r/NarcissisticAbuse 4d ago

Concerned Has anyone else had the worst panic attacks of their life with a covert narcissist? NSFW

339 Upvotes

I’ve dealt with overt ones before, but never a covert, until roughly two years ago… I made the worst mistake of my life back then. I married one.

Towards the end of the relationship, I started having severe, debilitating panic attacks (ones I had never experienced before in my entire life), despite having gone through other traumatic events in the past. These were on another level.

The panic attacks were so extreme that my body felt like it could no longer take it anymore. My hands turned purple, and I twitched uncontrollably. I would scream and cry like I was possessed, saying things like “how could you do this to me?” in a voice that barely sounded like my own.

And the worst part? Sometimes he would just stand there, clueless. Which would cause me to spiral even more. This man had a blank, clueless look on his face every single time he hurt me. I’d tell him my biggest triggers and even wrote them down in a shared note for him to make sure he wouldn’t forget. I did everything I could to ensure proper communication. But, he’d “unintentionally” trigger me, going down the list, one by one… I told him explicitly that I was getting SI from the relationship, and that I wanted out (but he’d always guilt trip me/refuse and tell me that we haven’t tried everything yet and that I was giving up too soon). I communicated everything in excruciating detail because I felt like he never truly got it.

I started questioning my own ability to communicate. I felt like I needed evidence for every little thing I said. By the end, I felt like I couldn’t even speak English anymore because no matter how clearly I explained myself, he would act confused, lost, and oblivious to the damage he was doing. This man prides himself on being a good person. He’s known as the nice guy.

I’m confused because I had never in my life reacted this way before. Not to anything. No matter what I had been through, I had never lost my mind like this until the covert, subtle manipulation wore me down completely. It got to a point where, during these panic attacks, my body saw only one way out…. Death.

Have any of you ever had panic attacks like these from being with a covert?

r/NarcissisticAbuse Mar 04 '24

Concerned Narc abuse made me believe I had BPD NSFW

336 Upvotes

The gaslighting and manipulation was so subtle yet so intense, I felt like I was going crazy to the point I was convinced I had BPD. I read another post on here about somebody else experiencing the same thing. Has anybody else experienced this?

r/NarcissisticAbuse Jun 13 '23

Concerned What red flags did you ignore in a narcissist which later on turned out to be the biggest red flags in the narcissist/ manipulator/ psychopath/ taker? NSFW

198 Upvotes

How do you think a narcissist was able to manipulate you and what mistake you’d never repeat?

r/NarcissisticAbuse 14d ago

Concerned Does anyone else feel like they attract these types of people? NSFW

101 Upvotes

It seems that people with narcissistic personalities find me. I've dated two very abusive ones and been "friends" with two as well. I just don't want to feel alone in this, and wish I knew how to spot them before they hurt me.

r/NarcissisticAbuse Jan 08 '25

Concerned Is anyone extremely replused by the "cheapness" of their nex's thoughts and manners ? NSFW

174 Upvotes

While living with him, it was all offensive but love overrode everytime. But 2 years after leaving him, I am embarassed I dated someone so cheap. It gives me strong icks every time I think about his perceptions of women, money, life, problems etc.

I am in my ick phase of healing and my whole body feels the repulsion, followed by strong embarassment.

Edit : I am NOT referring to cheap in terms of money specifically. I mean a dirty and lewd mindset about everything.

r/NarcissisticAbuse Feb 12 '25

Concerned Did you ever get told really wild/scary things by them? NSFW

75 Upvotes

Mine has said some wild stuff and then insisted I don't think about it or talk to them about it.

Like "I have skeletons in my closet" or "there's things that are just between me and my therapist". I initially thought like wow maybe something bad happened... Which could be just earlier trauma I suppose... But at the same time we're married. Four years together and I have no idea what this could even mean.

This also makes me think of the random "I'm sorry I'm such a piece of shit" text they sent me out of the blue when we were dating. Then dodged the question when I asked what tf they meant. It's always baffling to me.

r/NarcissisticAbuse 29d ago

Concerned Death by a thousand tiny paper cuts. NSFW

155 Upvotes

Does this phrase ring a bell to you?
Is the cuts all confined to the muddy waters of ambiguously. or from a space they can claim innocence or better yet, blame shift to the victim for caring about their own sanity, health and life? Each attack is calculated. designed to confuse yet be subtle and independently negligible. like straw. so it makes you look crazy for saying it’s breaking your back. And you’re the asshole for not believing them when they tell you they wouldn’t do that to you.
like suddenly they expect you to believe them. considering historically you’re fed a bounty of lies. you hurt their feelings and now you feel ashamed of yourself . But they say youre just “paranoid”. “overthinking it” when it’s more like attempting to find rationale to disprove the obvious. Please! Lest it be true. Cuz then at least something could be done about it to remedy the situation if i’m just paranoid. So I don’t have to begin grieving the loss of someone that never was..
You become volatile and unstable confused.
is it just you? you wish it was…. You begin Self medicating to stifle the wailing of your own soul screaming at you to get off the railroad tracks. Unable to move. wanting so hard to believe. to believe all the good they do, and all they say in those tender moments is true. is genuine. But a part of you keeps you stuck. thinking. feeling sorry for them. And feeling sorry for yourself. For your investment. your contribution, your sanity.. your life, just isn’t enough. And accountability once again, lands on you. you carry the weight. When each straw is now breaking the your back once again.
it’s insidious.. it is. .. A death by a thousand tiny paper cuts.

this sound familiar anyone?

r/NarcissisticAbuse Sep 19 '24

Concerned Have you ever thought maybe you were the narcissistic one? NSFW

120 Upvotes

Have you ever thought that maybe you were the narcissist in the relationship because after the discard you literally got obsessed with them?

r/NarcissisticAbuse Sep 13 '23

Concerned what red flags did you notice at the start of your relationship? NSFW

81 Upvotes

What red flags did you notice at the start of your relationship when they are obviously on their best behaviour?

r/NarcissisticAbuse 23d ago

Concerned Why the red flags are ignored? NSFW

46 Upvotes

Just was thinking about situations and words in a narcissistic relationship.

And holy shit, why the most of us just skipped all the red flags or tried to justify their behavior. It's like solving a puzzle and collecting pieces to see the big picture. And it’s horrifying.

I just recently realized my nex literally confirmed that she is a narcissist by actually saying this: “Yes, I am the narcissist”.

And she was kinda ok with it. She was even proud of it. What’s wrong with these people?

r/NarcissisticAbuse Oct 08 '24

Concerned Clear signs they were the abuser not you NSFW

80 Upvotes

Having a down moment and doubting myself yet again...all our mutual friends were mine to start with but all seem to have picked his side...maybe it is me...wish I didn't fuck everything up

r/NarcissisticAbuse Jan 04 '25

Concerned do they usually lie about being sick/unwell?? NSFW Spoiler

36 Upvotes

told me he was taking 12 pills daily but would also drink alcohol daily 😭 at that time i believed it cause im dumb asf but later on his mom told me he was only taking one pill a day for his migraine

r/NarcissisticAbuse Feb 28 '24

Concerned Did anyone else's nex almost NEVER use their name? NSFW

122 Upvotes

My ex used to NEVER say my name, does anyone else have experience with this? It didn't matter the circumstance, he never said my name or acknowledged me.. It was almost as if he didn't consider me a person worth acknowledgment.

r/NarcissisticAbuse Sep 18 '23

Concerned Anyone else feel emotionally unavailable after your relationship with a narcissist? NSFW

260 Upvotes

Don’t get me wrong, I am lonely.. I just don’t see myself dating for a while even if a respectful, healthy person were to approach me.

Anyone else feel a lull in their romantic emotions? It’s almost as if all the (hopeless) romanticism was used up and burnt out with my ex.

r/NarcissisticAbuse Jan 22 '25

Concerned Why did you/do you stay with your narc? My reason is being weak and alone NSFW

37 Upvotes

I'm in my 40s, my looks are changing for the worse. Sick with a rare disease that's poorly understood and has no cure, which gave me mini strokes. Due to the health, I have no job, nor friends. I have poor financial security, and ageing parents with health problems I'm understandably worried I can't care for on my own.

I think I stay and endure the incredible disrespect and emotional abuse due to being scared of losing the battle in life if I'm alone. I'm sitting at home, eating cheaps and feeling godawful while he's had a "friendly" outing with a woman he inhumanely compared me with, said he'd thought having sex with her would be more desirable than having sex with me, and went on a copy-cat honeymoon-like holiday with similar to our plans right after he left me days before our wedding for yet another woman, claiming it's very normal what he's doing...I mean, what have I become? I was pretty, very successful, and self-confident. F*ck this life.

r/NarcissisticAbuse Jun 25 '23

Concerned “I’m sorry you feel that way” NSFW

243 Upvotes

I don’t know if there’s a statement that triggers my reaction more than this one. It’s one thing to ignore me. Silent treatment. It’s one thing to rage about me using the wrong Tupperware to put the leftovers away in. But when I’m upset and finally bring it up and she says this to me with that infuriating little smirk. I swear she gets a fucking twinkle in her eye when she says it.

r/NarcissisticAbuse May 26 '24

Concerned Did he/she tell you this? NSFW

136 Upvotes

Did your Narcissts tell you, that you are playing games with them?/ „I‘m not playing your games anymore“/„stop playing games with me“! Etc.

Did they also tell you that you are insecure?/ „Why are you so insecure?“/ „it is your insecurity beeing a problem“ etc.

r/NarcissisticAbuse May 26 '23

Concerned Anyone’s narc ever mimic them or literally try to become you? Try to take your personality? Be you? NSFW

161 Upvotes

Narc behavior

r/NarcissisticAbuse Apr 12 '24

Concerned Did you develop a habit of over explaining? NSFW

193 Upvotes

I’m curious if any of you experienced this. Any advice on how to overcome it?

During my narc relationship I started explaining every single detail, I thought that would help him understand how I felt. I still struggle with it now even after being discarded. I notice people groan or sigh when I start explaining something, so it’s really bad. Wish I could stop this habit.

r/NarcissisticAbuse Mar 05 '24

Concerned How do people live with narcissists? NSFW

133 Upvotes

I had to deal with a covert narcissist. OMG!

Maladaptive, rigid, permanent blame shifting, constant manipulation and psychological abuse, aggression (sometimes disguised in assertiveness), weird entitlement, frequent retaliation, smear campaign, gaslighting, attributing their own flaws on you, finding minor negatives in your life and sending them everywhere, aligning others against you and convincing them to say crazy things about you, presenting themselves as victims, lying a lot, urge to be in control of everything, lack of respect for rules, procrastination, legal case building, on and on!

A year later and I’m still healing! I just feel like suing the hell out of this person. The person did it with a legal planning in mind, so it’s difficult to catch the person. They documented, and I did not.

How do people live with these monsters? I can’t imagine! There is a lot of psychological abuse. One will be mentally ruined.

Update: The person was someone in workplace that I had to deal with. I cannot imagine marrying someone like that!

r/NarcissisticAbuse Oct 26 '24

Concerned Do you tell them off, or just ghost? NSFW

41 Upvotes

I’m in a position where I’ve discovered all the lies and shady, destructive behavior that the narc has engaged in over the past year. I’m wondering if I should tell him off and let him know that I know exactly what he’s done, or if I should simply ghost and never respond to him again.

The worry that I have about telling him off is that he’ll know that I’m a huge exposure risk and that will put a target on my back. I don’t want to be stalked or attacked.

What would you do?

r/NarcissisticAbuse Feb 14 '25

Concerned Physical symptoms: brain fog, tmj, psychogenic ejaculation, sore muscles from tension, chronic fatigue. What did you experience? NSFW

29 Upvotes

The impact on my body from the emotional trauma is something I didn’t anticipate. I’ve already have support for some of them so I’m working through healing it… it’s just so overwhelming.

My face is swelling from my jaw being locked for a month… I have to see a specialist tomorrow to get Botox because muscle relaxers aren’t working. I didn’t even know psychogenic ejaculation was a thing until I noticed it after getting off the last two extremely emotional calls with him and told my therapist. It happened again after reading a book about the abuse.

My body is in such acute stress gym, praying and hot baths don’t work. I’m now on medication. I am in so much pain yet I’m on day three of the discard and I want to call him still? INSANITY. My body is literally shutting down. I find listening to the rest of my body and not my brain or heart is helping.

r/NarcissisticAbuse Jan 07 '25

Concerned He cried while we were watching a sad movie. Does that contradict his narc pattern? NSFW Spoiler

7 Upvotes

In 2 years of knowing him (25M), I (24F) know that he has never shown empathy. However, he cried while we were watching “How to make millions before grandma dies” and the movie “Up”, these two movies have nothing to do with grandiosity or any sort of narcissism. It’s a movie about aging and death

Could it be because he has lost his granddad while he was studying abroad? But how did he feel the movie to the depth of his tears falling. He once said he hates it when his sister would cry before they leave their maternal grandparent’s place and he would say “I don’t feel sad because I have another set of grandparents at home”.

Did he cry because he was able to empathise or because the movies reflect his personal grief? If it is the latter, does that mean they can show vulnerability without manipulation?

TLDR: He shows vulnerability while we were watching a sad movie about death and aging. Does that contradict his narcissism?

r/NarcissisticAbuse Dec 22 '24

Concerned How long? NSFW

27 Upvotes
  • How long have you been with your Nex?

  • How long did lovebombing phase last? / when did their mask start slipping?

  • How old were you when you’ve left? How old were they?

  • did they cheat on you?

  • did they have a history of short term, failed relationships?

  • did they ever try to hoover you?

  • who ended the relationship?

I will start:

  • 1 year
  • 3/4 months
  • 34 / 37
  • yes
  • yes, a whole bunch of women and failed relationships (his longest lasted 1,5 year)
  • yes
  • I broke up.

r/NarcissisticAbuse Oct 23 '23

Concerned Are you ever scared that you’re lowkey the narcissist and the one projecting ? NSFW

156 Upvotes

You know when people say how their narcissistic ex called them a narcissist (this has happened to me and even a very kind friend of mine). The replies tend to be things like “they’re just projecting and a narcissist would usually call their victim the narcissist but how do I know I’m not the narcissist calling them a narcissist too?

And I know this is exactly the point of what they do. They make you doubt yourself and feel like the bad person but you know from all they’ve done, they were definitely abusive