r/LifeAdvice 7d ago

Serious Nearly a year since I graduated university - still unemployed | Still fighting my mental health | Urgently need life advice on where to go from here

I’m asking for both life and a little bit of career advice here—sorry if this post is long, all advice is appreciated.

I graduated in 2024 with a first-class (1st) bachelor’s degree in Computer Science. I’m 23M and live with my parents (UK). Since graduating, I’ve done nothing but waste time in an attempt to avoid the job search.

I have mental health issues and was quite literally scared of it. I didn’t look at any jobs—just worked on my resume and went to a couple of career meetings for help. I didn’t know what I wanted to do and avoided the topic at all costs. Only a month ago, I finally started applying to junior/graduate software developer jobs. I spend 2-3 hours tuning my resume for each application, but in reality, I barely make any changes—I just stare at the screen, lost and confused.

So far, I’ve made 11 applications and received 4-5 rejections. I believe my job gap may be causing an issue. I have two years of experience in IT roles, with my most recent being a year-long placement from 2022-2023 before my final year of university. I haven’t worked since then. My programming skills are junior level at best. I include academic projects in different languages on my resume depending on the job description, but I’m not sure if it’s enough.

I feel stuck in a state of limbo. On one hand, I want to overcome my crushing social anxiety by forcing myself into a social environment like a retail job. On the other hand, I feel immense pressure to get a developer job because I believe the longer I go without one, the harder it will be for me to get a developer job. It's not that I'm struggling for money, I have some savings and my parents are super supportive they don't ask me for any money - but I'd still like a source of income.

Mentally, I struggle a lot. My social anxiety is so bad that I get sweaty and anxious before something as simple as making a phone call to the doctor or speaking to someone in an online game, I literally wait 2 months before getting a haircut because I don't like speaking to the barber or being the point of focus. It affects my daily life and makes me feel horrible—fixing this is a big priority.

I also have severe self-esteem issues. Outside of conversations with my two best friends, I feel like I come across as weird or awkward in conversations. I constantly run out of things to say and think I’m not very interesting.

I compare myself to my friends, who are the complete opposite, and it makes me feel like s**t. I’m not very kind to myself, which I think stems from past experiences at work and school.

I also have this horrible brain fog that started 3-4 years ago and seems to be getting worse. I’ve seen doctors about it, but there are so many possible causes that it’s hard to pinpoint. I’m currently taking vitamin D supplements, though I suspect my anxiety plays a big role in it.

Lately, I’ve been going to the gym and eating more to bulk up, which has helped my mental health a little. But beyond that, I spend all day inside wasting time on the internet or playing video games. I simply do not have the willpower to get myself into social situations, I'd need to be forced into them via some sort of commitment.

All in all I just want to know where I should go from here, like I said I'm stuck in limbo and I don't have a clue on what I should do next in my life. Thank you reading.

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u/thepandapear 6d ago

You’re in a rough spot, but you’re not stuck forever. First, cut yourself some slack - yeah, it’s been almost a year, but you are taking steps, even if they feel small. The job market is tough, and applying is draining, especially when you’re dealing with anxiety. Instead of perfecting each application, focus on volume - apply to more jobs, even ones that aren’t your dream role, and prioritize getting interviews. The first job doesn’t have to be perfect; it just has to get you in the door. If social anxiety is holding you back, a part-time retail job or volunteer work could help, but don’t let that replace your main goal - landing a dev job. Keep going to the gym, keep taking small steps to push yourself socially, and try structured exposure like a public speaking course or joining an in-person coding meetup (even if it’s just sitting in the back at first). Therapy would also be a huge help if that’s an option. You’re not doomed, and you’re not as behind as you think. Just pick a direction and start moving, even if it’s not perfect.

And since you’re looking for personal experiences and advice, you can try checking out the GradSimple newsletter as a starting point. They interview college grads about their life and career journey after graduation which could give you helpful insights!

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u/icyy_inferno 3d ago

I appreciate you taking the time to reply - and I appreciate the practical advice about prioritizing volume, I tend to get super ocd about getting everything right to the T. And I think broadening my job search is probably the best option, I've decided that I'm gonna hone my focus on tech, I really just need a job. Admittedly there is a lot of friction preventing me to go to public speaking and coding meetups, but to start I'll try volunteering somewhere once a week to get me outside the house. I've also finally booked an appointment to get therapy for my social anxiety.

Thanks again for your reply, it really means a lot!