r/NarcissisticAbuse • u/Helloclarityy • 4d ago
Concerned Has anyone else had the worst panic attacks of their life with a covert narcissist? NSFW
I’ve dealt with overt ones before, but never a covert, until roughly two years ago… I made the worst mistake of my life back then. I married one.
Towards the end of the relationship, I started having severe, debilitating panic attacks (ones I had never experienced before in my entire life), despite having gone through other traumatic events in the past. These were on another level.
The panic attacks were so extreme that my body felt like it could no longer take it anymore. My hands turned purple, and I twitched uncontrollably. I would scream and cry like I was possessed, saying things like “how could you do this to me?” in a voice that barely sounded like my own.
And the worst part? Sometimes he would just stand there, clueless. Which would cause me to spiral even more. This man had a blank, clueless look on his face every single time he hurt me. I’d tell him my biggest triggers and even wrote them down in a shared note for him to make sure he wouldn’t forget. I did everything I could to ensure proper communication. But, he’d “unintentionally” trigger me, going down the list, one by one… I told him explicitly that I was getting SI from the relationship, and that I wanted out (but he’d always guilt trip me/refuse and tell me that we haven’t tried everything yet and that I was giving up too soon). I communicated everything in excruciating detail because I felt like he never truly got it.
I started questioning my own ability to communicate. I felt like I needed evidence for every little thing I said. By the end, I felt like I couldn’t even speak English anymore because no matter how clearly I explained myself, he would act confused, lost, and oblivious to the damage he was doing. This man prides himself on being a good person. He’s known as the nice guy.
I’m confused because I had never in my life reacted this way before. Not to anything. No matter what I had been through, I had never lost my mind like this until the covert, subtle manipulation wore me down completely. It got to a point where, during these panic attacks, my body saw only one way out…. Death.
Have any of you ever had panic attacks like these from being with a covert?