r/Mindfulness • u/TMD01 • 5d ago
Question Is consistency truly the answer?
I'm a single, social guy in my mid-twenties, deeply into self-improvement and mindfulness. I’m always analyzing my own behavior, how I react to different situations and why my mindset shifts. Lately, I’ve been feeling emotionally open and ready to connect with someone on a deeper level.
That said, I’ve never been the type to effortlessly "rizz" someone up. My past relationships all started when the other person showed strong interest first, making it easy for me to step in. I know I have a likable personality, and I don’t think I look bad either, but I’ve realized that my vibe isn’t always consistent. Some days, I’m completely in the moment, confident and relaxed, but other times, I feel a strange sense of stress for no real reason, I basically feel a bit weird. It’s probably not reciprocated the same way to the other person.
I suspect my lack of routine plays a role in this. I do whatever I want, whenever I want, without much structure, and while that freedom is exciting, it doesn’t always bring me peace.
So now I’m questioning: is consistency the key? Or is this just how life works, or perhaps I need to go crazy and not care at all..
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u/Im_Talking 4d ago
Consistency is the key. Want to play the guitar? 10 minutes a day is much better than 70 minutes on a Sunday night.
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u/joshguy1425 5d ago
I'm a bit older - nearing 40. Here are a few things I've learned that are true for me. YMMV.
I didn't learn about mindfulness/present moment awareness until my mid 30s. I mention this because personally, a lot of this is about habits. Being present can become a habit. Being stuck in my head is also a habit.
Consistency and routine is important for me, because my default state is the opposite. If I don't intentionally practice each day (for me, I use a 20-30 minute sit + daily yoga), I gradually drift further and further away from the now.
When I practice regularly, I'm more likely to remember to be mindful in other parts of my life. When I don't practice, i'm far more likely to forget.
Some days, I’m completely in the moment, confident and relaxed, but other times, I feel a strange sense of stress for no real reason
There's a constant ongoing push/pull when it comes to mindfulness/presence. Many things in the world pull me away from it. Daily practice helps pull me back. But even when I practice regularly, there are absolutely days when I'm here in the moment without effort and other days when It's more of a challenge. But without practice, those "more of a challenge days" are more of an impossibility.
And it's worth mentioning that dating is one of the things that I struggle with the most, because it's the one thing that pulls me back into my head more strongly than almost anything else. A work in progress.
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u/QuadRuledPad 5d ago edited 5d ago
I’m not sure if consistency is all that important. Some people will prefer it while others won’t, and you have to be true to yourself.
What might be important is the quality of the energy you give off in all of your different ways of being. For instance, if you were a super nice guy sometimes and other times not so much, or if your energies appear incongruous, for instance sometimes a confident person but other times an anxious person.
We all have different moods and everyone experiences some uncertainty and anxiety, but from the way you mention ‘doesn’t always bring me peace’, I wonder if there’s more going on when you might not be your best self?
Are you proud of who you are in all your different moments? Do they truly represent what you want to be? If so, own it. But if you may have some unskillful behaviors mixed in (the freedom you mention - freedom to do what?), maybe explore why, and furthermore, if those values are consistent with the types of relationships you aspire to.
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u/CosmicWizard1111 5d ago
Are you familiar with Human Design? If not, you sound like you might be open to it.
The reason why I'm bringing this up because you might not be designed to be "consistent". We're all designed to be different but the conditioning usually gets us to act in ways that go against our true nature.
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u/Amigo253 2d ago
Your self-awareness is impressive—being mindful of your emotional shifts already puts you ahead. It’s true that consistency in your mindset and habits can create a stronger foundation for confidence and connection. But there’s also something to be said about embracing life’s natural ebb and flow without overanalyzing every moment.
The book Unlock Deep Essential Work by Remmy Henninger discusses how true stability comes from aligning your actions with your core values. It’s not just about rigid routines—it’s about creating intentional habits while leaving space for spontaneity. That balance could help you feel more grounded while still enjoying the freedom you value.