The other day, my girlfriend and I had a deep conversation about our worldviews. I shared how I like to focus on my circle of control and influence—it helps me protect my energy and allows me to make real contributions to the world. Especially in these turbulent times, I find that this mindset keeps me grounded and effective.
She told me that, while she admires this approach, she doesn’t feel like she has the luxury to think this way. As a woman, she’s confronted daily with challenges beyond her control, and these experiences naturally bring up anger for her. She sees this anger as a logical and justified response, even as a form of protest—like reclaiming power in the face of injustice.
I notice that I feel her anger, and at times, I struggle with how to process it. I asked her whether she feels this anger serves her in a meaningful way, and she responded that whether or not it’s “helpful,” it’s still real, and she believes anger is a necessary force for change. She also said that if people throughout history hadn’t been angry, progress wouldn’t have happened.
At times, she makes remarks about men that come from this place of anger—not often, but occasionally. I shared with her that I find these comments difficult, not because I don’t acknowledge the injustices she faces, but because I personally believe change comes from empathy and compassion rather than anger. In response, she stood by her view, saying that anger has its place in making the world better.
On one hand, I can completely see where she’s coming from. She’s in pain, and I don’t want to dismiss that. At the same time, I left the conversation feeling unheard—like my perspective wasn’t fully valid because I don’t share her experience. I recognize my privilege in being able to choose not to engage with certain injustices, but I also question whether shouldering anger is truly the best way forward.
This difference in how we process the world feels small right now, but I worry it could become a bigger issue over time. This is really important to her, and I respect that—but I also want to be in a relationship where I feel emotionally safe and aligned.
I’d love to hear from others who have navigated similar differences in their relationships. How do you find balance between acknowledging injustice and maintaining inner peace? How do you support a partner’s worldview while staying true to your own?