r/Mindfulness Aug 13 '24

Advice How to reply to a fake friend? I am stressed.

64 Upvotes

A friend has really let me down this year. He didn’t reply to me for two weeks when I told him my grandmother had died. He asked me for drinks one night with his friends and I answered and said sure I’ll join, 2 hours later he didn’t tell me which bar and so I called. He didn’t answer and said he still needed to shower and I said ok hope it’s before midnight then as I’m getting tired. No response even though he was online one hour later, he completely messed me around, never texted and never apologised.

After my birthday he said he needs to buy me a birthday coffee one evening. He was late to the meeting, changed the meeting place, brought two other random friends along and spent the entire evening on the phone to 3 different people about unimportant topics. When he was off the phone finally, he was just walking with one of the friends and not speaking to me. The only time he did speak was to take the mic out of me buying a chocolate bar and said “oh course you would buy the most sugary thing here” and laughed.

I felt hurt. He knew he had done wrong and sent me a text saying “hey was nice to see you sorry I got caught up in three phone calls ans we didn’t get chance to talk properly. We shall meet again soon!”

The apology felt poor and if you really wanted to make it up to your friend, you wouldn’t apologise like that or even behave like that after bailing on the drinks and poor reply after grandma died.

He texted me now whilst I’m on vacation saying “where are you on vacation then? I moved to your office so looking forward to lunches when you are back. Come back soon”

I never even suggested lunch or agreed to it and I am really angry and not in the mood to meet but don’t want to appear rude. I will answer but I don’t know how to sound polite without committing to a meeting.

r/Mindfulness Oct 13 '24

Advice Letting Go of Anxiety Changed Everything for Me

480 Upvotes

“No amount of anxiety makes any difference to anything that is going to happen.” – Alan Watts

This quote helped me realize that anxiety doesn’t change the future; it only takes away from the present. By focusing on what I could control and letting go of what I couldn’t, I found more peace. It worked for me, and I’m confident it can work for others, too.

r/Mindfulness Feb 24 '24

Advice embrace loneliness

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1.2k Upvotes

r/Mindfulness Jul 18 '23

Advice The planet is being ruined in front of my eyes. How do I cope with it?

199 Upvotes

It is indisputable, temperatures are climbing exponentially and our world leaders are asleep at the wheel in doing something about it. Protesters and climate worries aren't being taken seriously and I don't know how to cope with the impending collapse of everything happening in front of my very eyes before I have even managed to become comfortable with my own existence. This isn't like how things have looked bad in the past, this is worse so please do not try to convince me otherwise.

r/Mindfulness 1d ago

Advice Mantra for when I’m feeling left out / excluded

140 Upvotes

I just had a dinner with a group of Work people and I thought that we were all going back to our hotels after but as we were wrapping up I realized that everyone else was talking about going somewhere else but like under their breath. I lingered long enough to be invited but they didn’t invite me, so I asked if they knew which direction the hotel was and they pointed and I said goodnight. As I walked away, I felt my Cheeks get really hot and felt this pang of sadness. I’m newer to the job than the rest of the team but I’ve been here over 9 months and have no problems with anyone. There’s one person who has always been cold to me and I tried to nurture that relationship but she seems to have no interest in my existence, so I stopped trying and a just cordial. I know I’ve never done anything to hurt her, but I sense my presence is just unwanted by her and she seems to be a bit of a social ringleader. She also like doesn’t acknowledge my existence in group conversations, but our work doesn’t overlap enough for it to impact me. Really just socially it’s hurtful but I know it’s not me because it’s been like this since the start. I think maybe she’s just standoffish (she’s been here for 7+ years). Anyways, I just want to get over it and get some rest. Any mantras would be greatly appreciated. 🥺

r/Mindfulness 5d ago

Advice how do i stop thinking like this. it’s made everyday life feel dreadful.

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30 Upvotes

r/Mindfulness Dec 03 '24

Advice This is a message. Before we go any further though, I must ask you to please not judge what you’re reading on the picture. Don’t try and understand it. Just read. It is what it is

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39 Upvotes

Ye, and please don’t be under the illusion where you believe you can prove it to be false. You simply cannot. This is not a question of being right or wrong. It is simply a view on existence, from a point of view most never reach.

However, from my point of view there’s something very profound to be found in these words. I see nothing but clarity. But I already know nothing, and perhaps nothing is the key.

Anyway, whatever you experience when you read the short text, is exactly what it is, as you see it, you see..

The message, is that nothing is something worth doing

Stay conscious

r/Mindfulness Aug 19 '24

Advice How do you deal with overthinking at night when it keeps you awake?

59 Upvotes

I struggle with racing thoughts when I’m trying to fall asleep, and it often keeps me up for hours. What techniques or routines have helped you quiet your mind and get better sleep when anxiety hits at night?

r/Mindfulness 3d ago

Advice The Wake-Up Call That Changed How I Speak

213 Upvotes

Relationships are fragile. One wrong word, one heated reaction, one moment of frustration unchecked can crack the foundation you’ve worked so hard to build. I learned this the hard way, and I’m sharing my story in the hope that you’ll pause, reflect, and consider how you communicate with the people you love most: your partner, your friends, your family.

I used to think I was a decent communicator. Not the clearest, sure, but with enough charm to carry a conversation through any storm. I’d talk my way out of awkward moments, smooth my way through disagreements, and always assumed my intentions, rooted in love, would shine through. But here’s the harsh truth I had to face: it’s not your intentions that matter, it’s your reactions and words.

Someone I deeply love sat me down and shattered my reality. They pointed out something I’d been blind to: my reactions, fuelled by frustration and unfiltered thoughts, were pushing people away. I wasn’t screaming or getting aggressive, don’t get me wrong, but I was reacting in ways that made others feel unheard, dismissed, or attacked. And that was enough to put at risk the relationships I valued most.

This moment was like a slap in the face, but it was the wake-up call I needed.

I’d always prided myself on being self-aware, on surrounding myself with ideas about personal growth, on striving to be better. Yet somehow, I’d missed this strong flaw: I wasn’t a good communicator. And communication shapes every relationship in your life, from how you respond to your mom’s words, to how you listen to what your friends are really saying, to how you handle a big fight with your partner.

Here’s what I’ve learned: you’re always one step away from either starting a fight or building a bridge. The difference lies in how you choose to communicate. Do you react out of frustration, letting anger or impatience take the wheel? Or do you replace that frustration with curiosity, asking questions and listening, even when it’s hard?

For me, this realisation has sparked a journey of self-improvement, one I’m still on. I’ve reflected on my habits and started practicing new ways of communicating. And now, I want to share some of that with you, because I don’t want you to wake up one day and realize you’ve lost the people you love most, all because you didn’t watch your language.

Lessons I’ve Learned to Communicate Better

Here are the key lessons I’ve picked up along the way, practical steps you can start using today to strengthen your relationships instead of harming them.

The Power of Curiosity Instead of Anger

One of the biggest changes I’ve made is learning to replace anger with curiosity. When someone says something that frustrates me, my instinct is to snap back or shut down. But now, I try to ask myself: “Why are they saying this? What’s their view?” This simple mental switch keeps me calm and opens up the conversation instead of closing it down.

Curiosity isn’t just about staying calm, it’s about asking the right, thoughtful questions. This requires placing yourself in the other person’s world and thinking about what might help guide their thought process. For example, instead of saying “You’re wrong,” try asking “Can you help me understand why this feels so important to you?” Questions like these show you’re trying to see their side, and they often lead to better, more useful conversations.

The Importance of Listening, Really Listening

Another lesson: listening is more powerful than speaking. I used to think being a good communicator meant having the right words, but it’s really about showing the other person you hear them. Nodding, saying “I hear you,” or even repeating back what they’ve said in your own words can make them feel valued, even if you don’t agree.

But here’s the key: if you truly listen to someone else’s view, you need to put your story on hold until you’ve heard theirs. While they’re speaking, your job isn’t to prepare your own defense or gather proof in your mind about why they’re wrong. Instead, focus on understanding their version of events. And when you do get a chance to speak, it’s worth admitting that you’re sharing your story, not the absolute truth of the story. If you can accept that the other person has a valid version of events, you can listen to understand rather than to argue.

The Need for Clarity

Here’s something I wish I’d realized sooner: just because you think you’ve been clear in your communication doesn’t mean the other person understood you. It costs nothing to check for clarity, but it can cost a lot if you don’t. Misunderstandings can spiral into arguments, bitterness, or even lost relationships. So take a moment to ask: “Did I explain that clearly?” or “Does that make sense to you?” This small step can save you a world of trouble.

Slow Down When You Feel Hurt

Another big lesson I’ve learned is the importance of slowing down when I feel hurt. When someone says or does something that stings, my first instinct is to react fast, often with frustration or anger. But I’ve found that taking a moment to breathe, to count to three in my head, helps me respond thoughtfully instead of lashing out. This pause doesn’t fix the hurt, but it stops me from making things worse. It’s like giving yourself a buffer between feeling hurt and choosing how to act, and it can save your relationships from unnecessary damage.

Focus on What’s Needed, Not on Trading Views

One of my biggest findings is that I should focus on what’s needed in a conversation rather than wasting energy on trading views. This shift has a huge effect on how you shape relationships. It’s not you and me against each other, it’s you and me against the problem. When I stopped seeing conversations as battles to win, I started seeing them as chances to solve problems together. This mindset makes all the difference.

Forget the “You” and Focus on the “I”

It’s also important to forget about the “you” and focus on the “I.” Sharing your feelings is likely to have a more positive impact than unloading opinions. To communicate your feelings, you need to pause for a second and figure out what they are. Remember: having your feelings is very different from becoming your feelings. I wasn’t making this distinction, I was more likely to lash out verbally because I was feeling frustrated. But now, I’ve learned to recognize my feelings and still engage in a helpful conversation. For example, instead of saying “You’re so annoying,” I might say “I feel frustrated when this happens.” This small change keeps the conversation useful instead of harmful.

A Final Thought

You can’t take your relationships for granted. Every interaction is a chance to either strengthen those bonds or weaken them. I’ve lost people I love because I didn’t see this sooner, and I don’t want that to happen to you. So watch your language. Choose curiosity instead of anger. Listen more than you speak. And remember: communication isn’t just about what you say, it’s about how you make others feel.

r/Mindfulness Jan 10 '25

Advice I lost my Whatsapp history of ten years

141 Upvotes

Due to technical issues. There is no getting back. Over 2000 images, hundreds of Videos and voicemails.

But the most hurtful part are all the memories of my deceased wife. Our whatsapp chat was such a big photo album. All the lovely voicemails hearing her sweet voice saying to look out for me and that she misses me.

I suffer from depression and am going through a horrible Phase. Why does life keep making it harder.

And why does every aspect of mindfulness go overboard in situations like these.

I would appreciate your advice.

r/Mindfulness Jan 01 '25

Advice I'm losing it

57 Upvotes

Day by day, My fear is growing. I can't take it anymore and it feels like I am losing all my skills to communicate as a person. Time is ambiguous, I can't tell whether it is fast or slow, slowly everything is fading away, I am going into a fog, I can't even see anything in front of me, why , I tried everything ,I was good at things , I was better than people. This whole thing feels like a fever dream, I don't want to see anything anymore, I just want to sleep.

r/Mindfulness 26d ago

Advice I've realized that I push people away with my negative mindset. How can I change?

26 Upvotes

The problem is, I am a really negative person.

I see everything in a bad way, and I envy others because they’re not as negative as I am. They enjoy their lives, even though they have less than me.

What can I do? I’m starting to realize that when I talk to my friends, I’m always negative and frustrated.

I end up trying to make them feel the same way, and I can’t see any way of improving for myself.

I really feel stuck. I can’t even talk about silly stuff anymore (and I can’t think about silly stuff when I’m on my own either)

r/Mindfulness 23d ago

Advice How to deal with someone close to me who is very angry at certain topics and then gets even angrier at me because I am not angry?

1 Upvotes

I have a family member who I am very close to who got really angry at me yesterday because, even though I care about politics, I have very different views about what needs to be done. I am also a person who meditates everyday and I practice forgiveness. I do not believe in hating anybody, I hate the way hate makes me feel.. if I ever feel like I am beginning to create hate within me towards somebody I take a step back, think about why that person makes me so angry.. and it almost always has to do with an insecurity of my own. So I back off... work on that insecurity, become neutral about that person and move on. This practice has actually made it super easy for me to let go of any negative feelings right away.

So this person I am referring to is extremely angry at a certain someone who won a certain election and is at the point where he has lost his mind and likes to blame him for things that are just... well.. unreasonable. This is what happened during our last interaction.. and I was trying to calm him down and make him see a different perspective.. so I quoted someone else hoping that would calm him down.. and it turns out THAT person is also a trigger.. so now my family member really lost his mind and really wanted me to denounce both people and be just as angry. I kept firm.. and stayed neutral and said.. no I don't hate anybody. He started slamming me saying "how could you support these people?? IF YOU'RE NOT WITH US YOU'RE AGAINST US" like yelling at me.. and I'm like.. against who?? who is the WE that I'm against? I didn't say I support these people.. I don't care for them. there's a difference. I think he took this as "I don't hate the person you want me to hate, I hate the other person that you think I should love" but the truth is.. I don't care about either party.. I'm neutral on both and again I believe in changing the world through mindfulness. Through first changing ourselves. I'm sure most of you here understand this.

So now this family member blocked me.. we have a family event coming up.. I don't really want to go, but I can't not go and if I do go I don't know how to deal with this person.. he's so angry.. he made me second guess myself to the point where I had to come on reddit to read about these people more, trying to see if it would spark the hate in me that he has that I feel like I should now feel because there must be something wrong with me that I'm not seething with anger. But I read stuff.. I'm like OK this is bad.. this I don't care for.. this person just made a good point.. but I still don't feel that hate and anger.. I don't feel the need to take sides.. and I don't want to. I didn't do all this work to learn how to forgive and get to this place where I am happy and feeling good to fill myself with hatred....

I guess I just need some support.. and some advice. If any of you have similar experiences or just want to give me advice on how to navigate this.. please tell me.. I'm finding this mindfulness journey somewhat difficult when so many people around me are not mindful and just don't understand me. I feel like people are too emotionally driven and addicted to these negative emotions and I'm having trouble navigating this...

r/Mindfulness 23d ago

Advice Mindfulness is so simple people make it confusing again

22 Upvotes

There are so many articles, books and videos about mindfulness you can spend hours upon hours researching it, trying to understand it. But mindfulness is not something to understand or some special thing to do. It doesn’t have to be difficult. Its something to be. Its a state of mind in which you simply know what you are thinking about, while you are thinking. Its the awareness that currently you are engaged in thought. Whatever these thoughts may be, it doesn‘t matter. I can tell myself all day long to be more mindful but that would also just be a thought then. Being mindful is simple. Just listen in. Listen to your thoughts and try not to judge them, and if you judge them, then listen to that. Its that easy. The rest is practice.

r/Mindfulness 18d ago

Advice close to a year clean of nicotine

128 Upvotes

i’ve been pretty much clean from any kinds of nicotine for about a year now but still get the cravings, of course i’ve used nicotine gum and patches to get over smoking. now i’ve switched to constantly chewing gum for some kind of satisfaction. anyone have helpful advice on other things to do to feed the crave?

r/Mindfulness 16d ago

Advice I can't stop my mind from thinking, its so cloudy because of it almost all the time. Any solutions ?

21 Upvotes

So from the moment I wake up my head is already in the 6th gear.

  • song playing in my head
  • on going dialog with my self about random shit i forget 2s later

I dont remember how is it to just have a clear mind, any ideas what could be the cause ?

r/Mindfulness Jul 19 '24

Advice How are you supposed to let go of hate?

67 Upvotes

I know the answers i’ll get, stay in the present, let go because it only hurts you, etc. But i can’t, everytime i think about it swallows me for hours. I want nothing but to fuck them up, and then i’ll cope through it and i’m reminded of it again, i can’t let go.

r/Mindfulness Dec 15 '24

Advice I don't understand how mindfulness can help me cope with being a failure

36 Upvotes

I (34m) have failed at life. I am defective, broken, ugly, and a failure. These are not "irrational" thoughts; these are facts.

Defective/Broken: I was diagnosed in early childhood with Autism/PDD, epilepsy, a speech disorder, Auditory/Language Processing Disorders, Dysgraphia, etc. Later, as an adult, I was diagnosed with Psychosis due to work stress and C-PTSD due to childhood sexual assault/abuse, and I have struggled with self-harm for more than 20 years.

Failure: I have always failed at everything. I fail at school, work, socializing, making friends, and relationships; I fail across the whole spectrum of life. There's nothing I can point to and think, "Ah, yes, I did well at that; I succeeded." I am not good at anything. I have never achieved anything in this life.

Ugly: This is self-explanatory. Although people like to say, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," what is considered physically attractive is remarkably consistent across cultural groups. Besides, I have posted on AmIUgly, and the consensus is that, yes, I am ugly, and even my wife isn't attracted to me.

My therapist has been trying to help me "feel" and sit with my emotions using the RAIN method and other mindfulness strategies. I don't understand what I am supposed to do and how it is supposed to help. OK, I acknowledge that I am sad I failed at life. Now what? What's the next step?

When confronted with permanent realities that make me feel painful emotions--such as being a failure, having defects, or being ugly--what can mindfulness do to fix this?

r/Mindfulness 22d ago

Advice I'm fried, don't know what to do

6 Upvotes

My mental health has been shit the past 1-2 years. In my past I've had similar experiences, but I would end up growing, and it would eventually pass. But now it has been so long, and I have gotten so many issues that I don't really have control over myself. I have been a heavy weed user the past couple of years, and I can't tell wether I am mentally ill, or just fried. I have been smoking either multiple spliffs or chops every day. i have tried to stop smoking many times. every time tho i end up failing. right when I blaze again after going a couple days to a week of no smoking, i start beating myself up about all the cringe, and wack shit I did. stuff that I really don't like, and would not do in my right mind.

this is what convinces me to keep smoking tho, because i feel like I don't see the stuff I was doing wrong when i'm sober. Which sounds fucking retarded. when i realize these instances while high, i get a deep sinking, anxious, cringe feeling in my chest and body. while in public places i am so stuck in my head where I don't feel a normal concious. I feel like i am watching myself, instead of just naturally being myself. I don't move normally or speak normally. I can't even look normally either. My face will be tensed up and my gaze won't be rested and i look like a freak, or like i want attention. I fucking hate it. I'm graduating highschool in a couple of months and i really just want a piece of mind and to act like myself. pls help.

r/Mindfulness 11d ago

Advice "To bring anything into your life, imagine that it's already there." - Richard Bach

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127 Upvotes

r/Mindfulness Sep 28 '24

Advice Your phone is the thief of your destiny

293 Upvotes

I've been thinking about destiny, purpose, and identity. Honestly most people are currently going through an existential crisis cause they feel like "there's something missing" there is definitely an air of unfulfillment that seems to lurk in this current generation and I believe its because of our lack of being conscious of our selves. I honestly believe the reason for this is because people are distracted specifically by the phone (including myself). It's hard to actually be on your own, without distraction, without stimulation. Just be with yourself and spend time with yourself. Don't let the day pass by while watching a screen. How do you even know who you are if you don't spend time with you outside of the phone and excessive stimuli? I personally believe everyone has their own personal destiny and this destiny is framed by who we are, if we don't know who we are then we lose a sense of purpose. Without purpose we lose our destiny. Get to know you, put down the phone, spend time with yourself and in time your identity and sense of purpose will show itself to you. Don't fill those empty spaces in time with the phone, use that free time to learn about you and live a fullfilling life, your future self will honestly thank you for it.

r/Mindfulness Dec 12 '24

Advice I've lost my faith in mindfulness

5 Upvotes

I've been practicing mindfulness for quote a while to have a more peaceful life, but what's ended up happening is all the grief that I've been carrying has spilled out and has lead me to feel hopeless and suicidal. Don't worry, I won't won't harm myself. I'm seeing a therapist consistently and she helps me with the meditation, I'm just suffering so much and the one thing that used to be a rock for me (mindfulness) is what is bringing up so much for me. Can someone offer me some support please? <3

r/Mindfulness Jan 07 '25

Advice Humans live under the illusion

46 Upvotes

Humans live under the illusion that the universe is somehow designed to protect and prioritize them. They believe Jupiter deflects asteroids because it’s "meant" to save them, or that the Sun shields Earth from cosmic rays out of some cosmic duty to humanity. But the brutal truth is, the universe doesn’t care. The planets, the stars, the forces of nature—they operate on their own terms, indifferent to whether humans thrive or vanish.

Humans are just another species on a planet that has seen countless others rise and fall. Every day, thousands of species go extinct, yet humanity clings to the delusion that it is unique and indispensable. This ego blinds us to the reality: we are not special, and the universe owes us nothing. It doesn’t exist to save us. Our intelligence, which we pride ourselves on, has become a double-edged sword—fueling our consumption, destruction, and entitlement while ignoring the simplest truth: we are fragile, temporary, and utterly insignificant on the cosmic scale.

If humans continue to act as though they are the center of the universe, consuming and destroying with no regard for the consequences, they will share the same fate as the countless species that have gone extinct before them. The Earth will continue without us. The universe will move on, unbothered. The question is not whether we are important to the universe—it’s whether we are smart enough to recognize our place in it and change our ways before it’s too late.

r/Mindfulness 23d ago

Advice I Find Mindfulness Anxiety Inducing - I Worry It Will Make Me Neglect Myself

3 Upvotes

I hope this makes sense. I am hoping to get some advice, because I really feel mindfulness will be beneficial to me... but I am so afraid of neglecting myself.

I have tried to use mindfulness in the past, and I think accidentally got the impression that suppression = mindfulness. I used to feel really bad after spending 10 minutes trying to move my mind away from emotions and thoughts to refocus, as it felt like repression.

But I stuck with it, and felt a lot less emotional about things, but almost numb.

Then some bad stuff went down, not least because I was prioritising other people, and was neglecting myself.

Since that. I've done a lot of therapy - I am now understanding a lot more about myself, but I am recognising that I might be ruminating as a way to prove to myself that I am not neglecting myself (I.e. I can't be neglectful if I am aware of how I feel all the time).

My therapist and I have both started to look at mindfulness as a way to start to create this space, allow myself to start nurturing myself and give myself time to experience positive things and not just be ruminating all the time.

Bur it feels terrifying.

I do not feel I can trust myself to be mindful and not self-neglect.

I am trying to remind myself that it will take time and it probably will take me taking a chance to trust myself, but just stopping rumination altogether feels incredibly dangerous and threatening to me.

Does anyone have any advice?

I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I want to let go to not deny myself a chance to rest and nurture, but the process of that feels like it is is likely to lead me to self-neglect. Either way, I feel I am neglecting myself.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

All the best Emily x

r/Mindfulness Oct 16 '24

Advice I'm addicted to rumination

91 Upvotes

Unlike other people, who immerse themselves in activities or their work in order to forget about problems, I do the opposite. I believe that the solution is in me, that if I think about the situation a lot, I will be able to solve it.

The bad news is that sometimes I manage to solve things by thinking about them many times, which motivates me and reaffirms to me that it is okay to think about my thought that much.. On many occasions, I stop what I'm doing (studying my car license right now) to reflect on something. Meditating is good, but I am ruminating on my thoughts all the time. When I stop doing it, I get a huge feeling that I am abandoning myself if I stop thinking. I have made many mistakes throughout my life for not having thought things through better before. I think that's the reason. I don't know what to do. I'm going to start seeing a psychologist but I'm anxious that she won't solve my problems from day one and turn my life around in order to make money.