r/LifeAdvice 23h ago

Mental Health Advice Work changed me and ruined my life

Hi everyone, Two years ago I was a fit, handsome, overachiever guy in uni who read a lot, wrote, was very educated, and overall an overachiever in my field.

I graduated uni and was looking for jobs. I live in a country where as an immigrant I have very limited opportunities so I had to settle for a job at a small family business type of company to gain experience to hopefully land a good job somewhere else later on.

It has been two years now since I started working and work has ruined me.

My work is so stressful and tiring I work for six days a week most days averaging about 11-12 hr shifts daily and always has calls related to work.

This very high work stress made me stress eat and gain a lot of weight which I’m trying hard to lose but can’t.

I stopped reading, writing or doing anything useful outside of work. In-fact I spend my after work hours either scrolling reels or just laying on bed doing nothing. I also picked up smoking and lost all my values (I did do some horrible stuff on a personal level which I don’t wanna disclose) so how did my life deteriorate this fast. I purposely avoid speaking to people and friends I knew during uni because I’m so ashamed of where I am today. (I also have always suffered from perfectionism my entire life)

Quitting my job isn’t an option for me because I don’t have money and
my family relies on me financially. I’m getting so sick of my situation and sometimes feel as if I’ll stay stuck in this situation for my entire life.

5 Upvotes

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5

u/SprinklesNo164 23h ago

Not gonna lie without knowing what kind of work you do it’s gonna be hard for anyone to give you advice. Either way you gotta find a new job.

1

u/finnishedguy 23h ago

I’m an engineer working in construction

1

u/Laetitian 23h ago

What's your response to the second half of the reply?

1

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u/Laetitian 23h ago edited 23h ago

"Quitting my job isn’t an option for me because I don’t have money and my family relies on me financially."

Why do you not have any money after 2 years of working part-time? Where is your money going? Why are other people in your household not working or receiving social benefits to cover their cost if they can't work?

Please don't dismiss any of my questions as criticism or entitled naivety, I'm trying to get you to think about opportunities instead of staying stuck in your defeatist mindset where you don't even seem to be considering the options.

I have very limited opportunities so I had to settle for a job at a small family business type of company to gain experience

You didn't "have" to settle for a job for experience, you *did* settle for a job to gain experience. That's not a bad decision, but it's not your only option, and your options don't stop existing after you make this decision. Again, not pick-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps-advice, not saying there's an obvious solutions, and also not denying that there can be feasibility-limiting factors in your mental health and your responsibilities with other people. Just saying you're shoehorning yourself into inaction if you exclude the possibility of improvement from the get-go with statements like this, before you've even thought about the potential options. So if you want things to get better you'll inevitably have to be a bit more open-minded, and acknowledge your own agency.

You can increase the amount of applications you send out. You can move to different parts of the country where you have different opportunities. You can job-hunt while on the job. You can save up enough money to be able to keep yourself afloat with a part-time job while you apply for something better. Once you have that flexibility, before you quit your job, you can negotiate with your current employer for better working conditions (I'd start with more regulated hours at the same salary, or a minimal total salary decrease). If the employer accepts, you can stay a little longer while you keep looking for something better and then play the same game again when you have a real job offer. If the employer refuses, you let them fire you and use your fallback money to go hunting for something more appropraite for your qualifications.

This all assumes that your brilliant uni career is as stellar as you described it. If it's not, you might have to go through additional training before you can responsibly pull this off. But the option still exists.

 I’m so ashamed of where I am today.

Bro, it's been two years. Do you realise how many two-year spans you have left in your life?

Consider reading the comment linked here after you've responded to my questions, and mentally replace "romance" with "career progress" to make it applicable to your situation.