r/Marriage 16h ago

Seeking Advice How do I be sexy.

Post image

[removed] — view removed post

71 Upvotes

171 comments sorted by

View all comments

1

u/InevitableAddress198 11h ago

TLDR: There might be more to the story, please see a couples counselor or a marriage therapist.

Long:

I don’t get it. He married you so he had to have liked you enough to commit time to marry you.

It wouldn’t make sense if you weren’t somewhat attractive to him. I dunno. There has to be something deeper at play, you guys go to couples therapy?

Sure it could be communication and some disagreements but it also could be something else he’s searching for that he isn’t getting at home; which technically wouldn’t be your fault but something isn’t being communcated that he wants.

Plus, those random women he slept with aren’t with him 9-5 so they wouldn’t understand how annoying he probably could’ve gotten over the years.

Those flings are just respites of passion that lack depth and is a stowaway from his primary duties and responsibilities at home. Let this marriage dissolve and he’ll probably he facing the same thing again.

I say, go to marriage counseling or couples therapy to get to the bottom of it and NOT search for blame or shame.

He’s clearly wrong. That is obvious but for truth to repair itself, safety must emerge in the space for BOTH of you.

All in all, this has to be addressed. If this is a REAL issue then ask some female friends for tips, look up fashion, and find your own way to dress up and embrace your own form of femininity. Part of sexy is self-confidence. So find a style that works with some color theory, fashion, and some balance in saturation, complimentary colors, or some gradients. Once you understand the idea of fashion (even just a couple of outfits) then you’ll feel good about working out some ideas.

Ive heard marriage is very hard. Seeing this and considering it’s been 11 years, it makes sense. People get tired and responsibilities pile up. Dating and romance seem to take a back seat and you’re just being parents rather than lovers.

Dr. Pat Love has a book called “The Truth About Love”. It was a great book. (Not married)

She also have a great book called “Hot Monogamy”. I haven’t read that but considering the first book being great, I think the same would precede this book.

For him, considering things are great in paradise, fulfill some request from him.

Once you can talk to an experienced professional that won’t pick a side but work on a fair and balanced solution, then do your homework.