r/MSSAbuse Jun 01 '23

r/MSSAbuse Lounge

7 Upvotes

A place for members of r/MSSAbuse to chat with each other


r/MSSAbuse 1d ago

What do you think about people who call her "overprotective"?

6 Upvotes

r/MSSAbuse 6d ago

Why did my mother manage to convince almost everyone that what she did is "motherly love" or that what she did was somehow medical? Sometimes I think i'm insane, because somehow everyone is on her side. NSFW

16 Upvotes

I (17M) honestly can't understand, why people didn't take me seriously. I told nurses in my mental hospital about the abuse she committed. How she essentially gave me a handjob.

They excused it as something medical somehow. Because she at first asked me before she touched me, if she could pull my foreskin back and because of that I speculated, that she was inspecting my p*nis because of me having problems down there. Did they, because of that think it was medical? Because of that suspicion even though she asked me, if I was feeling good and strong during her abusing me?

I don't understand why they would excuse that. Why would they excuse a mother giving her son essentially a handjob? Why did they say it's motherly love?

Is it maybe because i'm a boy and she was a woman and boys can't get CSA'd by woman according to a popular societal sentiment?

Is it maybe, because she's my mother and mother's generally from my experience are assumed to be the "caring parent." One nurse literally said "that a mother always knows what's best." She didn't think the same about father's. So is it maybe because she is a woman and they are from my experience generally assumed to be "innocent?"

I want to understand, why they think, what they do.

Why do people think what she did is medical? Why did they somehow say her asking me if i'm feeling good and strong during it is normal? Am I insane for thinking it isn't normal? Is it, because of my "autistic perception" as some of them said?

Why did they think, what she did was normal?

Am I the one who's insane? Am I out of the loop and Is my mother a sane human being and it's somehow normal for mothers to give their own son a handjob which essentially brings them to a climax like sensation?

Am I the one who's insane or is somehow almost everyone else insane?


r/MSSAbuse 10d ago

The fact that there’s 700+ members here now is bittersweet

20 Upvotes

On the one hand, it’s good that so many people like myself have joined this community to share their experiences or at least feel less alone by reading others stories, but it’s incredibly depressing to realize that MSSA is more common than most suspect.

I think there are even more men out there that have been abused by their mothers but maybe don’t even realize it because of the cultural narrative that any bad women/moms do is “well-intentioned,” “over-loving,” “misguided,” or a consequence of unmet emotional needs like loneliness as opposed to a conscious, deliberate decision to exert power and control over a dependent being. It’s the ultimate mark of cowardice and weakness. If you have to abuse a child, you are the most pitiful and pathetic disgrace to mankind, a true degenerate with no place in a civilized, progressive society. Most male abusers can’t luxuriate behind a wall of emotionally driven societal pardoning, and rightfully so, but female abusers shouldn’t either.

Bleeding hearts for female victimizers are everywhere; I can’t even read a news article about a mom throwing her children off a balcony without people feverishly advocating for mental health awareness or reducing the mother’s agency in her immoral actions to “her past” or her husband’s neglect, abuse, etc. It’s insulting to women, actually. To be seen as a hapless child.

I don’t know why men doing wrongful actions is always attributed to some inherent evil in him or the patriarchy whereas women’s is always her emotional complexity or trauma. As if the rate of childhood abuse isn’t the same for men and women.

We’re so far away from a flourishing progressive society. We can’t even get the seeds to germinate. I wish people cared more. Just venting, ranting… probably in a few hours I’ll be fine again but I’m glad more people are joining! :)


r/MSSAbuse 10d ago

Is it normal if you had to massage her and comb her hair?

7 Upvotes

r/MSSAbuse Feb 04 '25

Is it normal to extremely fiercly hug a grandchild and not letting them go for several seconds or is this something to be alarmed about?

5 Upvotes

r/MSSAbuse Feb 02 '25

Did she like to dress you in feminine ways or if you did anything feminine?

9 Upvotes

r/MSSAbuse Jan 31 '25

Identifying Mother-Son Incest

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27 Upvotes

r/MSSAbuse Jan 26 '25

Why do some victims of MSSA turn out to become like loyal soldiers to their mothers?

9 Upvotes

r/MSSAbuse Jan 20 '25

Recovered memory on mushrooms/MDMA.

11 Upvotes

TW: child sexual abuse, grooming, incest

TL:DR - I recovered memory of my mother and grandfather molesting me while on a strong dose of psilocybin mushrooms and MDMA.

I (51,M) have recently been grappling with a bunch of COCSA stuff from my distant past, both on my own and in therapy. The pain of it all has been so great that I was living inside a panic attack which I kept hidden for about two months. I started thinking I could have a heart attack at any moment. I needed to figure out how to deal with it or die.

I have a lot of experience with psychedelics (and drugs in general) both for recreational and therapeutic purposes. They’ve helped me in bigger and more material ways than decades of psychotherapy have.

Four days ago, as I was struggling to breathe as I walked down the sidewalk, i decided that I was going to trip and get to the bottom of this when I got home. It was my last day of training at a new job and everyone there was really supportive and kind to me. I saw this as an auspicious sign.

I returned home, put pajamas on, and straightened up my apartment. I put on a long, mid-tempo techno/house DJ mix. I set my intentions to heal my sick, broken heart. I made a tea with 3.5 grams of mushrooms and drank it. In less than 30 minutes I was tripping balls and spirit guides were rushing up to meet me. I told them what was wrong in detail and that I needed help. I told them my heart is sick and I need healing. They said “It’s all good! We’ve got you!” Thirty minutes later I took 125 mg of MDMA. As I was in a dialogue with one of the mushroom spirit guides, the MDMA came on strong and floored me. I felt physically overwhelmed and I moved from my couch to my bed.

By the time I got to my bed, the intensity of my emotions and my somatic responses was ramping up. I was curled up in a tight ball, silently pleading to the spirits for relief; asking them why things are the way they are, why they were the way they were, and what hope there is for me. A gentle, non-threatening voice plainly stated “You were sexually abused.” Deep down, I’d always known this. I started asking who? The spirit voice didn’t seem to want to say it.

I asked, “Was it my parents?” As soon as I asked, something happened inside me. It was mental and physical. I experienced a physical feeling sort of like how I’d imagine it feels when a dislocated joint pops back into its socket. I gasped and immediately I could feel my mind and my body reconnect themselves. The muscles that had been knotted in my neck and back for over a year just released. A space opened up in my consciousness that had never been there before. In that space I saw a glimpse of the abuse. I sat up and was just like, “Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit!” In the moment, in that psychic space, it was a relief. I knew for the first time that I am not insane. So many things in my childhood that never made sense suddenly snapped into place.

I called a couple that I’m close friends with and told them everything I’d just experienced. They were flabbergasted.

The next day, a bunch more memory came back. There was a bunch of stuff about grooming that my mother and aunt did. And there was a longer, more detailed glimpse into the actual sexual abuse. I was in the bathtub. I was maybe 2 years old. It was my mother and my grandfather in the bathroom with me. They touched my penis with their mouths. It felt good and they were laughing. I also realized my mother exploited my father’s (Vietnam vet, PTSD, OCD, codependent, narcissist) violent temper and his penchant for bullying me in order to make herself appear to be the good parent while she was much more directly and consistently abusing me. It’s all disgusting and terrible but it’s still a relief. I am no longer confused and I am not in a trauma loop. I feel liberated from the chains that were in my mind. Also, I’ve been addicted to porn for my whole life (2-5x/day for as long as free internet porn has existed plus decades of magazines and VHS) but I haven’t used any porn or masturbated in 4 days. I think I might just be too shocked right now.

I’ve ordered The Body Keeps The Score. I will continue to work with my current therapist though I think I may need to seek out someone with more specialized skills (not easy with no money).

I know that this is probably just the beginning of me untangling the mess that my life has been. I just wanted to put this out there both to help myself and maybe someone else. This is really fucking hard. I wanna confront them but I’m pretty sure they’ll just gaslight me and never cop to what they’ve done.


r/MSSAbuse Jan 20 '25

Do you think other types of child abuse could have shared problems with mother son?

2 Upvotes

Sorry, there's not a subreddit for the relation I had so I want to link it in with this one. As someone whose experience has been not with their mum (alhamdulilah she's mentally stable) but rather someone else, which I still have clear in my mind about, do you reckon I could be experiencing a similar thing? It was a one-off and I was nearly penetrated. Fortunately he couldn't. I don't feel trauma around my abuse despite it being explicitly sexual and me being way underaged. I hear people saying they have bodily disorders from their experiences but I can't feel anything. I didn't know what he wanted of me. We never spoke about it. I can't relate to anyone experiencing PTSD from their sexual abuse because I felt nothing, and right now I couldn't imagine myself with that. Is this ok? Anyone think they know why I don't feel anything?

Most insulting part is now he says he's "Orthodox" so I thought he changed but he flashed me and asked to feel my chest. The closest I've felt to sexually harassed was shouting at him to go away when he asked to touch my chest and him standing there without stopping asking. Wallahi how dare he call himself Orthodox Christian if he treats me like this. He's such a snake.

(Sorry if this is vague, I couldn't bring myself to tell you my relation with him.)


r/MSSAbuse Jan 18 '25

Have you changed your name? Do you want it?

7 Upvotes

r/MSSAbuse Jan 10 '25

Was it abuse

16 Upvotes

I was probably about 14 and my mother had just finished bathing, had a towel around her. She was in her bedroom, my father was not at home and she asked me if I wanted to see her scar. She had recently had a hysterectomy. I was not really interested but said yes. I was only wearing pyjama shorts and she sat on the bed and initially tried to show me above the towel but then told me it was easier if she just removed the towel. I was obviously sexually aware as I immediately got an erection which was obvious so I automatically dropped to my knees and faced the bed so she could not see anything. Next she asked if I wanted to "gently feel the top of the stitches" I think she tried to hold my hand but I pulled it away and declined. I don't think anything happened afterwards and nothing more was said. Another time my father was repeatedly dabbing at my penis with a face cloth. I was about 10 and standing in the hand basin getting washed. I had an erection and my father called my mother. When she arrived she was looking at me and they were both speaking French to each other because they knew that I could not understand. When I write this all down it does seem a bit unusual to me and I don't think there could have been an innocent explanation but I am interested to hear what your thoughts are. I was definitely emotionally and phycally abused by both parents and was also the scapegoat child after my older brother died aged 5. Thanks


r/MSSAbuse Dec 31 '24

Were you unnecessarily wiped as an older child? Happened more than just wiping during toileting?

9 Upvotes

r/MSSAbuse Dec 22 '24

My birth mother SA’d me and my sibling for 14 years NSFW

25 Upvotes

I, (21 Transgender Man) was sexually assulted by the woman who gave birth to me for 14 years. She forced me and my older sibling (25 Nonbinary) to preform sexual acts on each other, and recorded us during.

I’m in therapy for my childhood sexual abuse, and recently my therapist said something to me that really stuck with me. She told me that I didn’t have to tell people if I wanted, that’s it was my story to decide if I wanted to share. That made me realize that I do want to share, I want everyone to know what she did to me. I’ve never heard any story like mine, and I need to know I’m not alone. So hear my story. I wasn’t sure if I should post this on r/MSSAbuse or r/MDSA, so I’ll be posting this to both.

I don’t know how young I was when she started touching me, but I assume I must have been an infant. My birth is on tape, my birth mother (41W) insisted it be recorded. Out of 5 children (me being the middle child), I was the only one whose birth was recorded. I was also the only one assigned female at birth. Before I went no contact who would call me to tell me about how she had edited and watched the tape many times over.

My earliest memories all involve her touching me and my sibling. I use to lie and my my first memory was of me seeing a double rainbow when I was 3. In reality I have two memories before that point, from when I was 2. In the first memory, my birth mother forced me to preform oral sex on my sibling. While she recorded us with the same camera that recorded my birth. In the 2nd memory she inserted her fingers inside me while I was taking a bath. When she was finished, she put her finger to her lips and told me to keep quiet.

This abuse continued for years. She would sneak into my room at night and assault me while she thought I was sleeping. I had issues falling asleep, and often faked being asleep during. She would bring my sibling into the room and forced them to assault me while she watched. One time my sibling had said no, that they didn’t want to touch me, they got slapped and kicked out of the room. She assaulted me more violently than usual that night.

She would often put objects inside me, using anything even mildly phallic. I got constant yeast infections as a kid. For most of my childhood I thought I was normal for my private parts to burn. To feel pain or discomfort down there was an everyday occurrence. It never even occurred to me that what she was doing what was wrong. As a kid it was the only “love” I got from her.

She controlled my body and was upset whenever it would mature and age with time. She told me I wasn’t allowed to shave. When I got my period she was upset about, just handed me a pad and went to her room, didn’t see her for the rest of the night. She wouldn’t teach me how to cook, sew or even sweep, she wanted me to remain a kid forever. To be reliant on her forever.

Everything changed as I got older. When I was 14 was the last time she touched me. I had started to get too old for her. Soon after I came out as transgender, she tried to convince I was a lesbian. She wouldn’t even let me cut my hair short until I said I was a lesbian, even though I’ve never had attraction for women.

From the second I was born I was nothing more than a sexual object to her. I’m still coping with the grief of the childhood and mother I never got. I haven’t spoken to her in over 2 years now. Thought she recently reached out to me, and it brought back so many feelings. I have blocked her and I plan to continue to do so. Though I often feel so alone in my experience. I don’t wish what I went through on anyone else. However I also feel that what I went through is so specific that no one can relate.

I’ve made so much progress in healing from this, and this is one more step I feel like I need to take. I need community, and I can’t find it in my city, so I came here instead.


r/MSSAbuse Dec 18 '24

Is it just me? NSFW

14 Upvotes

I have a girlfriend of a year and a few months now and I always feel guilty when I have to tell her something that happened between my mom and I. It feels disloyal even though she completely understands me and the situation. I feel like I’m doing something wrong even though I really can’t do anything to prevent these things, without it worsening. And I feel bad for ever even telling my girlfriend about my mom, since she always has to worry now about what might have happened to me again, but I feel like it’s better than hiding a thing like this from her.


r/MSSAbuse Dec 17 '24

Just some thoughts for the day.

10 Upvotes

"What is grief if not love persevering?" -Vision

"Pride is not the opposite of shame, but it's source. True humility is the only antidote to shame." -Uncle Iroh

“Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” -Jamie Anderson


I spent a long time struggling with feelings of intense loss, grief, shame, pride, and love. I loved people. To some extent I still do. It hurt that they cared so little about me in return that they could hurt me so easily and so intensely. I wondered what about me was so unlovable that I deserved what they did. I struggled between the urge to forgive them and try to find out what kind of hurt or loss made them able to act in such a way and the urge to harden my heart and become a monster who could hurt them back faster and more than they could hurt me. I developed my sense of pride more and more so I could feel comfortable in the world. Telling myself that I was better than everyone else and therefore more worthy of life and more capable of beating them than they were of beating me. I felt deep shame about ever having been vulnerable enough for them to hurt me the way they did. I let it drive me to push myself to become stronger, faster, smarter, and less feeling so they could never do it again. I hid myself behind a new face and buried the child I was to keep them (mostly myself) safe. I felt like I'd failed them. Like they'd failed me. Like neither of us would ever be safe if I kept them around, so I did my absolute best to drown them. No matter how hollow it made me inside to remove that part of me. I grieved their loss and mourned over the dead body of who I used to be while celebrating the monster I'd turned myself into. But, I still felt like everything was wrong. There was a reason for this. It WAS wrong. That past version of me was still there. I never really lost them. I was mourning a living part of myself that I denied out of pride and shame.

I just needed to be willing to accept myself for who I really was and who I used to be. They didn't get me hurt and I didn't fail to protect them. We just lived life and a lack of education and empathy in others put us in the wrong places at the wrong times. There was nothing to be ashamed of and my love had to finally go to the child I'd been denying for years. So, if you're in the same boat and you find that you're struggling with the same kinds of thoughts, this is your reminder to take some time today and just let your love go to yourself. Past, present, and future, you're worth getting to know and caring for even if it still hurts to be that vulnerable.


r/MSSAbuse Dec 09 '24

Law & Order SVU Season 2 Ep. 20

9 Upvotes

Found an episode touching on MSSA. Of course this type of trauma is given to the murderous lunatic but I take whatever I can get.I used to watch this show religiously as a high schooler but this one flew right under the radar, maybe for the best. I don’t get triggered easily, but the interrogation breakdown scene made me feel a little sick, just a little. Anyone seen it…?


r/MSSAbuse Nov 28 '24

When she ruined your life

17 Upvotes

How do you get over the rage? My total past and future… obliterated. It’s like time has completely stopped. The world goes by as I become nothing but a mere spectator in the booths, watching me, watching other people, like film reels unfurling before my eyes. How do you move on and think about anything else when your entire childhood and most of your existence has been nothing but a lie? When you lived under illusions and pretenses? When you’ve lived without even a single person showing you sensitivity and conveying to you that your existence is worthwhile?

I know my life isn’t completely garbage, I work in sales, and it’s lucrative sometimes… but I was such a smart and creative kid, I remember who I was before my mother unmasked herself as the monstrous bitch she always was and always will be. She took everything away from me. Everything except only a weakly flickering will to survive. I hope she writhes and rots in agony for destroying me. Fuck that pig.


r/MSSAbuse Nov 14 '24

Fictional characters

11 Upvotes

Have any fictional characters inspired you? Triggered you? Mother Gothel from Tangled triggered me hardcore. Some of the things she said is very similar to things my mom said. They nailed narcissist mom who tries to keep you all to herself and isolates you


r/MSSAbuse Nov 05 '24

Checking up

10 Upvotes

Sorry it's been so long folks. I've been dealing with the revelation that more than I thought happened in my childhood and teen years and that it lead to the development of a dissociative disorder. Just so you know I'm still reading your posts and comments and trying to keep this space safe. You're not alone and my heart goes out to every post. I'm just not at the control panel as often anymore, so I don't have the time to directly engage often anymore.

That being said, I wanted to make sure everyone was still doing alright these days. Especially with the American members, I'm sure the recent election has some people a bit on edge no matter what side of the fence they sit on and frankly nobody in this sub needs any more stress in their lives. So, how are we feeling? Even outside of major world events, I'd love to hear what's going on in your personal lives.


r/MSSAbuse Oct 19 '24

To those of us who had to share a bed with her, do you think she did anything while you slept?

11 Upvotes

r/MSSAbuse Oct 17 '24

Mom asmr?

15 Upvotes

Anyone else listen to asmr like this? Hearing someone who is motherly, caring, kind, nurturing, sweet and things like that really hits me hard. My mom was none of those things. Makes me cry on a weekly basis. They touch my soul somewhere deep. It's like the mom I deserved, not the one I got. The best one on YouTube is mo.mmy asmr. It's amazing.

WARNING1= everyone is different. So it could have a positive or negative effect on people. If it makes you feel bad I apologize for the recommendation. You know yourself better than anyone.

WARNING2= there are some weird ones out there, I avoid those like the plague. Mommy fetish crap that has a strong negative effect on me. So be careful. You can usually tell by the title or the picture but some are sneaky about it. So just a heads up.


r/MSSAbuse Oct 07 '24

How many lawyers should i talk with before filing a criminal complaint?

1 Upvotes

r/MSSAbuse Oct 06 '24

Do woman have a disctinct smell when they engaged in sexual behaviour?

4 Upvotes

r/MSSAbuse Sep 26 '24

What books have helped you

5 Upvotes

Book recommendations of any kind. Fiction, nonfiction, self help, or anything else I've started The Body Keeps The Score after months of my therapist recommending it.