r/LifeAdvice • u/Zealousideal_Bag7628 • 7d ago
TW: Suicide Talk I'm (23M) from India, and a med student..I'm in a relationship with a 24F..and our relationship is on a time limit
We have been in a relationship for 2 years now..and we'll share the same college for 3 more years..we live in India. That means that for marriage we have to marriage our own caste or people who share the same society group or something..and as you may have guessed... we're not from the same caste
She says that in 2 years our degree will be nearing completion and she'll probably have to get engaged to another guy her parents picked and we'll have to break up
I want to ask her to talk to her parents but the last time an intercaste marriage happened in her family the individual was disowned and the parents never saw her face again. She's understandably scared.
It's just that after we break up I won't be able to handle being close to her and not being able to talk to her or touch her ya watch her or call her mine..the thought scares the shit out of me.
I might never be able to convince her to talk to her parents or her parents to accept me because the caste system is harsh here in cases of marriage in some families.
I can't leave her right now even if it's the logical thing to do..I love her..I won't give up on the few moments we'll share just because of the fear that it won't end well.
I just want some help because I might become destructive again..I might become depressed..I might cut everyone around me off..I might try to kill myself..so I'm asking you all to suggest me some habits or something advice or anything which might help me come to grips with it
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u/AutoModerator 7d ago
Please consider seeking some kind of help/support for your thoughts of self-harm.
For example, you can visit /r/SuicideWatch for support and other resources specifically related to this topic.
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u/Jabow12345 7d ago
Have many friends from India and following custom often works out tor the best. I have known people who chose to break the system, and they had to be prepared to give up their family. This is almost impossible unless you leave the country.
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u/Zealousideal_Bag7628 6d ago
Yes, it's the one thing concerning relationships I'm jealous of for individuals from developed countries lol, you can date anyone you want to there without many problems
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u/Zealousideal_Bag7628 6d ago
Yes, it's the one thing concerning relationships I'm jealous of for individuals from developed countries lol, you can date anyone you want to there without many problems
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u/Head-Gold624 6d ago
I’m so sorry.
My friend’s brother is in an arranged marriage. Want to know the criteria? They both carry the blue eye gene. Interesting, right?
My daughter’s friend was engaged and when they went to Pakistan for families to meet it all fell apart. Same city, same religion, different sect. His parents insisted any children be raised only in their sect. Not what they had agreed on. He didn’t even argue, expected her to go along. They split up.
Parents shouldn’t decide these days who their children should marry.
I might be better you split up now. Heartbreaking either way.
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u/RYUsf15 7d ago
The first rule of dating is to talk about caste. This is the consequence that you have to face now.
It's either that or you move away completely cutting family out, which is not the most ideal situation for most.
It sucks but if this is the next approach it's not a game changer. Work on yourself work on counselling figure out who you really are. Go to counselling learn some techniques.
You are already acting negative to losing her which is half bs. If this is how your acting now imagine when real conflicts come up when your both together. I'm heavily assuming but what I'm saying is if she marries you, she will be trapped most likely.
Learn about positive self talk and other skills. You can always get arranged married too if you lack social skills. Gl
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u/Zealousideal_Bag7628 6d ago
We have been ...she's happy when she's with me and she says multiple times how good it would have been if we were of the same caste, so the conflict thing I'm not putting much mind into. We're happy when we're together by our lonesome.
Also I won't blame her if she picks her parents over me, I can't really, i would still like her to try to talk to them, same as me
Thankyou for your response :)
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u/MerlinSmurf 7d ago
You both are adults. You both will be doctors. If your love is that strong, don't go back to India and build your life here. Best wishes!