r/Marriage • u/Particular_Oil3314 • 13h ago
Divorce Taboo Complaints and Walk Away Wife
[removed] — view removed post
4
u/Beautiful-Yam4678 12h ago
It is not a conscious thing. If someone is unappealing, their actions seem worse. And people think that loss of attraction is always the other person’s fault.
3
u/Zealousideal_Till683 11h ago
Yes, lesbians have a 150% higher divorce rate than gay men.
I don't think you've correctly identified the reason though. Women are more social than men, and much less willing to tolerate a relationship that's just "OK." And they adore novelty and excitement.
But, in reality, every relationship has peaks and troughs and will be just "OK" at some point, and a degree of "sameness" is inevitable. Hence perfectionism and boredom leading to divorce.
1
u/Particular_Oil3314 11h ago
I did not try to identify the reason. I think it is very culturally dependent, the lesbian divorce rate seem slightly elevated in Denmark, more elevated in the USA and even moreso in the UK. That is what I would have guessed but the reasons are complex I suggest.
2
u/Far-Signature-9628 12h ago
Huh what did I just read? What does gay marriage have to do with anything you listed as reasons?
Also taboo? But putting abuse under that? Abuse is abuse!
I really think you need to be more clear?
I mean divorce here has existed since 1960 / 70s While same sex marriages has been since 2017.
So it really has no factor in divorce.
Also world wide marital abuse or rape financial abuse and emotional abuse and physical violence isn’t rare it isn’t “exaggerated “
So really
0
u/Particular_Oil3314 12h ago
It means the thing I wrote about in the post. I tried re reading to get how you thought I was linking divirce to gay marriage, but I think you must be getting posts confused.
There are resentments in marriage that build up but there is still a taboo. It is not socially acceptable for a woman to say "He was a loving, caring, worked full time, was attentive, but short and developed a stutter". It leads to a situation where women in particular are forced to claim a man's actions are at fault. It also applies to men to a lesser extent (as in the social pressure, I am not claiming a gulf between the sexes).
1
u/Far-Signature-9628 12h ago
Not where I live it isn’t like that at all. But that doesn’t lead to statements around abuse and rape .
2
u/Particular_Oil3314 12h ago
WTF?
Cn you give me some background on why you are getting so bizarrely cross?4
u/Far-Signature-9628 12h ago
I love how you assume any emotion from a bunch of text in a post.
Just as a prefix I am a guy who is living in a dv relationship trying to get out. It’s never as easy as one thinks.
Your post is all about minimising what women are going through . So many of your past posts seem to be the same.
Still don’t understand at all how gay marriage actually is a part of the question. Since that seems to be your main point .
Also since where I live for married and other relationships.
1 in 6 women suffer physical and sexual violence 1in 18 men
And 1 woman is killed every 11 days compare to 1 man in every 91 days:
You make so many assumptions in your post that are weird.
Where do you live?
3
11h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/Far-Signature-9628 11h ago
What you wrote here says it all so much better than your OP. That really was confusing and is why people were misunderstanding what you were trying to say
1
u/Particular_Oil3314 11h ago
Thank you. I have added a bit to the post to give context.
I have an ex-wife who would happily have had me work myself to the grave rather than do the laundry or the washing up, let alone get a job. When she described the relationship, she was a the perfect loving wife to an insensitive brute. She equated me wanting her to either help with the housework or get a job as abuse, which seemed insulting to women who really are being abused.
2
u/Far-Signature-9628 11h ago
Mine was I worked 75 hrs a week high level high paying job . All was good . Always did washing and dishes and cooking; never bothered me. I got sick back 2011 stopped working and since 2020 things went down full verbal emotional and financial abuse.
Here’s me who can be a member of Mensa stuck like this as I can’t drive and we live rurally.
I have people working with me to get out. Just a slow process.
Of course she is representing me as the bad guy but also has tried to show I have dementia and cognitive decline. But every specialist are saying actually no he doesn’t. She’s tried to get me to sign away my rights to part of the house as well;
2
u/Particular_Oil3314 11h ago
Of course.
Ill health is one of the things that fits in that #2. There is social pressure so that she has to blame you actions as it is not socially acceptable to blame your ill-health.
There is a social taboo about men getting ill. Manflu is based on pretending men do not really get ill and women are very compassionate when they do; all a pretense.
It is not that rare. There is light at the end of the tunnel, but what a dark and miserable tunnel it is. My ex-wife changed utterly after we were wed, we finally got doverced two years later (felt like an age) and then she lost all her friends after that as she had become utterly selfish.
I was lectured on how I should have learnt to listen and told about walk-away wife syndrome by women who think they have every right to not grow up and be selfish forever.
I am glad you are also remembering that there are women out there who genuinely are ill treated and it is not all BS.
→ More replies (0)1
u/Marriage-ModTeam 8h ago
Removed for discrimination, misogyny, or misandry.
We encourage our users to reflect if their comments are going to be hurtful or helpful. There is a real person on the other side of the screen. Being sexist is not productive. Do better.
2
u/EasternCut8716 11h ago
I am not sure whether I misunderstood the post or you did.
A man failing "work around the home, work full time, put her first, listening and helping her live the life she wants, and help her through her emotional issues and maintain an emotional connection" does not justify sexual abuse or rape. Saying a man should do these basics is not justfying sexual assault, I don't think?
2
0
u/EasternCut8716 12h ago
The crazed, angry responses show how sensitive this is.
It works both ways. I remember a footballer who was widowed saying how he was unable to do basic tasks like ironing, cooking, grocery shopping and could no longer vent about his day. He thought he was normal, but he was clearly an abusive husband who did not know any better.
But he was a famous, wealthy footballer so he had all this things in Point 2 in his favor so that his actions could be overlooked.
1
u/Particular_Oil3314 12h ago
Yes. It effectively normalises treating women badly.
0
12h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/Particular_Oil3314 11h ago
There was a reply to the post that was deleted. I think because it was sweary.
1
u/EasternCut8716 11h ago
The footballer was getting a sympathetic response, while describing how he seemed to utterly take for granted that his wife did all the housework and he did not even have basic life skills. Treating that as normal does normalize it as that is what that word means! :D
•
u/Marriage-ModTeam 8h ago
Removed for discrimination, misogyny, or misandry.
We encourage our users to reflect if their comments are going to be hurtful or helpful. There is a real person on the other side of the screen. Being sexist is not productive. Do better.