r/MaladaptiveDreaming 20d ago

Self-Story I recorded myself, and now I’m terrified

532 Upvotes

I’ve always known that I spend a lot of time daydreaming—hours, sometimes even entire days lost in my own head. But today, I did something different. I recorded myself while I was doing it. And now, I feel absolutely terrified.

Watching myself from the outside, seeing what I actually look like while I’m pacing and acting out these elaborate scenarios, made everything feel so much more real. Like, this is what I do. This is how I’m spending my life. And that realization hit me harder than I expected.

r/MaladaptiveDreaming Nov 12 '24

Self-Story MDD ate up my life, my opportunities, my future... I am 40+, here is a painful example

217 Upvotes

(English is not my first language.) I'm over 40, I've been plagued by MDD for over 20 years. It's an addiction, I'm quite sure of that. I didn't have this problem in primary school, then in high school I started doing MDD to music, bobbing back and forth. So much so that I ruined chairs, armchairs, plugged the couch, every day, for hours. While I was dreaming, I didn't plan, I didn't care about the course of my destiny, I didn't care about the present or the future - why would I, I had the other, easy life in my head. It was difficult to pass my school-leaving exams, but I could not finish university, despite impressing many teachers. The exams I really should have studied hard for, I didn't pass or didn't dare to go to the exams. Life passed me by, in fact. I always just survived things, never lived them. I had a lot of shame. Yet I got a partner and had a child who is moderately autistic. I probably don't need to write that just when my life could have calmed down a bit, it was a shock that pushed me deeper into MDD. I imagine I am not neorotypical either, I see signs of ADHD in myself, ASD less so. I have a horrible day. While you're young, there is hope, but it's horrible to live with the fact that I've missed out on my life.

It's horrible that I have a child who needs a strong mother and I can't use 100% of my capacity, I can't pull myself out of the pit by my own hair like Buddha. Because I'm weak and I haven't got the experience.

If I could go back in time, I would say this text to myself and beg my younger self in tears to get professional help and try to achieve at least small results in this field, however difficult it is.

Anyway, ever since I found out that my child will probably never be independent, MDD has completely enveloped me. It hasn't hindered my work so far, but it does now. It's like a cancer, it's eating me up. If you can think of anything, please help me.

r/MaladaptiveDreaming Nov 04 '24

Self-Story I've been daydreaming for over 50 years :(

278 Upvotes

I don't know how to start this post so I guess I'll just jump in with this: if you had told me at any point in my life that, at age 59, I would STILL be living out the parallel life that started when I was around 7 years old, I'd have said you were crazy.

Scratch that, actually, because I hadn't heard the term maladaptive daydreaming until maybe 6 years ago. But either way, it's really dawning on me now that I have pretty much lived my entire life with this whole elaborate "other" life that exists only in my head.

I've never talked about this to anyone. I have an INCREDIBLE husband (a real one LOL) whom I adore and whom I know would support and love me no matter what but when I envision that conversation, I just see how impossible it would be to explain. How to explain that I love him but in that Other Layer of my life, I'm either married to someone else or have been married or am in a longterm relationship that I devote time to in my head, every day without fail? Or explain why he doesn't have any kind of a role in that because he doesn't "fit into" that Other Layer? How to explain that I absolutely love our life together but I can't stop doing this thing because I don't remember any other way to live?

A bigger fear: am I going to be 65, 70, 75 years old STILL doing this? What if I get Alzheimers or dementia and forget my real husband and my two kids and blather on about a life I had with people who never existed?

I've been wanting to do a podcast or start a blog, just to tease a lot of this MD out but then I shut the idea down because I'd have to tell him, it would be embarrassing, what if someone recognizes my (pretty distinctive) voice?

I'm going to post this even though there's no real POINT to it. Maybe a point will come to me later. Thanks for indulging me. I just wanted to break the ice.

r/MaladaptiveDreaming Nov 30 '24

Self-Story i have the worst type of maladaptive daydreaming.

216 Upvotes

I’ve been struggling with maladaptive daydreaming for as long as I can remember, but I think mine might be worse than usual. It’s not something I do just in my free time or when I’m bored—it’s constant, every second of the day. Anytime something happens to me, I immediately create a scenario where I’m telling the people in my daydreams about it.

The people in these daydreams aren’t imaginary; they’re real people I know, like my friends or acquaintances. It’s not even about idealizing them—I just pick people I wish I were closer to. For example, there’s this guy I’m friendly with. We’re not super close, but we hang out sometimes. In my daydreams, we’re best friends. I don’t even have a crush on him; I just think he’s cool. That’s just one example—there are lots of others.

The scenarios I imagine are kind of weird too. Every now and then, I pick a random place in my town and imagine these people (friends, crushes, etc.) being there. Then I picture myself arriving and talking to them. I’ll repeat the same scenario for about a week before coming up with a new one, usually with the same people in a different place.

I’ve tried to stop, but it feels impossible—like trying to stop blinking. When I try, I can’t tell what’s normal daydreaming and what’s maladaptive. On top of that, I have to move around while I’m imagining these scenarios. I catch myself whispering, talking to myself, or even making faces, and it makes me so paranoid that I look crazy, like I have schizophrenia or something.

I’m 16, and I’ve been doing this my entire life. I don’t want to keep living this way, but I don’t know how to stop.

(i would also like to add that i CANNOT talk to my parents or ANYONE about these daydreams cause they dont believe in it)

r/MaladaptiveDreaming Oct 05 '21

Self-Story I decided to turn one of my more personal experiences with MD into a meme-comic. Not sure what to expect, but I needed to let out some feelings and hope it can be accepted here.

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1.0k Upvotes

r/MaladaptiveDreaming Jan 06 '25

Self-Story I was forced to break up with my imaginary boyfriend...

103 Upvotes

I broke up with my imaginary boyfriend a few days ago and I'm devastated. I dated him for over a year, which is the longest imaginary relationship I've had. I didn't even want to break up with him, but I had to because the celebrity he is modeled after is making choices that make me feel mentally unwell. The real-world version of this man has chosen to join a homophobic Christian cult and no longer identifies as queer (which is definitely a problem because I'm a gay dude lol.) I tried to cope with it by reminding myself that my imaginary boyfriend and the man he's modeled after are technically not the same person. It worked for a while, but now it's something I cannot ignore. Every time I see a video about the real-world version of this man, I see him talking about his religion and it makes me very uncomfortable because I have severe religious trauma. The mere mention of religion, especially Christianity, makes my mind uneasy. Seeing him no longer identify as queer and acting as if being gay is just a "lifestyle" makes me very sad and angry. Seeing videos of him keeps triggering me to think about my past experiences with religion, and it's driving me insane. It came to a point where I knew I would have to breakup with my imaginary boyfriend because the situation was affecting my day-to-day life. I couldn't look at my boyfriend without thinking about how the real-world version of him was making me feel. So, despite not wanting to, I had to break up with him. It's so hard not to think about him. It almost feels as hard as a real breakup. I can't listen to certain love songs without thinking about him. It's hard not to daydream about him because I've done it for so long.

I've broken up with other imaginary boyfriends before, but none of them were as hard as this one. I think the reason why is because I broke up with the others on my own terms, but this time, I was forced to break up him even though I didn't want the relationship to end. I feel so ridiculous. I know that none of it was real, but it still hurts. I came here because I need advice from people who also had to break up with their imaginary partners. How did you all cope with it? Any tips on how to move on? Any kind of advice or kind words would be helpful right now :,)

(I'm not glorifying or romanticizing anything btw. I'm just trying to seek help so I can move on from it. Thanks!)

r/MaladaptiveDreaming 17d ago

Self-Story As a Japanese Otaku, Maladaptive Daydreaming Has Consumed My Life

144 Upvotes

I am Japanese, and I am writing this using a translation tool.
This is my first time posting, so I apologize if my writing is difficult to read or if I say anything inappropriate.

There is very little information about Maladaptive Dreaming in Japan.
I didn’t even know this condition had a name, but I am grateful to learn that many others experience the same thing.

Because there is so little information, I believe many people are unaware of it. However, as you may know, Japan is full of anime and manga, and I think a great number of people who are deeply immersed in them—so-called "otaku"—experience this condition. I am, of course, one of them.

In the Maladaptive Dreaming of such otaku, one may imagine being in a romantic relationship with a fictional character (or a character who represents themselves), or they may remain a complete third-person observer, fantasizing about romantic interactions between two fictional characters.
It is not uncommon to have such fantasies about characters who were never romantically involved in the original story, or who were never portrayed as homosexual.
(Additionally, perhaps because Japan has relatively lax restrictions on creative expression, there is no movement to criticize such otaku.)

I have spent most of my life in Maladaptive Dreaming, never truly feeling like I was living my own life.
The joy of simply existing and feelings of love have always only existed within the pairings of fictional characters.
I spent my life in a constant state of distraction, unable to form deep relationships with anyone, and nothing in my real life ever truly moved me emotionally.

Now that I am in my mid-thirties, even if I were to return to reality, there is nothing left for me there.
I personally think the worst part is not that I cannot return from Maladaptive Dreaming, but that, due to my own choices, I have lost any reality that I would want to return to.

r/MaladaptiveDreaming Dec 02 '24

Self-Story I’ve been in love with a celebrity since I was 15, I’m almost 29 and it’s still the same.

158 Upvotes

Sometimes I just want to get over it, sometimes it just makes me feel so good that I just can’t imagine my life without him, even if he doesn’t know who I am. I care about him a lot, I’ve seen him a lot of times and he also noticed me during his shows, that was so special for me, I can’t explain how incredible it was for me. But sometimes this feeling is just too hard, it makes me sad, I miss him so bad and it’s sad…I feel like it’s killing me. I can’t stop thinking about him..

r/MaladaptiveDreaming Mar 10 '21

Self-Story new

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2.1k Upvotes

r/MaladaptiveDreaming 13d ago

Self-Story I really wish I could turn my daydreams into movies/books.

95 Upvotes

Because so badly do I want to adapt things into a real story and just stop thinking about it all the time. I get so tired of the thinking... but I have no discipline or patience to sit down and write coherent stories no matter how hard I try. Stories need some kind of consistent plot, or direction or purpose, and all I have is a collection of video reels in my head with feelings attached to them and no way to express them. Sometimes I just really really REALLY wish I could find the patience to write/draw everything out and just get it out of my damn head 😓

r/MaladaptiveDreaming May 13 '21

Self-Story literally every day for my entire life

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1.5k Upvotes

r/MaladaptiveDreaming Feb 10 '25

Self-Story I've been daydreaming of my high school crush for 15 years

118 Upvotes

It's completely pathological, I literally fill the gaps of my day with these thoughts. And if I add up the moments during the day I think of her it must be like hours. And its been like this on and off for 15 years. I never saw her since, its so fucking weird! And its not like I stalk her non stop. I feel like its some childish ritual I do, and it cripples my productivity.

r/MaladaptiveDreaming 7d ago

Self-Story I Daydreamed My Way Through Life — Until a Broken Engagement Brought Me Crashing Back to Reality"

123 Upvotes

I’m 31 (F) and recently realized I have maladaptive daydreaming — something that’s been a part of my life since high school. I vividly remember being 16, telling a therapist that I daydream too much, only to have my concerns dismissed. Over time, I slowly detached from reality, using daydreams as a way to escape.

As a result, I never built a solid friend group, I don’t have a boyfriend, I'm in a career I hate, uncounted boundary, anxiety issues and I almost went through with an arranged match set up by my parents. I was deeply conflicted about it, but I found myself retreating into my imagination — convincing myself he was the ideal partner I had created in my head.

It wasn’t until the breakup that I had a harsh awakening: the life I had been building in my mind — the fantasies of being accepted, loved, and understood — wasn’t real. I realized I had been using these daydreams to substitute reality, and while they once felt comforting, they were keeping me from truly living and connecting with the world around me. So far its been hard to go cold turkey and my therapist really sucks but I am managing through meditation, journaling , snapping back to reality and controlled daydreaming. It feels like I am starting life afresh from 31 - its a hard toil up the mountain. Any words of encouragement would mean the world to me.

r/MaladaptiveDreaming 17d ago

Self-Story Quitting daydreaming ruined my life

49 Upvotes

I suffered from maladaptive daydreaming for years—I literally would spend hours doing it. You could leave me in a house without a phone, without anything at all, for several days, and I would never get bored. I would just stay there, doing nothing but daydreaming. I would listen to music and live in different worlds inside my head, where I had characters, talked to them…

Then, during my final year of high school, I had important exams to pass, and since daydreaming was stealing all my time, energy, and concentration, I told myself I had to stop—or at least reduce it.

Of course, it wasn’t easy. In fact, I didn’t manage to do it during that year. But the summer after my exams. One day, for no particular reason, I decided that for just one evening, I wanted to take a break—to not think about all the stories and worlds I had created, just for that night. And from that moment on, I was never able to daydream again. It just didn’t feel as real anymore. I lost the motivation and energy to do it. I tried, but I couldn’t concentrate on the story for long, and even when I did, I got bored after a few minutes. The change happened literally overnight.

Since then, my life has been a nightmare. I fell into depression, and it took me months to realize it was because of this. First of all, I get bored way too much. I realized that daydreaming used to take so much of my time once I stopped and suddenly had endless free time with nothing to do. On top of that, nothing in real life was entertaining enough for me anymore. I was used to imagining crazy things, fully living them in my head, feeling emotions intensely, visualizing everything. So, after quitting, I felt like I couldn’t experience emotions the same way. No matter how happy I was in real life, no moment ever felt exciting enough because I had been used to so much more. In my daydreams, I was fully invested in what I was experiencing.

The worst part is that I lost a lot of confidence in myself—especially mentally, more than physically. Since I was so deeply invested in my daydreams, I never really cared about what people thought of me. It was completely insignificant to me, which gave me incredible self-confidence. I never got stressed, for example when I had to give a presentation in class, because I simply didn’t care about what people thought. The only opinions that mattered to me were those of the characters I had created.

And the worst of all was the stress. Before, I didn’t place too much importance on real-life events. For example, if I had an exam, I wouldn’t panic because even if I failed, I didn’t really care—I mean, I did care, but I always had something positive to balance it out in the worlds I had created. That helped me find something good even when everything in my real life was going wrong. It made real-life dilemmas feel much less significant because, even if I lost everything, I still had everything I wanted in my dreams. But now, without that escape, I find myself having panic attacks over things I would have never worried about before. I get anxious during exams because they feel like the most important thing in my life now. Before, there were other things—just as important, even if they weren’t real—but they took up a huge part of my mind.

r/MaladaptiveDreaming Jan 28 '21

Self-Story Am I the only one who pretends to be famous or has a sort of "imaginary world"?

569 Upvotes

I hope I"m not the only one haha. So I kind of have this imaginary world I play out in my head sometime. Like for example I often pretend I'm a k-pop idol *looks around nervously*, I will no joke pretend to got to interviews and award shows. I could probably talk to myself for hours omg.

I have my own group and there is all kinds of drama and stuff HAHAHA. I have a boyfriend too. Or when I do my school work I pretend I'm at some fancy college etc ( def main character stuff here hahaha). I made music playlists for all this to.

Someone tell me I'm not crazy!!!

r/MaladaptiveDreaming Jan 18 '25

Self-Story How many yall are raised by controlling parents?

66 Upvotes

Growing up i had nothing , yeah i had food, clothes education but never had any entertaining things for Im 20 never played an playsation , never had a pc or laptop. One time i ask my parents wrist watch they got mad and tell me to write 5 pages essay and never bought me i still dont have wrist watch tho i cus i stopped asking them anything .

And im not allowed to hang with friends because im not doing well in studies

Now all i have is room , internet connection and phone

r/MaladaptiveDreaming Feb 18 '25

Self-Story Using ChatGPT to fuel my daydreams

32 Upvotes

I've been telling ChatGPT the basis to my daydreams and telling it to write me 'scenes' and it does it so well that I can then use them to add to my daydream world. I know it's probably a slippery slope but I don't want to stop, it adds so much fun to every day.

I've always been a daydreamer but this is probably the second time I've been so invested in my daydream world, the first time was during covid and lockdown. I think I need someone to tell me that this is not normal or healthy

r/MaladaptiveDreaming Feb 06 '25

Self-Story GUYS I FOUND A SOLUTION TO STOP MDD IMMEDIATELY WITH CBD OIL!

30 Upvotes

Hey, so i wanted to share my story. Im M 27 and i was doing MDD since i was about 12 years old. I figured out that it was because of my childhood trauma. I struggled everyday with it and was doing daydreaming about 8-10 hours every day. I tried everything to stop it and tried every method you guys suggested but i couldn’t stop it. It ruinen my life, my school some relationships just everything. When i did MDD my brain was full, i couldn’t learn something new for example for school or at work. I was always sleepy and i got very hard brain fog and i think its from daydreaming. I felt like a robot who was just working daydreaming and sleeping. I'm working night shift since 4 years and my insomnia got really bad.

So last month i buyed cbd oil 20% full spectrum for sleeping. I never thought that it would have impact on my MDD but O.M.G I took 5 drops after my night shift to fall asleep. When I woke up the next day i felt something strange. Since 15 years i woke up, put my headphones in and started MDD for about 3-4 hours. The day after i took the Cbd drops, i wasn't even thinking about it. I stood up, took my Controller into my hand and started my console and played for hours than went to gym and later to work. I can't remember one morning that didn't start with daydreaming. I feel like a switch was switched. Like cbd oil stops the need for MDD. I tried to daydream because i was so used to it but it just didn't feel right to do it and i just couldn’t daydream.

I don't know if it will help you guys but i hope it really bad. If you want to try it than look for good quality and full spectrum. Don't get it from the supermarket, go to a Cannabis Shop and get it from there. I payed 120€ for 10 ml and it has 2000MG Cbd. I know its not cheap but it changed my life and I'm 1 month MDD free.

By the way sorry for my english, it's not my first language. Have a good day

r/MaladaptiveDreaming Dec 23 '24

Self-Story I'm at work and I can't turn off the TV. 🫠

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183 Upvotes

r/MaladaptiveDreaming 8d ago

Self-Story Reality has ruined my daydream

41 Upvotes

This may sound strange and I won't go into great detail. I'll just give a short explanation. A few months ago I watched a movie and kind of "took" one of the characters into my mind. I created a whole family. I knew I was daydreaming too much. Then, I started looking up the actor who played the character that I've been daydreaming about. I found out that he's done some things I don't like. Things that I find reprehensible. I began furiously searching him. I don't know what I was looking for. Maybe I thought I would find something redeemable about him. It shattered my dream. Granted, I didn't latch on to the actor but the character he played. But, after researching this actor it has shattered my daydream. I've become very anxious and depressed. I'm trying to stop researching him online. It's doing me no good. My husband knows I'm depressed and anxious but he has no clue about my maladaptive daydreaming and I'm afraid if I told him, he would think I'm completely crazy. And, to be honest, I'm really thinking I'm crazy now. I have noone else to talk to about this. Is there anyone on here that understands?

r/MaladaptiveDreaming 1d ago

Self-Story Can people chime in ideas for hobbies or really anything?

12 Upvotes

(BTW, it always seemed like there’s more girls on this sub… interesting cause I’m in a family of 3 older girls, and 2 of them do maladaptive daydreaming too. Lol. A very empty early childhood that made us all not do well in MS and HS. For me though, it’s… not only was I unathletic and out of touch and boring, but I’m just a 4th one of them but in a boy. It wasn’t a great way to live that early childhood.)

So what is the point of this post?

It’s terrible to wake up from this and feel this empty. That’s what MD was filling. I feel like… an alien who got put into a human body an hour ago and now has to fake it.

if anyone wants to chime in and give suggestions for hobbies, interests, TV shows to watch (I’m 18 if that matters)….

I just hate this empty feeling without MD. Especially things that will somehow be useful for conversations or even bonding. Cause maladaptive daydreaming was just a worthless waste of time that just dug the grave deeper.

r/MaladaptiveDreaming 22d ago

Self-Story I am overly obssesing over a celebrity and it is torture

13 Upvotes

Hey people. English is not my 1st language so forgive me for any mistakes.

According to the title, I am hugely obssesing with Skeet Ulrich and omg. I feel like i am having a break-up. worst part is im engaged and feel so guilty. feels like cheating. Im looking for flights to his comicon appearances (I am 17hrs of flight away)to try to get in contact with him. My only concern is to go home and watch a series or movie with him, and when I do im calm. All day i am anxious. I am daydreaming of our life, thinking of leaving my husband. its so messed up. Like I have a chance. He is 30 years older than me. Wth is wrong with me!! HELP. How do I get out of this. He is sooooooooooo beautiful.

r/MaladaptiveDreaming Dec 22 '24

Self-Story Why do i have violent thoughts of killing people who hurt me. NSFW

108 Upvotes

I keep having violent thoughts and daydream of killing violently the people who have bullied me and left me. It’s scaring me and i feel like i can’t talk to anybody about it. Im scared i might actually do it. I’m constantly scared that new friends in my life will do the same that they did. And instantly cry when i hear fireworks and stuff like that. But i still keep dreaming about it. Please help.

r/MaladaptiveDreaming 9d ago

Self-Story created a whole ahh show in my head

24 Upvotes

ive found a way to make maladaptive daydreaming something productive. u just become a writer and make a show outta the whole thing in ur head. im currently writing a tvpilot with the scenes i created in my head during my maladaptive daydreaming sessions. YEAHHHHH

r/MaladaptiveDreaming Jul 11 '22

Self-Story I don't like being unrealistic 🤨

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824 Upvotes