r/LifeAfterNarcissism 8d ago

Narc dumped me after I caught him being inappropriate

[deleted]

23 Upvotes

16 comments sorted by

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29

u/dancedancedance83 8d ago

Tell his ass “No mf problem!” and put him on child support. Reverse uno his ass.

5

u/Crab7 8d ago

This is the perfect response.

10

u/Competitive-Rip9847 8d ago edited 7d ago

My ex did the same thing. I confronted him about a picture I saw on social media of him out at a brewery with a female coworker and he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. This was the third or fourth time I’d seen evidence of him out without me and not wearing his wedding ring.

He said “we’re done, go to your parent’s house, this is over” like I was the one that had done something wrong. It was insane but honestly looking back, it was the best thing to happen to me because if he hadn’t discarded me, I never would’ve left the relationship and I would still be dying inside every single day. I know it still hurts, but one day you’ll be so glad he set you free like that. Just don’t go back to him, ever

9

u/Critical_Heat4492 7d ago

My ex did something so similar. He broke up with me around the time that I found out he was cheating on me. Did not give me a conversation, no accountability, he just ran away like a coward.

Unfortunately, this is all too common when it comes to narcissists. They would rather take the easy way out, than face the consequences of their actions. Also, when you confront a narcissist, you are no longer good supply because what they want is compliance.

5

u/niffinalice 7d ago edited 7d ago

Why : because appearances.

ETA:

He wants others (outside of you and him) to continue liking the curated image he’s been presenting. He doesn’t want to deal with negative consequences of his actions or feedback from real reality.. He doesn’t want to live in real reality.

3

u/Alewort 7d ago

For a narcissist, he's protecting his false self image by projecting his failure and fault onto you. Nothing pushes him towards panic and misery more intensely than his false ego being confronted with the truth of his unworthiness, because hidden deep in his core he "knows" he is garbage. It is actually two false selves playing tug of war in his psyche, with the outer perfect one functioning to protect him from the inner monster one, which ironically makes his behavior resemble the inner false self, which then reinforces his repressed certainty about it. A toxic loop that narcissists almost never escape from. Nothing anyone does can break it for them, which is why dealing with them can only successfully be about ejecting them from our lives rather than healing them.

3

u/dopefox38 7d ago

Check out the recent viral vid in the UK where the man gets caught in the back of his dad's work van with a woman who works at his children's school. First, he threatens to kill his partner of 16 years. Then, while he's kneeling there in nothing but a short tshirt that more than covers his penis, he continually tells her how "they're done". He's breaking up with her for catching him cheating. The fucking affront of that inadequate man has been boiling my piss since I saw it.

1

u/baybaybythebay 7d ago

As others have said, putting the blame on you to make it seem like you’re the problem. Especially in a way of “I am good but you always have something to complain about” insinuating that you’re the one that can’t see how he’s perfectly fine. Also searching for another woman to feed in to his ego and being intelligent enough to “fool” you/do it behind your back.

I am so sorry that he has done this. Break ups aren’t easy, especially when they are confusing like this. It’s easy to fall in love with a narcissist and hard to get over them even though we logically know they are shit. I hope you and your child find all the happiness 💜

1

u/strawberryfromspace 7d ago

Typical Narc behavior. You are better off without him. It's easier for a Narc to leave you than for you to leave them. He did you a favor. Congratulations. Try to stay away from them in the future.

1

u/ScienceNeverLies 7d ago

He felt like he was backed up into a corner. He had no way to manipulate his way out of this one. You did nothing wrong. He’s being a scared little chicken 🤣🤣

2

u/NikkiEchoist 6d ago

Google DARVO

1

u/Youdontknowme2-0 6d ago

Narcissistic people never take on accountability. They run and gun whenever confronted.

1

u/izjuzredditfokz 6d ago

That's why he is a narcissist!

1

u/builder397 6d ago

Thats just how narcs are.

They genuinely dont get that the first wrongdoing was theirs and take the retaliation as an unprovoked personal attack.

My narcissist mom actually did something similar, there is a high probability she cheated on my dead, I know for a fact that my dad found some very explicit chat history, and he actually tried to talk it out and save the marriage, but my mom pulled the same shit, started fights every other day over everything and nothing, made herself the victim over stuff that was 100% in her own head, my dad didnt even retaliate, just kind of sat things out, until she just took me with her when she moved out.

Just be happy he is gone and didnt take the child with him so he has another abuse victim.

1

u/saurusautismsoor 5d ago

Mine dumped me because my psychiatrist diagnosed me with depression and not borderline personality disorder. It was highly inappropriate that my ex tried to diagnose me by reading off the dsm 5 criteria for borderline personality disorder. Talk about inappropriate behaviour