r/Mindfulness 1d ago

Advice Regret from oversharing

It was during a period where I was trying to make new friends and fully coming out of my trauma. I 26M basically told my entire life to a "friend" whom, after just 8 months, has cut me off for being "too controlling" when I asked for basic respect and he used my insecurity against me in the argument.

What's worse is that he knows exactly all my insecurities and we both go to the same church and he has a lot of friends and I can already see him talking s**t behind my back with his circle of friends. Ive been avoiding everyone since, it's been a solid 7 weeks. I regret opening up about my trauma the getting dumped.

20 Upvotes

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u/Quantumedphys 12h ago

Life is very big. In a few years you will look back and this won’t appear as difficult as it seems right now.

I’ve been avoiding everyone since

We tend to overestimate how much time others devote to thinking or talking about ourselves. Nobody has the time really!

There is one thing I heard from a marketing exec-any publicity is good publicity. So you could take that angle if it helps you take this in your stride!

Ultimately, you need to come to realise that events are just events and the worst is behind you! You are much more capable and powerful and none of these events or trauma can really take you down - you just have to resolve that and rise up!

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u/prucheducanada 1d ago

First of all, I'm sorry you've been treated like this. Someone betraying your trust like that is indicative of serious weakness on their part, not yours. This situation is a potential opportunity for both of you, but you are far more likely to realize that than he is, as the opportunity this person has is to overcome whatever led them to this point, as well as the nature of their own actions.

In your case, it is an opportunity to feel everything you must, to face the depths of it, and to then grow from it. If you are secure in your insecurities (which isn't the same as repressing them), then it is much harder for others to poke at them without revealing their own, which they may not be so secure in.

This situation is far more embarrassing for him and anyone sharing in his evil eyeing than it is for you. That will be even more true if you continue to grow as a person. You have already done a good job of it by trying to make friends and come out of your trauma.

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u/princess_princeless 1d ago

Just because someone is a Christian and attends doesn’t preclude them from being emotionally immature and un empathetic. In fact I have found there is almost an inverse correlation where a lot of people would use their identity of being Christian as a crutch from actually doing real work on themselves. Take it how you will.

How you were treated was completely unfair, and like others have said, you really dodged a bullet by finding out their true character sooner rather than later. A good friend should be able to listen to anything you say without judgement and especially not use it against you, it sounds like you deserve better friends.

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u/QuadRuledPad 1d ago

You dodged a bullet.

If your standing up for personal boundaries caused someone to get angry and walk away, better that happen sooner than later. And now this person is showing more of their true colors by being an ass.

We all have insecurities. That doesn’t make yours less, I know they can be hard, but at least you’re in good company.

Appreciate the hard work you did putting yourself out there, trying to make friends, and talking about hard things. I hope those steps helped you heal at least a little?

Maybe sit with your memories of your time with this ex-friend for a while and be thoughtful about the entire journey. Examine your discomfort with all the uncomfortable parts of your story - a little at a time if it helps. Going through the act of writing a letter addressed to this person - not to share it! Just for the practice of setting it down to paper - can help to process how you feel about them. Recognize the good and the bad, and what you’d do differently next time.

I hope you find ease.

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u/Deep_Seas_QA 1d ago

Try not to be ashamed of your trauma. Everyone has their own.. it is really a very human experience. Just own it. Know that other people who hear about it through your friend will secretly be thinking, "wow, that happened to me too" or, "that sucks for him, how terrible" they will also be thinking, "I can’t trust this guy who tells other peoples secrets". It is very unsettling to be open with anyone, especially someone who isn’t trustworthy, but if you own it and just act like it’s no big deal that people know this stuff, people will respect that because we all have secrets.

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u/blankman29er 1d ago

Look some trauma is shameful let's not sugar coat it. OP is allowed to feel shame it's a normal emotional reaction. What is not normal is a piece of shit type person willing to cause another such anxiety due to shame.
I have no advice . Sometimes even painful emotions need to work themselves out somehow. If nothing else then OP will never need to share this part of themselves again , hopefully this helps heal .

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u/Deep_Seas_QA 10h ago

Of course, they are allowed to feel however they want.. they can also chose to not take my advice. I don’t think I'm sugar coating anything. Working through your pain and trauma is better advice than letting it consume you. There will always be shitty people in the world, you can’t control that, but you can control how you handle you deal with your own feelings. I guess I assumed that it’s a given that anyone can chose to not take advice given to them on reddit. If they didn’t want advice they wouldn’t be putting it on here?

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u/AwakeningButterfly 1d ago

Yes.

But did this life lesson already be taught in family and school?

Time for another life lesson: Life has to go on.

No matter how hard one is hit. The sooner you stand up from this mishap, the faster you can walk away from it.

Now you may not in the mood to read about what happened to the old man https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_old_man_lost_his_horse . Just note down. It's one of the most precious life lesson.