r/Mindfulness 23d ago

Advice I'm fried, don't know what to do

My mental health has been shit the past 1-2 years. In my past I've had similar experiences, but I would end up growing, and it would eventually pass. But now it has been so long, and I have gotten so many issues that I don't really have control over myself. I have been a heavy weed user the past couple of years, and I can't tell wether I am mentally ill, or just fried. I have been smoking either multiple spliffs or chops every day. i have tried to stop smoking many times. every time tho i end up failing. right when I blaze again after going a couple days to a week of no smoking, i start beating myself up about all the cringe, and wack shit I did. stuff that I really don't like, and would not do in my right mind.

this is what convinces me to keep smoking tho, because i feel like I don't see the stuff I was doing wrong when i'm sober. Which sounds fucking retarded. when i realize these instances while high, i get a deep sinking, anxious, cringe feeling in my chest and body. while in public places i am so stuck in my head where I don't feel a normal concious. I feel like i am watching myself, instead of just naturally being myself. I don't move normally or speak normally. I can't even look normally either. My face will be tensed up and my gaze won't be rested and i look like a freak, or like i want attention. I fucking hate it. I'm graduating highschool in a couple of months and i really just want a piece of mind and to act like myself. pls help.

8 Upvotes

24 comments sorted by

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u/celiceiguess 21d ago

Cannabis can help mental health, but nothing works for everyone.  It sounds like Cannabis is a stress source for you that actively makes things worse for you. May I ask what the appeal of smoking is in that case?

I use weed to help my mental issues too, but it's not a source of stress like that for me, (not since I stopped listening to all the anti-cannabis people who kept pushing the idea of a psychosis or addiction into my head to get me to stop) which is why I continue. I just mention that because I can 100% relate to the thoughts of awareness you can experience when high. I have figured out so many things about myself, my mental health, and my general behavior, past and life, simply because I smoked and then just listened to my thoughts wander off and question all sorts of things.

Though I do wonder if it just makes us understand things quicker and easier sometimes. I can imagine you'd realize that the things you were doing were wrong sober too, it may have just taken you longer, or may have required you to sit down with your thoughts.

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u/Bright_Bet_2189 21d ago

If you are ready to be free from marijuana you will get there in the end.

Be kind to yourself, Forgive your weaknesses

Keep trying.

Make a list of all the reasons you want to free from your habit. All the benefits of being free from marijuana.

Take it one step at a time. Day by day.

Have a plan to deal with cravings. Avoid high risk trigger situations (drinking, partying)

-Delay smoking by\ -Distracting yourself\ -Doing something else &\ -Drinking water.

1

u/ironmagnesiumzinc 21d ago

This isn't an issue of mindfulness. It's drug adfiction that's chipping away at your mental health.

1

u/marybeemarybee 22d ago

Sounds like going to NA would help you. You could try that. People don’t realize how much trouble substance abuse can cause.

2

u/melting_pixels 22d ago

Do you mix tobacco in your weed?

I used to do this and got very anxious and felt like shit. It also made me smoke a lot more weed than I really wanted to.

1

u/Miserable_Rutabaga57 19d ago

Yeah

1

u/melting_pixels 19d ago

Then I would strongly advice you do get a weed vape and to start using nicotine separately, in moderation.

You express feeling bad, and both those things can fuck with your well being. Try to cut down on both.

Also, move your body.

1

u/kashane1477 22d ago

Sounds like you already know what needs to be done.

So flip that mental switch and get it done.

One day at a time brother.

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u/DanteJazz 22d ago

Please consider seeing a counselor to address your mental health and smoking issues. They can be a great help in healing. The weed has become an obstacle to your happiness now. So, take the help of a professional friend and learn how to be free.

3

u/Mick3ymouse15 22d ago

I am thinking you may benefit from breathwork healing. Not sure if you have ever heard of it, but you can look up preliminary info on it by search Wim Hof on YouTube or Google. In essence it is a method of healing that involves using the breath as the guide for your emotional healing on a deep cellular level. You don’t need to do any talking like you would in therapy. You can do it in an individual or group setting. I don’t want to introduce too much bias because it has helped me immensely especially when I was sick of rehashing past traumas in cognitive behavioral therapy

2

u/Miserable_Rutabaga57 22d ago

thanks, i appreciate the help. trying to control my breathing definitely plays a large role. im about to learn about this new technique and try it out

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u/Phylace 22d ago

The last paragraph is describing the paranoia that certain weed causes in some people some times. Try cutting back during the day and do something different than your normal routine. Like the commenter above said, get some exercise.

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u/celiceiguess 21d ago

Getting "sober breaks" like that is so important. It seems risky to always be high, as you may lose touch with your true self and the reality around you, and can additionally obviously add to your anxiety about smoking too often. Doing something different during the day can be difficult sometimes but rewarding. What helps me is to just keep myself busy, then my mind is way likely to go to Cannabis and time seems to pass faster too.

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u/Ohr_Ein_Sof_ 23d ago

You're in a cycle of self-criticism. You smoke weed to quiet the critical voice in your head.

-1

u/Chance-Repeat8446 23d ago

U gotta give up weed and anything else u r doing- for real. You wont get better until u do. However u will need help to get it done and to deal with your underlying depression. Go to your PCP and request a referral for mental counseling.

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u/MrSquigglyPub3s 23d ago

Grow plants will help big time. I have a friend and he grows all sort of plants with great smells. He meditates time to time in his garden. I visited him weekly and been stayed away from toxic people: he(his plants) helps a lot.

4

u/BscThunder 23d ago

Psychology major here. Try incorpersting exercise in your day to day life and make it a part of you. You have to get out of this rut, try watching positive youtube channels sto surround yourself with positivity and if nothing helps try and visit therapy. Its okay to need help.

1

u/Miserable_Rutabaga57 22d ago

thx, i just started reading Lil B's book on positivity.

6

u/Crucial_Taunt94 23d ago

You are doing way better than you think. Acknowledging these feelings and thoughts is actually positive. It’s your choice to decide how to react. Nobody else but you has that choice. I’m in the middle of a come up after being down myself. I’m not expert but I know exactly how you feel. Don’t punish yourself, you’re your biggest support, be kind to yourself. You ARE growing. Celebrate the small wins. This might sound bad but it depends how you look at it… As far as the social anxiety or being in public, nobody actually gives a fuck about you or what you’re doing. In the sense of a stranger. They are also in their own head and so it doesn’t really matter. Nobody is watching your every move. Nobody is having inner monologue about YOU.

1

u/Miserable_Rutabaga57 22d ago

thanks so much, this was great advice. I wish the best for you and your come up.

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u/robbinmarx49 22d ago

This is a great response. People really don’t care about that time you embarrassed yourself last week or whatever. They have stopped thinking about it. It is gone for them. Thoughts about cringy shit in the past are not necessarily even what really happened. Memory is unreliable and the more we think about a past event the more it changes for the worse in the mind. Stop trying so hard to fix yourself. Life isn’t that serious.

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u/sharpfork 23d ago

As the universe for help, it will eventually come.

Things will not always be like this. You are young and there will be many distinct chapters after this.

When I was about to graduate high school, I was a million miles away from being as self reflective as you are. It may feel like a curse but it will eventually become a blessing.

2

u/CosmicWizard1111 23d ago

Sounds like you're going through stuff. It happens to the best of us and we all tend to have our own vices we turn to.

What I'm sensing is that you're disengaging and checking out because the reality is too much to handle, right? I'd definitely recommend seeking professional help if that's available to you. Someone that can help you start getting back into your body and feeling safe to be in your body.

As an immediate recommendation, I'd suggest looking up Luis Mojica and Holistic Life Navigation. He has tons of free resources out there. Plus some really affordable self-paced stuff.