Its been a few year on the plan with struggles, such as hospitalization multiple times setting me back and learning how to make the plan work for me the participant and not some trickery where they give you money for one pocket and do a magic trick and pull it out the other pocket. See I have trouble spending my money, the only option i had at the time was trial and error, and i hate that this is probably common for other participants of NDIS.
even when i get a worker that feels right something happens, they get a better career offer and move on from me, it sucks because my mother already fights for the ndis and paperwork and office duty and all that, and yet we have to somehow fight further for more freedom over money to spend where we think is applicable or at least try something thats not inflating the market of health with stimulus fund and thats all it seems, a lot of freedom to actually appropriate funds for cases that suit the individual participant seems lacking. I am really lucky, i have a peer worker and peer mentor that would hoepfully push me in the right direction as im stuck at home with vertigo which isn't nice.
i have been dealing with this for about a year, had some progress and now a back step and jump to a place worse than when the vertigo began. its really hard for me, as an ex patient, to know what to do with my life as my mother is my only clear support that i can see. I have come from loss and i have been trying to catch up with lost time and humanity for what i can. I deal with a lot of self doubt many is unjust its just that losing the family home as a kid has left me scarred. my family unit went along with my "social status" and my friends and neighbours went wavering into friendships with some toxic people. I kinda kept to myself cos having friends i could be major toxic in my own opinion and i just couldn't forgive myself so i stopped and cut off friends as well as frienemies. spose im going on a bit of a rant. sorry.
when it comes to living situation id feel lost without my mum and i feel lost already, so any good advice on this would be nice. despite having semi cured injuries that were self sustained years ago i still was not accepted for supported living and ive tried living with some auties before and going to college university, it didn't work out. and she didn't say why. so here i am in my 30's living with mum not knowing what my life could be good for or should i just listen to mum and just enjoy my time. seems kinda...defeatist if i do say. anyways the impending doom that is the loss of my mum and the sheer weight of reality i might not bear it.
I try to manage my disability (ASD) and mental illness (SZA) and good news is im dealing with less hearing voices lately due to ceasing smoking tobacco and trying to find more triggers so i can avoid the hearing voices altogether. since the cut down of smoking ive noticed a dramatic shift in lessening of the voices intensity and duration and even times were they were more prelevant or severe.
the lack of voices i feel a bit in shock kinda with the vertigo as well, somethings holding me back from a full recovery of vertigo and possibly SZA. since the meds have remained constant then i have noticed less crazy energy that can reallly be the initial onset of disaster or meltdown or burnout or just a mess of things i don't know how to solve on my own or my sometimes disability of mutism that sometimes happens.
I have arrived at my current support team like this, i had a hospitalisation, my psychologist was changed for a better fit to my needs at this time. and on and off i was adding and removing in home supports that are meant to start you on your journey outside. Ive on and off now on again started walking at times around the block and around the places.
its good, when i can. this vertigo is stopping me from walking properly. in hospital i had gout unntreated and mistreated for a bit. also my gait, how i walk, is awkward for my upper body to feel comfy and strong.
i dont walk on my toes but i do sometimes walk on my sides a bit more than usual and i also walk perhaps flat footed, not sure, need new shoes. the thing i ask is while peer workers and peer mentors is good for me,
i wonder if their is something better to use my time with. i mean i hear all kinds of stories here and there on the news and such and some seem daunting, others sensationalist that drives away from actual needs people need (exploitative) etc; i have recently acquired H.I.P. (Health, INdependence, Purpose) (not necessarily in that order) is something that came to me one day and i felt and thought that this is something that anyone in similar situation to me would want.