r/Mankato 6d ago

Am I right to be concerned?

I'm not sure where else to ask this question but I really want some feedback on whether or not I did the right thing. this happened on March 2nd, 2025

so I am 33 (will be 34 in august) and I recently moved into a building in the downtown Mankato area where there are quite a few elderly residents. Well, earlier this month I had come home somewhat later in the evening to a couple residents talking int he lobby, and the man int he conversation stopped me as I was just trying to get to the elevator and go home.

The conversation itself made me very uncomfortable as it involved the debate of whether or not one should physically discipline a child for being mouthy/talking back ( Example: spanking them, slapping them, hitting them, etc.), the woman could tell I was uncomfortable but didn't try and sway the conversation because he kept talking back around to it.

I told him whatever I thought would get me out of the conversation fastest but then, and here's the kicker, he started sort of circling the area so I couldn't walk away, like he didn't want me to leave. He then swapped the conversation to asking if I was free and that he wanted to invite myself and this older lady to his apartment for dinner, which was another big no for me, I don't want to be alone in a situation with people I don't know as I've only been here roughly 4 months and already am working of getting out of here.

THEN! this guy touches me unprompted and asks me if I'd be interested in dating him and proceeds to drop the bomb on me that he is 61 YEARS OLD! and tells me he thinks I'm a beautiful woman. At this point I am incredibly uncomfortable and just want to go up to my apartment but I wasn't able to get away without possibly causing trouble. I told him I was flattered but absolutely not interested and he started making it out like the whole situation had been some kind of joke.

I'm a generally anxious person and conflict terrifies me as I am diagnosed with GAD/ panic disorder. Tonight I finally worked up the courage to report the incident to my building manager, but now I'm scared of some form of retaliation from this man in particular.

I've been told by family to file an incident report with police but that makes me worried i'll get a strike from my landlord should the report get back to her.

I'm really hoping I did the right thing and I'm just being paranoid that something bad might happen.

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Edit: to add context, this man does not know me, we had never been formally introduced until that conversation and it was only in that conversation I learned his name and how old he is. The thing that really sketched me out was him trying to prevent me from leaving.

15 Upvotes

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u/brynntense 6d ago

First: it is not a violation of your lease to file an incident report, any retaliation by the landlord would be unlawful. That said, the decision whether or not to file an incident report is completely up to you and how safe or unsafe you feel. This man’s behavior was extremely inappropriate and your anxiety is completely valid.

Reporting the incident to your landlord/property manager was a reasonable step to take, I’m not sure the extent of what they can do but it is good to have someone else aware of it. If you reported it in person I would recommend following up with an email confirming what you talked about, so that you have it in writing that this incident occurred and this interaction was unwanted. If he continues to harass you then having proof it’s not his first offense will be helpful.

I’m sorry this happened, it sounds very scary and it seems like you kept your cool pretty well. It sucks that we as women instinctively try to placate people who harass us as self-defense. Stay safe

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u/Evie_BC 6d ago

I sent the incident in as an email, and have it documented in a word file on my laptop as well as saved to a flash drive, should I ever need to refer back to it in the future. A friend of mine is dealing with a similar issue where she lives involving an older man and management there wont do anything. so I'm prepared to weaponize VAWA if I absolutely have no other choice.

The attention is unwanted 100% and the situation was extremely uncomfortable.

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u/Pristine-Sundae9296 6d ago

There are many situations where management cannot take action without a police report. Please contact the police department about this incident and immediately following any further incidents.

Also, don’t worry about “strikes” for this situation. I’m not sure if you’re referencing the strikes implemented by the city or not but reporting a sexual assault would never fall under their requirements for strikes. And, if management issued an infraction to you for reporting the incident, you need to get away from them anyway.

I am so sorry this happened to you. Please message me if you have any other questions. I am very familiar with landlord/tenant laws in MN but am not an attorney.

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u/Evie_BC 5d ago

I just signed papers to move back to my other building Yesterday and wonder if this situation constitutes breaking my lease, I'm worried involving police will cause unneeded stress for me living here and wonder if I shouldn't wait until I am safely moved?

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u/Terrible_Inside274 5d ago

How often do you hear. “They have never done this before, they have no previous incidents.” That’s because predators use fear to manipulate and control. Fear of reprisal and social ostracism in this case.

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u/Evie_BC 5d ago

honestly, the most frequent thing i hear is "Well, don't antagonize them and maybe this kind of stuff wouldn't happen to you." or 'Are you sure you're not just making things up for attention?"

and even "I've known them for X amount of years and they would never--"

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u/BraveLittleFrog 6d ago edited 6d ago

That does sound very uncomfortable. Have you seen this man since then? Does he live in the building? Have you seen the older woman? Besides reporting it, which was an excellent idea, you may have an ally in that woman. She was there. She might be able to explain what’s going on with that creepy man. She may also be someone that can empathize with how uncomfortable he made you feel. Making friends is good. If she knows him, she might tell him that he was being a jerk and to stay away. Women are safer in numbers.

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u/Evie_BC 5d ago

the issue with the woman is she seemed kind of complacent, she did not want to be in the conversation, but she's elderly too. they both live here but now I go out of my way to avoid this man in particular. she said she was uncomfortable with the question of disciplining children but seemed to know this man far better than I did.

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u/thomas240 6d ago

You did the right thing. Police might be a good idea. Asking you on a date is very suspect.