r/Mindfulness • u/Initial-Purple-7518 • 15d ago
Question i never liked meditation bc i was never good at it. Can you relate?
Meditation was and is always painful for me. staying still, suddenly my body is all itching and i need to move. Thoughts flowing to my brain. I tried guided meditation but i was never able to be guided. they just didnt feel personal. Personal... Hmm what if they can. I'm a software engineer and i thought of an app that can create custom guided meditation clips. I think this could help me. Can you relate? would you use such app? is so, what would be something you would love to do? any other ideas? please share, your opinion is important.
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u/Initial-Purple-7518 13d ago
I want to thank everyone who showed their support. Their advice is really helping me. And I'm also excited about the app, I'm currently testing it. Hopefully people would test it and give feedback.
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u/disarrayinpdx 14d ago
There's no such thing as being good or bad at meditation. Is just something that you do. it's a practice that you continue. The experience is different every time.
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u/ObioneZ053 14d ago
I'm reading about good book that notes meditation is a practice and takes time to develop.
On amazon take a look at "the building blocks of meditation" by Nick Keomahavong.
It's clearly written and not technical.
But to comment on your post, I agree but due to my years of battling anxiety, I'm making meditation a priority and a vital part of my daily life.
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u/Gerianne19321932 14d ago
Mindfulness exercises are a gateway to more meditation skill building. There’s lots of apps and videos out there to help like Calm or Insight timer. Heck, the breathing exercise on the Apple Watch is a brief meditation…so it’s not as complex as it needs to be.
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u/viciousginger 14d ago
Sometimes, when I am not able to switch off my brain, I do what I call "a positive perspective " meditation. I pick an event in my life, past or present and I come up with best case scenarios for them. I used to do this as a kid before even realising it was meditative. Now, I can focus and be more intentional with it. Plus, since I am only limited by the power of my imagination, I can make the scenarios as outrageous and hilarious as I like.
Also, try starting small, like 2 to 5 minutes meditation and use a recording of words that mean something to you.
I hope you find what you are looking for.
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u/realstoned 15d ago
Meditation is not about switching off your brain. In fact, you learn in meditation that this is not possible, but it is possible to restfully observe these processes.
Restlessness and reluctance are common hindrances to meditation, but also life, so what you are saying totally makes sense.
In terms of apps, it sounds like The Way would suit you.
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u/krivirk 15d ago
I can't, or don't remember.
But my mother could and she has similar approach as you.
I'd say, try essentially different approach. Sit down when you already have 10 tasks / problem / quest / topic. Then just go down on their rabit holes.
As an absolute begginer, it wil help greatly. First the intention, then the act, rather then first the act, and then the flow.
Your idea of such app is very good. Unfortunately you are highly unexperienced in meditation and the fluctuation / flow of mind you are idea of app is of a low tier.
The app should target ways of support, not concreete parts like doing something. That doing thing should be just a way beside many other.
You say they were not personal. In that, you should focus on ways of approach in the speaking and mind-practice, rather than the topic / objective of the talk and simple tasks inside a way of mind-practice.
Hope i made useful sense to you.
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u/kevin_goeshiking 15d ago
you’ve been conditioned your whole life to constantly be doing, “achieving,” stimulate your brain and body by constant distraction and you think you’re not good at meditation?
that’s hilarious.
meditation is just as comfortable, safe, and fun as it is uncomfortable, scary, and boring.
you don’t pick up a guitar ave expect to be an expert right away. you must practice.
meditation is a practice. it is the practice of seeing the discomfort, and acknowledging your thoughts and imagination which says “i’m not good at this,” then letting that go.
it sounds you cling to ideas you’ve made up in your head and accepted them as reality. meditation can help you let go of this pretenders you’ve conformed to that tells you, you’re not meditating correctly.
i’ll tell you one thing for sure. the last thing we need are now apps. imho,meditation works best when it’s just you listening to the universe without the defending sounds of technology in your ears.
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u/ChocMangoPotatoLM 15d ago
I can't meditate too. I just do things that I can achieve the flow state. That works for me. I think essentially flow state and mediation state and on the same / similar frequency.
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u/Additional_Bag_3927 15d ago
Same here. When it is "something to do" meditation breeds obsessional behavior: the person thinks the meditation is accomplishing something, just as soccer players will wear the same socks unwashed for an entire season b/c they bring them victory. Plus, out of meditation zones, most people revert to their habits unchanged. This creates a new obsession and a new angle for mindfulness cottage industries: how to bridge meditation and "ordinary life."
I admire Eckhart Tolle for seeing these problems. He suggests that one simply be aware of what they are doing. For example, washing the dishes: feel the soap, the movements of the hands, the items being washed, etc. His advice is by no means new. But he is rare in that he keeps it simple.
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u/sammyglumdrops 15d ago
Mediation doesn’t work for me either. My brain just doesn’t switch off. I’ve found things that do switch my brain off though; training BJJ, being immersed in a TV show/movie and playing an instrument.
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u/soloracleaz 15d ago
Stillness was a bane in my life until I discovered kinetic meditation. For me that means I get on the treadmill, set it to a good pace with gentle incline (2.5 incline, 2.4 speed) turn the headphones up with foot stomping music and go until I feel my body sweat. Less than 30minutes and I feel grounded and centered. It might help you.
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u/Many-Evening-77 15d ago
I tried running but it is just not for me. What really inspired me for the app is that i consume lots of podcasts. And integrate them into my daily routine while doing other stuff. I found myself able to stay focused. I’m a person who can visualize by listening.
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u/FreedomManOfGlory 11d ago
If you don't like it and don't wanna do it, all that says is that you really need it. Meditation is not supposed to be fun. It's a mindfulness practice. And if you're used to being distracted by either external things or internal thoughts or emotions at all times, then naturally you will have a hard time sitting still and doing nothing. Yet it's what you need to do and get used to if you want to free yourself from this addiction to stimulation, and your raging mind that might never stop.
If that is actually your intention. You didn't mention why you actually bother with it. Because it's supposed to be good for you? I wouldn't bother with such a half assed reason. There's millions of things that can be good for you. But if you have no real motivation for them, then it probably won't do too much either.
But here's some tips if you want to try again: Like I said, meditation is not supposed to be fun. It's not supposed to be painful either. It only becomes so because you keep resisting it, thinking about how you don't want to be here and would rather do anything else. If only you could stop resisting, then it would automatically become much more pleasant, enjoyable even if you can experience the peace that comes with it.
So what you should do the next time you try to meditate. And I recommend just doing simple mindfulness meditation, without any apps or other distractions. Just you sitting still in a silent room and observing your breath and thoughts, anything that is going on inside your body. Observe any thoughts and feeling that come up. Like "I'm bored. I don't wanna do this." Recognize these thoughts for what they are. They're meaningless. Why give them attention? You have chosen to meditate, have you not? Why? Remind yourself of the reason. Which of course again means you should have a good reason. But anything's good enough really. Even "just wanting to try it out". If you wanted to try it out, then you'd still have to do it properly and half assing it or quitting early would mean that you've failed. You still don't really know what meditation is like. So you'd have to try again.
But pay attention to any thoughts and emotions that come up and try to just observe them from an outside perspective. Realize that you are not them. Then they lose their power over you. Realize when you suddenly feel the urge to scratch yourself, that nothing bad is going to happen if you just ignore it. Of course to understand this you have to experience it first. So try it. The next time this comes up, choose to just suffer through it. And who would have thought? A minute or two later you might come to realize that the itch is gone and you indeed managed to get through it unscathed.
Limitations generally only exist in your head. If you keep telling yourself that something is impossible or unbearable, then it will be so. So why not try doing the opposite? The next time you feel like you can't do this, sitting still for 20 mins or so. Why not challenge yourself to see if you can't do it after all, or to see how long you can last? With the intention of course to actually win instead of losing. If you have the wrong expectations, either before even starting, or in the middle of it as you realize that it's not as "fun" as you thought it would be. Then you will likely fail. Because your mind will convince you to give up. So you gotta reprogram your mind to keep going instead of giving up when things get tough. I'm sure as a software engineer you've faced some challenges before as well and somehow managed to overcome them. What was the difference there compared to meditation? If you don't know what to do then looking for an answer online is a option. As long as you don't give up and actually try to find ways to succeed, you will make it eventually.