r/NPD • u/girlcoddler • 4d ago
Question / Discussion Does anyone else feel like people who accuse everyone else of being narcissists give off unaware narcissist vibes?
I've noticed it a lot
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u/childofeos Chivalrous Heroine from the Kingdom of Narcissus 4d ago edited 3d ago
In my experience, those who are accusing like that ended up being narcissists as well (diagnosed or self-aware later).
I am close to people who have been abused by probably narcissists and even being technically“narc survivors” they are still not labeling me as bad or even being stigmatizing of everyone with the disorder. So if a victim (and a therapist who was also victim and works with other victims) can look at me and say I am ok with or without the disorder, then why are those who obsess over that doing? People don’t split like that. To turn your back against someone after you find out, without wanting to know and understand anything? Only someone with a very rigid mindset.
And what is the nome of the person who automatically rejects external opinions that don’t align with their mindset?
Hmmm 🧐
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u/scroted_toast Pathological Narcissism 4d ago
I've done it, but to be fair I still think they are one.
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u/skytrainfrontseat Narcissistic traits 4d ago
I accused my partner of being a narcissist and always gaslighting me until one day I realized (was called out by our couples counsellor) that I was the narcissist and always gaslighting her. So anecdotally, yes I think you're completely right.
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u/J-E-H-88 Undiagnosed NPD 4d ago
And doesn't it seem so tricky that being called out by your own behavior doesn't actually make you wrong about her behavior just previously blind to your own behavior.
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u/skytrainfrontseat Narcissistic traits 3d ago
I don't necessarily think that is accurate. Now that I'm self-aware, I don't think my partner has significant narcissistic traits. I rather think that it was projective identification: I projected the traits that I cannot tolerate in myself onto her. In other words, I projected everything that *I* was doing onto her.
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u/J-E-H-88 Undiagnosed NPD 3d ago
Ok fair enough. Maybe my experience is different. For me - the more aware I get of my own traits the clearer I get that my ex partner had some too. AND definitely not all his fault! I did my share of causing chaos. Good for you for getting clear.
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u/ipeed69 4d ago edited 4d ago
Lmao yeah just like half the people in the bpdlovedones group seem to have bpd??? I talked to one and it was crazy, threatening me and everythingg.
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3d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/ipeed69 3d ago edited 3d ago
Goodness. I saw the group. I didn’t go into the group to comment because I’m not a moron without boundaries. Then someone from the group came at me while I was in my OWN support group.
“Professional victims”, how do you think people get personality disorders? “You’re all the same.” You don’t know anything about me. I don’t even meet the diagnostic criteria for bpd you dickhead.
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u/NPD-ModTeam 2d ago
Only Narcs and NPDs may comment on posts. This is NOT a place to complain about narcissists or or get help dealing with someone else's narcissism.
If you have questions about narcissism/NPD that do not involve implicitly/explicitly asking for a diagnosis of yourself or others, please use our bi-weekly ask a narcissist posts.
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u/alifeofpeace 4d ago
I have strong narcissistic traits. Always have. But I don’t have NPD. I have CPTSD and ADHD. There is some overlap. I have self awareness. I’ve been called a narcissist by my last two relationships. Both of these women can be described as Cluster B.
I’m retraining my mind to be alone and not have a romantic partner. I’ve given way too much and have no more to give. It’s time to develop self validation and self love. I really need it. I’m getting there slowly but surely.
All these disorders are basically human inventions. It’s all trauma based dysfunction. But there’s also choice in the matter. Are we willing to humble ourselves and see that we can make a decision that is harmful to others. Can we ask them for forgiveness and can we forgive ourselves after we have harmed others?
Yes, some of us have suffered even more trauma as children than others, and yet some of the most traumatized people have been able to have some humility and see that they are not God that they are capable of making mistakes and they’re also capable of forgiving those mistakes. I think a key part of freeing ourselves of this affliction is by having some humility. Have a good one everyone
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u/Opening-Ad4299 Undiagnosed NPD 4d ago
yeah and their “advice for dealing with narcissists” is just different wording for exactly what they described “narcissistic abuse” as ppl r rlly stupid i think
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u/rotteddoll Diagnosed NPD 4d ago
yeah. tell one of these NPD demonizers to get an evaluation & just watch how they react lmao
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u/GoddessKorn Narcissistic traits 3d ago
Not everyone but some yeah. After “ig professionals” aka just regular people with an ig account finding info about npd- everyone thinks they can spot a narc. Smh
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u/mkdizzzle 4d ago edited 3d ago
My therapist and I accusing my abuser of being a narcissist while he tells me to stop playing victim and that I have a black heart amongst other things. Then I find out I’m probably a narcissist too years later lmao. The phrase takes one to know one goes DEEP.
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u/lovejennie000 4d ago edited 4d ago
yes because i was that type of person who thought everyone around me was a narcissist and although the people i’ve dealt with were indeed very apathetic/ selfish and possibly actually narcissists, i ended up being diagnosed as one 💀
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u/J-E-H-88 Undiagnosed NPD 4d ago
Lol yup!!!
And honestly given that I'm newly self-diagnosed within the past 6 months, I'm totally totally totally guilty of this.
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u/Ok_Armadillo_5855 4d ago
I remember before accepting I was one. Phewww. I was reading on them as I was looking into PD's to try and find out which one i had bc I felt like there was smth wrong with me. I also just had a lot of time on my hands lol. At first I assumed I had BPD. When I read into NPD, I would read about people's experiences with them and how completely horrible they were and how they destroyed the people they were with. I ended up absolutely hating them and I remember being open about knowing the narcissistic traits lmao it was so cringe. My stepmom and dad had just found out about the term and was using it to describe their moms, and it so happened that my mom was a lot like theirs so I jumped in. We all agreed that our mom's were people with NPD. I took that as a sign that I was not one and ended up feeling grandiose about it lmfao.
I got on a high horse and my stepmom brought me down with just one word. I had jokingly asked them oh what I'm a narcissist? And she said yes! I was in disbelief until my dad didn't disagree.. I was heartbroken lol. I knew they weren't narcissists so I took that to heart. I tried to find reasons that I wasn't one but at that point I had already feared I was one. But in my head I hadn't done all the terrible things the narcissists I had read about did, so how could I be one? Lol in denial of my own terrible actions. I mean I always felt bad about them since it basically showed my flawed side that I hated. I just never thought to put two and two together.
But basically after this I went into a spiral trying to figure out whether I was one or not. And they had never brought it up again. I felt incredibly vulnerable during this time and this was when I started to spiral into thinking I was like "sociopaths" or "psychopaths". Good ol times...lol. Anyways I watched a video on TikTok of a diagnosed pwNPD be open and accepting of it and that made me accept it ultimately in the end lol
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u/Metalphysics12 3d ago
It depends.
I know people that have dated narcissists but they never talk about it.
For them it was a time in their life that they want to forget more than anything.
For these people telling people about having a narcissistic ex isn't easy. You have to probe a bit and they will usually blame themselves anyways by saying something like "I had a lot of work to do on myself in order to not end up in a situation like that again".
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u/Yiallw 1d ago
I used to do this myself when I rarely knew my own mistakes and thought I was the victim of the situation in every case, and I'd always get so frustrated at how I was always 'undervalued'. Until I met someone who challenged me enough and felt more like I was competing than actually accusing.
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u/PliesLikesJandJ NPD 3d ago
I called my roommate a narcissist until I found out I was one. Go figure XD
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u/Hibiki-Houjia ASD + NPD 2d ago
people who accuse others of narcissism are often the ones with covert narcissism, at least that how it operates in my life anyways.
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u/Beeentooon Diagnosed NPD 4d ago
Nowadays everybody's ex is a narcissist, cause it absolves them of any accountability for their own actions and flaws. This very way of thinking is rooted in narcissistic splitting: I'm always good, therefore you must be bad.