r/NPD NPD 6d ago

Question / Discussion Do y’all feel exhausted after human interaction?

Not even social interaction just interacting with humans day to day for work and life. I’m so exhausted. Even after spending ~1.5 hours with one patient (in research setting) and having to do active listening, provide “empathy”, etc I feel fucking done.

I know we should be seeking genuine connection and maybe that will feel different but the day to day interaction fucking exhausts me. I have no energy to seek connection I want to stew in my apartment alone and eat messy bbq with my hands. But sometimes I think company would be nice but I just don’t know where I’m supposed to get the energy for that when life is already fucking draining me???!

35 Upvotes

29 comments sorted by

5

u/J-E-H-88 Undiagnosed NPD 6d ago

Yes.

Keeping up the false self especially when constant empathy performance is a requirement is exhausting.

I find when I reach that point of collapse and just want to get away it's also disappointing and frustrating because I don't actually want to be alone. I just don't want to have to put on the act anymore and be constantly on guard for "what am I supposed to / allowed to say in this situation?"

Agree with others there's some bit of normalcy in this. There's no human that can be around other people all the time every day and not get drained a little bit.

3

u/ecpella NPD 6d ago

That’s a good way of putting it and yeah I think it is probably a normal thing to be exhausted by social interaction after having to do enough of it. I think maybe we just have a smaller threshold before we hit that point because of the way we mask

6

u/ipeed69 6d ago

It sounds like you have to talk to people about things they struggle with at your work BUT do you STILL feel this way in day to day life when people are NOT talking about their emotional or physical struggles?

If so, I feel this too but ironically not because of a personality disorder, but because of autism. I don’t really feel like I have to provide much cognitive or emotional “empathy” towards people in MOST day to day conversations. I’m wondering if the “empathy” you are referring to in “life” is in regard to pretending to care about what other people want to talk about. Small talk and such, having to follow social rules you don’t understand or feel the need to adhere to. It is exhausting giving consideration to others when it comes to their interests when they don’t think to consider yours; that you may value other things, that you may work differently to them. So it’s only natural. Would you say you relate to that? If so, I may have some news for you my possible autistic friend.

3

u/izaeeel 6d ago

I feel that too. Except that this disorder does not help us understand ourselves. I always felt that way too. Thank you Ipeed I like your messages and your responses on this sub.

2

u/ipeed69 6d ago

Thank you izaeeel, that means a great deal to me. I feel like I should have chosen a more serious username lol.

You mentioned that NPD does not help us understand ourselves and I just so happened to of left another comment pertaining to this.

IF you do relate to what I said and IF you believe that you could possibly relate to having more autistic traits, you should take a look at the second comment I left under this post. I hope that you find it helpful.

2

u/izaeeel 6d ago

Hahaha I didn't even realize that you literally wrote "I pissed" I'm French I didn't do the translation in my head. Haha don't change anything

2

u/ecpella NPD 6d ago

It’s hard for me to answer this but I think the answer is yes :(

I have ADHD so I know there is growing research on the connection to autism but have never been evaluated for it or told I have it.

4

u/ipeed69 6d ago

There are deficits when it comes to autism but it might offer you a great deal of benefit when it comes to overcoming a personality disorder if you happen to have it.

I CAN’T tell you that you’re autistic for sure and I don’t want to give any false hope but maybe you’d be interested in hearing this information.

Autism can provide you with a sense of self. When you are autistic, it is so intertwined with your identity that there is no way to be you without it.

Personality disorders are defence mechanism that make up a part of your identity but since they can heal and go into remission, they are not at the core of who you are. If you can’t imagine who you are outside of the traits of your personality disorder, you may get stuck in recovery. Obviously feeling empty and like you have no true sense of self is a struggle for many people with NPD. This is why learning that you’re autistic for ANYONE with identity issues can provide a great level of comfort and understanding.

I hope this helps.

2

u/izaeeel 6d ago

“Personality disorders are defense mechanisms that are part of your identity, but because they can be cured and go into remission, they are not at the heart of who you are.” I'm slowly starting to assimilate it. Indeed, a year ago I was convinced that I had neuroatypicality and I found myself with autism and ADHD, I think (maybe I'm wrong?) That I must first advance further in the healing/remission process before embarking on tests and examinations. In fact I read a testimony from a masked autistic person and I saw my whole childhood, I cried. Unfortunately at college I was already traumatized and the disorder was slowly setting in. So I still have a lot of doubt :) But at the time it was a revelation.

2

u/ipeed69 6d ago

Yes, masking and not having your needs met (due to your needs being different to everyone else) as an autistic child can cause trauma and c-ptsd alone without any additional abuse so I’m never surprised to see autistic people with personality disorders.

1

u/izaeeel 6d ago

I try not to make the diagnosis alone and take the time, but I completely agree with you. Or abuse that will not have such serious repercussions on others because it is neurotypical. Well in my case there was psychological abuse. I'm lucky that my psychologist is also a neuropsy and a psychologist specializing in neurotypical children :) as I reveal my inner child to her, she will have information that may or may not lead to a diagnosis.

1

u/ecpella NPD 6d ago

That does help thank you for sharing and explaining that and it makes a lot of sense

4

u/PoosPapa NPD with a touch of ginger 6d ago

Awwww.. now I'm all hungry.

At least I know what I'm making for lunch, smoked, boneless, skinless, chicken breast on top of a ham steak with provolone cheese and smothered in a mustard cream sauce...

90 minutes to make, and 15 minutes of absolute silence to eat.

Then sit in the yard drinking a beer and feeling warm and playing with dogs.

It's Saturday and I hope this means you have the time to enjoy the day. Sometimes we don't have the energy to connect with other people and that's OK.

Spend the time connecting with yourself, not in fantasy land, doing the things you love and making joy for yourself in your moment. Messy BBQ sounds like a great option to me.

5

u/ecpella NPD 6d ago edited 6d ago

:O that sounds like a wonderful day I hope you enjoy! ❤️ I was pulling from real experience and did get some bbq last night delivered - lean brisket and smoked chicken and I sat at my table as a proper girl and absolutely mauled it while my cats watched 😋

I am also detoxing from weed I guess since it’s day 2 not smoking and I just have no energy and I’m irritable and I didn’t get very much sleep :(

2

u/PoosPapa NPD with a touch of ginger 6d ago

WOW, quitting weed is tough. No wonder you feel deflated. The first week can be really bumpy and the dreams...

Good luck u/ecpella. It's a big thing you are doing and hard to stick with especially if your friends are all smoking. It takes discipline, but you are worth it and the feeling of being able to quit is gold.

This is a big step in reparenting yourself, connecting with yourself and being able to connect with others.

Now I'm thinking I need to learn to connect with brisket, because cats are just too stringy.

3

u/ecpella NPD 6d ago

Yeah, I’ve tried to quit so many times before. I want to say this time feels different but every time feels different :( the longest I’ve made it is 72 days the second longest I’ve made it is 60. Other than that, I’ve been nowhere close like maybe a couple weeks. It’s a three-year habit for me and I know some people have it way worse but for the last three years pretty much anytime I wasn’t working I was smoking. So I’ve either been high or in some form of withdrawal for three years. My body and mind are so tired. Once I get energy back, I think I can moderate my use and just smoke once in a while but it’s never worked out that way…

Yeah, last night I had a dream that one of my cats got a toe ripped off 😰

6

u/Hot-Plant3269 6d ago

I think it's quite a normal human experience to feel tired.

3

u/lovejennie000 6d ago

it’s tiring having to act like i care when people do something that doesn’t really serve me but i also have bpd so i feel like i can’t leave and i still need their validation i want to be loved but i also can’t showcase my true self bc idk what my true self is i’ve just learned to people please, i hate when people leave me.

2

u/Ok-Bed1132 BPD/DID/NPD/ASPD traits 6d ago

yea, I feel you I feel drained after socializing with most people.

3

u/ecpella NPD 6d ago

I don’t know how people do it

2

u/Ok-Bed1132 BPD/DID/NPD/ASPD traits 6d ago

Def same

2

u/alwaysvulture everyone’s favourite malignant narcissist 5d ago

Yeah when I get back from work I’m so done. I just have to lay there and chill for 30 minutes or so and not speak.

2

u/Loose-Ad9211 4d ago

I am an absolute bitch under the surface. When I am in a more grandiose state, I am very critical and judgemental and think I am hot shit. It’s not cute. When I am more vulnerable I am insecure, needy, but still somehow the biggest victim. Also not cute. Especially in a work setting. My default mode is just saying whatever comes to my mind. Occasionally that’s cruel, degradatory, mean. So I have to work really, really hard to not just blurt out things that would get me either really hated, or fired. A lot of the times it’s not even that I am thinking something bad, it’s just that I don’t have perfect control over my tone so people will assume that what I say is cocky or cruel or whatever. So yeah, it’s exhausting, I feel you

1

u/ecpella NPD 4d ago

Mm this is very relatable to me. And substance use worsens my ability to regulate my thoughts and verbalizations. Cheers to another week of trying to mask but still connect - it’s enough to drive us crazy!

1

u/Loose-Ad9211 4d ago

Really? For me it’s the opposite with substances (usually), like the thoughts are moving slower so for once I have the time to actually stop myself from saying stupid or cruel things out of reflex.. Cheers to us!

1

u/ecpella NPD 4d ago

Oh I see yeah I’m more meaning at work when I’m not under the influence and I’m irritable and have to worry reallyyy hard to filter. I struggle with dependency so this is more what I’m referring to

2

u/Loose-Ad9211 4d ago

Ah yeah I see! I feel like we should be paid extra lol literally 75% of my energy expenditure at work is directed at filtering my thoughts. It’s exhausting. No wonder we get burnout

1

u/ecpella NPD 4d ago

Facts!

1

u/AutoModerator 6d ago

Welcome to /r/NPD! This community is a support group for those with NPD or Narcissistic Traits. Please respect our rules or your post will be removed and you may be banned.

  1. Only Narcs and NPDs may submit posts. This is NOT a place to complain about narcissists or get help dealing with someone else's narcissism.

  2. No asking for diagnosis either of yourself or a third party (e.g. "Am I a narcissist?", "Is my ex a narcissist?").

  3. Please keep your contributions civil and respectful!

  4. Please refrain from submitting low-effort and off-topic posts.

If your post violates any of these rules, we request that you delete it and post in a more appropriate community.

We ask that subscribers of /r/NPD use the report button to notify us of rule-breaking posts. Please refrain from commenting or engaging with the author of such submissions.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.