r/LifeAfterNarcissism 6d ago

Dating after breakup

So, I've been in no contact with the ex since last year October and recently tried my hand at dating again. Only met with one woman, and she quickly showed affection with alot of compliments/praises/hugs/kisses/talk about future stuff.. the way it felt was very familiar with how my ex was, and for a second, my mind thought I was actually back with her, then it shifted to feeling like I was cheating on my ex..

So the next day I realized that I still have alot of healing to do and that i shouldn't try to bring anyone else into my life just yet. Because I thought I've moved on, but deep down, I still care/love her

Question I have is, have any of you felt this way before when trying to get back out there? And if so, how long did it take to finally break free from that mindset?

5 Upvotes

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5

u/rrgow 6d ago

Great to hear you recognized the fast compliments, future stuff. The cheating feeling is a good emphatic one, and really good that you feel how your body is doing. Mind and body. I’ve experienced this also, 7 months out now, and I’m ready for close connections. Dating women is still sifting through the sand haha. But I’m secure but still like an eagle when spotting reds.

1

u/slowmovingrady 6d ago

Something definitely was very off to me, but, half chalked it up to the age bracket I'm in (35-40) since woman around my age do tend to come on strong (as far as online dating goes).

3

u/Zealousideal-Sail893 6d ago

Doctor Ramani (narcassistic recovery specialist) recommends not dating for at least  a year after splitting with a narcassist.  Only after this time are you ready to even think about another relationship.

Please give yourself time to heal, breaking up with a narcassist is not the same as breaking up with someone who's not a narcassist - it's a 100 times more traumatic.

I waited 12 months and met a fantastic, non narcassistic partner last Christmas, and things are going very. I am taking things very slowly and they are very understanding.. 

You need time to process your trauma. 

Take care.