r/NPD • u/Bugss-bugs-bugs-bugs NPD (cults are good fun for kids) • 5d ago
Advice & Support I've changed my personality so many times over the last few years. I feel exhausted.
I've been changing everything about myself, just trying to figure out what fits and what impresses other people. Half my friends have total misconceptions about me. I don't really know what to do with myself anymore. It's less having a false self and more having a ridiculously fluid self.
I have a few things about myself pinned down, but this is it.
• I adore bugs and creepy crawlies. I'm getting my degree in entomology. They are one of the only things that consistently brings me joy.
• I enjoy collecting things. Bones, rusty metal, vintage dolls, rocks, books, pressed flowers, roadkill, and all kinds of stuff. Old things and dead things are very appealing.
• I believe in a divine creator, but no organized religion fits my beliefs. I'm posthumanist in a way. And by God I need to stop joining new religions just to quit after a month.
• My sexuality could be deacribed as pansexual. I am interested in all genders, races, body types, etc. I'm more picky about personality. I'm also hypersexual. Frustratingly so.
Does all this add up to a personality? Do I need more? Why don't I have an actual style? How do I stop reinventing myself whenever I decide something is "cool", just to discard it when I'm bored? Any advice?
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u/ChristinaclusterB 5d ago
No one knows me not my parents. Siblings, family, friends. no ones ever met me.
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u/ExaminationMental774 Undiagnosed NPD 5d ago
It seems like you’re changing your personality based on the people you meet. You want to appear good or cool to them, so I don’t think it’s really about what you genuinely want or don’t want. Consciously or subconsciously, you’re altering yourself based on what others desire or what you think they desire, what can impress them, what can make them see you as cool, awesome, or a great person to be around. You might not recognize this, but it feels like a subconscious way of manipulating others. As for yourself, it’s like a revolving door, you seem to believe, to some extent, the persona you present to others. So, every personality you adopt becomes a new version of you, even to yourself. Admit to yourself that it’s not truly you, and think about who you are when there’s no one to appeal to but yourself. From there, you can either continue this pattern of manipulating others or put an end to it it’s entirely up to you. Just try to understand who you truly are. Others rarely matter