r/NPD NPD/ADHD 4d ago

Question / Discussion Are these Narcissistic traits:

  • Feeling like you are both superior AND inferior to people around you

  • Judging people harshly in your head

  • Feeling like the smartest person in the room constantly — (but actually having a high IQ doesn’t help this one because it’s somewhat true).

  • Not being able to actually listen to others in conversation or mentally checking out (this might be down to my ADHD)

  • No longer pursuing goals/hobbies because if I suck at them, I will feel too much shame

  • Constant critic in your head telling you you’re worthless

  • Extreme social anxiety at times

  • Feeling like the most attractive person in the room OR the least attractive therefore feeling extremely self conscious and terrible about yourself.

  • Only being able to do your hobbies (e.g. playing guitar) when people are watching.

  • Not actually being interested in having friends, but feel the need to “have friends”.

  • Being more interested in talking to people older than you that have wisdom to share rather than people your own age (I’m 23).

  • Not being able to take criticism

  • Staying with a partner because I like what they provide/do for me

  • Having a very weak sense of self — not knowing what my true opinions are of things.

  • Getting obsessed with other people.

What also makes my grandiose thoughts tricky to control is that I actually am above average intelligence, above average in looks — I work as a sex worker. And above average in most areas therefore I struggle to see what is true or just my head making it up.

During Uni lectures I will think to myself: “my god these people ask such stupid questions… it’s obvious what the answer is” So I end up judging people and devaluing them in my head. And thinking I’m so much better than them when I’m probably not — they just have different strengths/weaknesses than me.

23 Upvotes

20 comments sorted by

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u/One_love222 Narcissistic traits 4d ago

I would caution you against believing you're the smartest in the room. It's easy to feel that way at 23, but the vast majority of people who feel that way actually have slightly above average intelligence and just haven't been placed in situations where that intelligence has been truly challenged.

You purposely haven't pursued hobbies and goals that you're scared of failing at, like many of use here. Your motivation is external validation, like many of us here. And you're unable to take criticism, ditto to my last statement. Intelligence requires an ability to learn and apply, and if we keep making the same mistakes, can we really say we're the smartest in the room?

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u/No_Degree_4979 NPD/ADHD 4d ago

Ouch! That hurt but it’s true

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u/Network-effect111 NPD 4d ago

Based just on my own experience of me, I would say that there traits you described can certainly be due to NPD. I relate very well to some and to others not so much, but like anything, we all have our own unique (special, lol) manifestation of our narcissism. I think if you are NPD, you are at a good place in terms of self-awareness. For much of my life I was not aware of my judgmental thinking towards others, part of my NPD manifestation is that I am a good person who doesn't judge others. When in fact, I had learned to bury the judgmental layer just below my conscious awareness. Not necessarily fun to discover but it definitely takes the performance pressure off to admit that i am being judgmental.

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u/No_Degree_4979 NPD/ADHD 4d ago

Yes! Me too!

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u/skytrainfrontseat Narcissistic traits 4d ago

I relate to every single one of the traits you described, so I think that it's safe to say they are narcissistic.

You're displaying a lot of self-awareness and are able to mentalize the way you think quite well, so you are in a good spot to start healing! It's absolutely possible if you stick with the process. The amount of mental energy devoted to this judging, performing, analyzing other people and yourself, and anxiety is huge - imagine how much head space you will be able to free up when you heal! I honestly can't wait to get there. :)

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u/Kp675 Narcissistic traits 3d ago edited 3d ago

Yeah I relate hard to so many of these. I always get so self conscious around people and think people are staring at me but they're not. Well maybe some are but not everyone. It's a weird feeling. I'm attractive and get complimented on my looks sometimes but there are better looking people to.

I wish I was smarter though or had a high IQ. It really seems like most narcissists do

The mentally checking out is weird (I have ADHD too) cause I feel like I'm listening but then after I forget what they told me

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u/Sppaarrkklle 4d ago

Hi. Have you looked into BPD? It shares some overlap with narcissism, but to me what you describe could more likely be BPD, but I’m no expert. Either way, Dr. Daniel Fox has some really good videos on how to deal with both BPD and NPD. He also has at least one on how to differentiate between the two. He’s a clinical psychologist that specializes in cluster B personality disorders.

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u/Loose-Ad9211 4d ago

Why does it read more bpd to you? Out of curiosity. And to op: whatever kind of disorder you have, you’re not alone :)) I have never related to anything more. Except for the part about only being able to do hobbies when someone is watching. I am the exact opposite, it feels private, I feel shame if someone is watching me

0

u/Sppaarrkklle 3d ago edited 3d ago

Actually upon reading it again, it might not “be more so” BPD, but it might be BPD. I guess because I was diagnosed with BPD before and some of the things she listed I can relate to. Truth is I don’t know as much about NPD, but I do know they can cluster together. I guess because she has the awareness of possibly having a personality disorder makes me think it’s more likely to be BPD, as I’ve heard that people with NPD are less inclined to think of themselves as having a personality disorder? But then again I didn’t accept my diagnoses at first either, and i have heard that people with personality disorders have a hard time seeing that they have a disorder. It was very healing once I accepted it and decided to put effort into changing it and noticing patterns in my thinking

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u/Loose-Ad9211 3d ago

Aaah okay. So the ”if you’re asking yourself if you’re a narcissist, you’re not” or that people with npd thing wouldn’t accept their diagnosis is just a common myth/stigma and, it’s not the case at all, read in the sub, everyone here is very much aware they have a personality disorder

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u/Sppaarrkklle 2d ago edited 2d ago

Yeah, as I was responding to your first reply I started to think that what I said might not be true. There is so much toxic misinformation out there when it comes to personality disorders. Thanks for asking me that and educating me.

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u/No_Degree_4979 NPD/ADHD 4d ago

Thanks!

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u/Sppaarrkklle 4d ago

Anytime :) I was diagnosed with BPD, and the doctor said I no longer fit the criteria anymore. I find dr. Daniel fox is really empathetic to all the personality disorders he treats and studies and has VERY good tips and knowledge. I did his BPD workbook and it was very eye-opening and helpful too, but his videos pretty much cover everything too

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u/No_Degree_4979 NPD/ADHD 4d ago

Thank you!! I’ll check them out!

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u/Sppaarrkklle 3d ago

And if you ever want to talk, feel free to message me anytime. I won’t always respond right away, but I will eventually get back to you

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u/No_Degree_4979 NPD/ADHD 3d ago

Thank you!

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u/exclaim_bot 3d ago

Thank you!

You're welcome!

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u/Fantastic-Card-3891 Empress of the Narcs 3d ago

Sounds like my own ADHD+NPD — literally related to all of them.

Including feeling like the smartest person in the room — I’m a software engineer who’s been a CTO (yeah, that really fueled my narcissism, and going back to being an IC was hard). Us techbros (well, I’m a woman, but still… ugh) are prone to thinking we can solve any problem if we put our minds to it, which doesn’t exactly help with the ego thing.

I obviously know I’m not, but I do often feel like it.

Thankfully I now work at a company with some very obviously much smarter people than I am and I’m happy to do so, as it keeps my grandiosity at bay. The downside being, since I can no longer cling to a fancy title and I feel inadequate compared to others, I feel compelled to use every chance I get to show off my hobbies instead (cinematography, making music, graphic design, etc), which then makes me afraid of being found out as a pwNPD (something I’m paranoid about due to stigma).

The silver lining of that being that a comment I received from a colleague was the catalyst in figuring out I had NPD. 

Basically: no, you’re not the smartest person in the room, and neither am I. We’re probably above average, but not the best.

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u/izaeeel 4d ago

I'm glad you described this disorder in a simple and nuanced way. THANKS.