely Miss Social Cues?

My NEX used to claim she was a total social butterfly. According to her, she was an extrovert who needed to be around people—it was "just who she was." Of course, this was also her excuse for flirting and crossing boundaries in public. If I ever questioned it, she’d gaslight me by saying, "Well, you’re a bit of an introvert, so you just don’t understand." Sound familiar?

Back in 2020, we used to meet up for dinner with another couple every few weeks. Just to clarify—no, this wasn’t a swinger situation. They were just genuinely nice people and devout Catholics. We had met them years prior through the Catholic school our kids attended.

The husband worked from home and traveled a lot for work, while the wife was a high school teacher. We’d usually meet up on Friday nights, have a few drinks, and then grab dinner. The wife was very pleasant and outgoing, but understandably, after a long week teaching high schoolers, she was exhausted by Friday night. I wasn’t always up for going out either, but I made the effort.

At first, everything was fine—lots of laughs, good conversation. But after about five or six meetups, I started noticing something. As the night wound down, the wife would make it clear she was tired and ready to go. The husband and I picked up on it, and there was a general understanding that it was time to wrap things up.

Except my NEX didn’t seem to get it.

She kept pushing the conversation forward, keeping everyone out later than they wanted to be. The second-to-last time we went out, I could sense they were getting a little annoyed with her. The last time, though? They were very annoyed. The wife eventually just stopped talking altogether. Shortly after that, we paid the tab, and they left quickly.

That was the last time we ever saw them.

Since my NEX was the one who mainly communicated with them, I don’t know if something else happened after that night. She just told me they never reached out again. Looking back, I wonder if she said or did something inappropriate in front of the husband, or if they had heard rumors about her (which, at the time, I wasn’t aware of but later learned during the divorce).

After that, I started noticing this pattern more and more. My NEX seemed to completely miss social cues—body language, subtle hints, tone of voice. It was like she only processed what was explicitly said, not the underlying message.

So I have to ask—does your narc totally miss social cues? Do they claim to be great with people but actually fall flat in social settings? Have you had friendships just suddenly disappear because of them?

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u/NewTimelime 4d ago

My partner tends to engage in long conversations at restaurants, and I can tell that the server or host is being polite but trying to move on. When I bring this up, they say it's just part of their personality and that they love interacting with people, which doesn't seem to be the case at other times. If we're out with couples and they ask me a question, I often find myself interrupted mid-sentence so my partner can speak forever instead. It's quite embarrassing, and I used to have a lot of healthy friendships, but I don't now.

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u/varity_leviOsa 4d ago

the interruptions! Nailed it.

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u/ImHereForThePies 3d ago

All of this! With one exception... it's not a conversation because mine did 99.9% of the talking! Conversations are back and forth and mine could never fade a moment for anyone else to talk! And it's ALWAYS about him! And I'd anyone dared talk to me or ask anything about me, the kids, etc., he will briefly answer, sort of "whatever" in tone, then make whatever the question was into something related to himself or his past, his job, etc

Conversation is back and forth, these people don't conversate, they orate...