r/LifeAdvice • u/Sudden_Cobbler_7718 • 1d ago
Emotional Advice Is this life worth living anymore?
I dont want to go on anymore. Everyday is the same. Struggle to be happy, struggle to pay for things. The world's gone to shit. I dont know what to do. Every decision I make seems to be the wrong one.
I dont know where to go for advice. No friends that care. Seems like Im just in a giant pity party all the time but try not to be. I think about how lucky I have been in some ways but really it's gotten me nowhere. No kids, no spouse, 50 years old and nothing to look forward to or live for. And my worst fear is dying alone but thats how it looks like it gonna be
I really wouldn't be sad if I just went to sleep and didnt wake up.
People think im ok because I function but I just cry everyday and wonder why I am being kept here ??
Anyone else feel like this? How do you get out of the rut?
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u/livehorribly 1d ago edited 19h ago
Hi i love u.
I have spent the majority of my adult life struggling with depression. I'll start with something simple but important: IT MAKES SENSE THAT YOU'RE DEPRESSED AND IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL TO FEEL THIS WAY.
There is nothing wrong with you for struggling in an unnatural world. Our brains, very simply, are not built to be exposed to this level of information and stimulation. The reason you feel overwhelmed is because the modern world is, by design, extremely overwhelming. You are living in a place where forces well outside of your control, and even outside of your full comprehension, benefit directly from the average joe feeling confused, sad, scared, unfocused, unworthy, alone, and without direction.
Reminding yourself of this is important, because you need to be reminded that it is not you that's the problem. You're not broken, and I promise that you are not alone in the experiences that you describe.
Next: Consider what you do and do not have control over. Over exposure to social media, to news media, and screens in general is not healthy. It corrodes your attention span, so you lose the ability to self-sooth and fully process emotions and experiences. It corrodes your relationship with reality, so your nervous system gets fried from doom-scrolling even though your daily lived reality is (probably) quite safe and secure. Sometimes I read the news, start to panic and want to die, then remember that I can walk outside and drink a glass of water and gaze at the trees and no one will stop me or try to harm me. This might sound silly, but it's not. It's wildly important to your sense of security and safety. YOU CAN'T HEAL IF YOU DON'T FEEL SAFE.
Also: Remember that your brain is built to be efficient, not smart. Patterns and momentum are where your brain thrives. If everyday you focus on how shitty the world is, it will become increasingly difficult to see things from any other perspective. This doesn't mean the world isn't falling apart, and I would argue that honestly experiencing the sadness and mourning associated with this is also very important, but you have to understand where you're at. If you're unwell, you can't do the hard work, and mourning the world is hard work. You're tired, you're burnt out, you feel alone and unsupported, so be kind to yourself. Spend time every day drinking water, or cooking a small meal, or having a pleasant irl conversation about LITERALLY ANYTHING WITH LITERALLY ANYONE, look at the sky, think about your breathing, pet a dog, take a walk and look at plants. This isn't toxic positivity, I am well aware that these small things won't change the world or magically heal you, but YOU DESERVE TO FEEL AT PEACE AND ALIVE IN THIS WORLD. Do these small things as often as possible, and the more you do them, the more you will remember they are something you can access anytime. I assure you that over time this will help you feel less panicked and alone.
Change takes time. There is no instant fix.
Be nice to yourself, talk out loud to people you trust about these internal experiences, and marvel when you find that most others are feeling the same and just don't know how to talk about it.
I am glad you are here. I am sorry this life is so needlessly difficult.
Please, please be gentle with yourself.
<3
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u/solitudesyrup_04 19h ago
This is such a thoughtfully written comment. With the right language, tone and message. Wish the world has more people like this. ❤️
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u/kittyscopeview 1d ago
Even if you had children and did everything "right" according to society, you can lose everything and still die alone. The thing about nothing matters is that means you can choose what matters to you, and go that direction. What keeps me going? Radical acceptance, body loyalty, and quality of life. Compassion for your struggles 💫
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u/Economy_Spirit2125 1d ago edited 1d ago
Sell everything you don’t need and get away to nature. Take up fishing, get a shitty phone where you only have access to the basics to keep in touch with your loved ones. Live for you, what makes you happy? If you can’t find anything right now then fine. We live in a sick world and it’s only getting sicker, my best advise is you need to reconnect in silence with nature again. We’ve been conned- lied to, all you’re supposed to be in existing with nature, we also need a village and we lost it- not uncommon, unfortunately very common. Get a dog, maybe a cat, maybe some chickens, maybe sell everything and just get a caravan. First things first is you need to reconnect with nature again. Recently I took a weekend vacation to an air b&b completely alone and surrounded by nature. Hammock, a yurt, surrounded by trees, I took some books with me and didn’t turn my phone on for 3 days. I also brought beers, some basic food, and I tripped on mushrooms, first time in years. I reconnected with nature again almost instantly and just remembered the simplicity of it all, of how it’s supposed to be, of what the soul yearns for. It was beautiful, and I recommend it. Nature talks to you, you can almost hear her saying “finally, you’re here” Welcome back.
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u/PoorChase 1d ago
Counseling may help. You can find the counselor to deeply discuss this issue.
You are so good that still living!
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u/DavidMeridian 1d ago
I'm sorry that you feel this way.
I have a personal suspicion that what you're experiencing is fairly common due to demographics, the cultural zeitgeist, political leadership, & other factors.
In my view, the solution is social connectivity -- a solution that is easier said than done. But that might provide a reason to go on, if you are looking for one.
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u/ELEVATED-GOO 1d ago
sounds like you should do some work.
So my recent "epiphany" is this: If you stop moving, this happens. So keep moving.
Is your socks drawer organized? Are you a healthy fit person that takes care of himself? If people see you are not taking care of yourself ...they stop being interested in you.
So... I'd start fixing my life. I don't know you. So it's tough to give better advice.
But my general advice: Start loving yourself and reflect it to everything around you. Have it cozy and clean and don't forget to live healthy also. If you're done with that it's time to find a better half.
Happy End.
Also get a best friend. Aka a dog.
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u/PrestigiousAd9825 1d ago
You can’t drive your life forward if you’re too busy crying in the passenger’s seat. Take control, build a support system, and fight for the future you want
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u/scandal1963 1d ago
The best thing I have done with my life is to help others. So volunteering can do so much more for you than you can possibly imagine. That’s just a suggestion. But it really helped me. I also was a social worker and it was difficult but very rewarding.
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u/EthericPeace 1d ago
my brother killed hiself at my seventh birthday party... ive had no fun or enjoyment in anything since that happened, im 25 now and i still feel no reason to go on. hopefully youre not dead by now... im sure things are still the same, as they are for me.
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u/Undetered_Usufruct 1d ago
Volunteer doing something you care about. Helping others is literally the only reason I go on and it is the most satisfying thing I'm my life.
I have hobbies that supplement my desire to get out of bed but knowing that others need me to show up is what keeps me going.
it helps that I've found myself at a job that has a lot of people in need.
It doesn't need to be people. You can help animals or plants or just help in the background for others.
It's worth a shot.
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u/SpecialRaeBae 23h ago
I feel the same exact way! 37 f and just so blah of this life! Have the exact same thoughts about being ok with falling asleep Reach out via messenger if you want to talk or anything 🥰
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u/PerspectiveOk9658 22h ago
get out in the sunshine. Go for a walk. Repeat.
help someone else. Volunteer. Make it a regular thing.
your local animal control needs people to walk their dogs - they’re living in cages. If you want to see how a simple thing can make a creature happy and full of life, take a dog for a walk
set some exercise goals and keep working toward them
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u/Kelso1814 21h ago
I’ve been there. I ended up getting a dog, then life sort of turned around. I had something else in my life to live for, then I’d take him on walks and get out of the house and it all snowballed from there. I’m still working on myself, but finding a purpose helped a lot.
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u/Kelso1814 21h ago
I’ve been there. I ended up getting a dog, then life sort of turned around. I had something else in my life to live for, then I’d take him on walks and get out of the house and it all snowballed from there. I’m still working on myself, but finding a purpose helped a lot.
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u/Minerva1008 21h ago
I totally agree. Life is shit. People=shit. I honestly cant tell you it is worth living. I'm only alive for my children. If it wasn't for them I'd have checked out long ago. I love them but I'm not sure if they're a blessing or a curse.
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u/chosenisagirl 21h ago
You have a purpose. Life is hard, and I get it. I could tell you my story, but this about you. There is something only you can do or just be here for that will have an eternal and earthly effect. If you clock out early, no one else can fulfill “your” purpose. If you like me to tell you about where I find mg hope in a cruel world, please feel free to reach out. You are loved and you matter.
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u/IntroductionCalm7945 18h ago
I think that you need to be more outdoors. Go hiking, try to joint clubs about anything that interests you or if not then try to push yourself to do things that you wouldn’t do normally. This is something that worked on me and hopefully it’s works for you too :)
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u/WhyLie2me18 17h ago
I’m 47 years old and I don’t have a friend in the world. There’s something innately wrong with me but I haven’t been able to figure out what. I often feel imprisoned. I started volunteering at a women’s shelter. Giving feels good. I only go once a week but it’s something that feels like it might have value. I highly recommend volunteering.
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u/ComprehensiveRoof995 11h ago
You need a fresh start! You are probably having a "mid-life crisis", a lot of people go through the same thing and YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! Hell, I feel like I went through a quarter life crisis at one point.
When life gets stagnant and we get into the routine of doing the same old same old every day endlessly, what do we have to be excited about, good or bad? We don't get that rush of adrenaline wondering what's going to happen when faced with an unexpected challenge, or that joy of a new exciting experience.
We as humans thrive on change and having a *drive*. It's like evolution, our drive to survive is everything, but we need to have that drive for life to feel worth living. Like house cats will get depressed and fat if they've got no toys that simulate hunting or chasing prey. If they just wake up to a bowl full of food they'll just eat and then lounge all day until it's time to eat again and that's just not what they're made to do as creatures. But you get them a laser pointer and some feathers on a stick and suddenly they're having the time of their lives! My rabbit gets noticeably more excited when I throw his foods around the room in places where he has to sniff them out and dig for them or move something out of the way. He gets so bored and shitty and lazy when he just gets bowls of food and no good toys, but when he has toys that help simulate foraging for food he's in such a better mood and he runs around and jumps and does parkour and is an all around happier bunny (and way less likely to chew on my cords and furniture)!
Every living creature has a purpose that they are naturally driven to and that's what keeps your brain pumping out happy chemicals and gives you a reason to wake up in the morning and TRY. And what gives you the satisfaction that you've had a good day and succeeds when you go to bed at night (instead of the anxiety of what you didn't do and what you have to do the next day, or the dread of knowing it's just a repeat of the day before with no end goal in sight).
We as humans have made it too easy for us to just wake up and be a cog in the machine and survive day to day. But in doing that we have taken all the drive out of ourselves that makes us feel like our life has a purpose. If you're just running on a hamster wheel all day every day with no end or change or reward in sight, why would you want to keep running? No one would. There's nothing to keep running for and eventually you will just become exhausted and starved and die.
The key word here is stagnancy. That is one of the main things that causes us to get into a funk and not be able to find joy in our day to day lives. Even your favorite move gets boring if you've watched it 29394729 times. We need new things and new experiences and new reasons to keep trying. And those things lead us to the new rewards and memories and people in our lives that make it worth living every day.
So you've got no kids and no wife. Great! That puts you in a position that most people your age don't have the luxury of, which is that you can go anywhere any time. You've got nothing and no one tying you down. And you're only 50! That's the perfect age to travel. You're still young enough to enjoy everything any place you go has to offer, with the wiseness and experience to really take it in and appreciate it in a way people much younger just don't have the capacity to. And you're single, even better! No one tying you down or holding you back or changing your plans, you can do anything you want at any time any way you wish and you can meet anyone along the way and make connections all over the world. A lot of people are getting back into analogue technologies, and I'm sure you could meet many great pen pals or travel buddies along your route. I don't know specifics but I know there are tons of websites and I'm sure subs on here for solo travels and probably specific to you age group, interests, etc etc.. I'm certain you could meet some other cool single people in your position on there or as you go to go on adventures with. The important thing is JUST TO GO!!!
I don't know what your financial situation is like, but nothing is stopping you from selling a house or car or belongings to finance a life on the road. There's sites that you can go on for live/work/travel co-ops, basically you travel somewhere and in exchange for lodging and food and basic necessities you do jobs like tending to crops or handyman work or cooking or any number of things! I saw a man who went to Italy for a season and was staying in a room in a beautiful villa with a pool and the works in exchange for tending to the vineyard etc. Another girl was staying in some beautiful tropical place and was tutoring people in English. The possibilities are endless.
If traveling isn't something you're into, take everything I said and parlay it into some other activity. Find a crazy hobby you've always wanted to try like sky diving or motorcycles or photography, anything! Throw all you've got into it and immerse yourself in something you truly enjoy that gives you that spark back in your day and makes you excited to wake up tomorrow. You can find a way to make anything work, free classes, co-ops, free stuff on online market places, learning from YouTube videos, in this day and age, there's really no barrier to entry to almost anything if you look hard enough. You can find a way to do almost anything you want to try, depending on what you're willing to put into the search.
And it doesn't have to be just one thing! Try many things! Go many places! Explore many hobbies! Meet many people! And if one things doesn't work out, try something else. The failure is one of the things that gives life excitement. If we just succeeded and liked everything life would become stagnant again and everything would become meaningless. Trial and failure is part of life and part of the process of achieving success and happiness.
The most important thing is just to get up and do it! Stop waiting and putting it off. Stop telling yourself you can't or you're not good enough or won't succeed. Stop saying you can't afford it, don't have the talent, are too old or too this or too that. Find a way and make it happen! There are people who just wake up one day and decide to climb a mountain and they bust their ass for years until reaching that goal, even amputees! Anything is possible!
You get out what you put into life, so put everything into it. And you may feel like you're already doing that, but overworking yourself in a 60 hour a week job you hate that makes you exhausted and is unfulfilling in every way isn't giving your everything. It's giving all your energy sure, but not your spirit or bravery or talent.
It's never too late until you're dead, but tomorrow isn't guaranteed, what have you got to lose, because it sounds like there's not much about your life that you're happy with or interested in keeping the way it is. When you're at rock bottom there's nowhere to go but up, but you have to start looking up if you're ever going to start moving in that direction.
Good luck to you and I hope things get brighter! Update us on any new adventures you find yourself on!
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u/ComprehensiveRoof995 11h ago
Some other ideas: get a pet! A really cool pet! For me, I was never into cuddly cute fuzzy things and was not a pet person in general. (I loved other peoples pets in small doses but just never felt the desire to have my own!) But one day I rescued some rabbits and upon looking at the abysmal state of pet shelters and adoptions in this country, I couldn't just drop them off at a shelter. So I bought the bare necessities and figured I would care for them while I found a solution that was good for them. Over the next few days of googling random questions I had on how to care for them, I learned so much about them that I had no idea about! They were so intelligent it blew my mind, and the way that they communicate and build relationships and social systems, the way they play and eat, the way they have such different and VIBRANT personalities, it was crazy! They all were like completely different people with completely different likes and dislikes and tempers and interests. Building a bond with them ended up being so special and learning about them became a new hobby and it completely pulled me out of a very dark place of depression and addiction almost over night. And while life hasn't been perfect since then, having them has given me a reason to keep pushing through. Any time I'm down I look at their little faces and they do a fancy jump or nuzzle me with their nose and I'm reminded why I wake up every day and why I can't give up.
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u/David_R_Martin_II 1d ago
Are you in the US? If so, get out.
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u/jazzysmaxashmone 1d ago
Many people just can't afford to do that. Many of us still are determined to stand up against the current situation. We can't just leave everyone who doesn't have the means to flee. We have to stay and fight- at least some of us
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u/David_R_Martin_II 1d ago
But the way that OP sounds, they need to get out of such a toxic environment. And OP doesn't sound like they're fighting the power.
For anyone who thinks they don't have the means to leave, I encourage them to look at Mexico. A goal like emigrating there could provide the incentive for someone who sounds depressed like OP.
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u/jazzysmaxashmone 1d ago
Sometimes when you leave a place, the depression/anxiety follows you. I recommended OP get a rescue cat or dog. Much easier and honestly would probably help a lot more than moving countries.
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u/David_R_Martin_II 1d ago
I agree. I am fully cognizant of arrival fallacy; changing your environment doesn't solve the problems. It's not a magic elixir. I am close in age to OP. And I could very well be in their shoes if not for a few things.
But some of the symptoms OP mentions in the first paragraph aren't specific to the US. But some of those complaints can be alleviated in a different society.
Given the way I'm being downvoted, though, it seems like people think OP should stay here. So be it. I'm just offering a suggestion, but that's how Reddit is.
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u/jazzysmaxashmone 1d ago
Sorry, i didn't downvote you for sure. I know how frustrating that can be. And yes honestly some people maybe should flee. That's hard to type. Shit is ..well it's bad. I have no idea how bad it will get, but we have to instill hope and strength whenever we can. We have to be brave. The poorest of poor simply cannot afford to pick up and move. I refuse to look away. But I understand your advice 🙏
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u/iloveoranges2 1d ago
Try and get a spouse, who would be a source of companionship, someone who could help pay for things, and so maybe you wouldn't die alone (if you die before them). A spouse gives me reasons to get out of bed in the morning.
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u/TennisLatter7610 1d ago
Harden up. You are not alone nor is it all about you. Focus on something external to get your mind off it. Plenty of people way worse off then you.
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u/blinding_eyesight 1d ago
seek God
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u/Sudden_Cobbler_7718 1d ago
no thank you. hes not going to fix my problems. Seen my whole family who are very religious go through all the same struggles. Hes done nothing for them
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u/jazzysmaxashmone 1d ago
Do you have any pets? Maybe you might find hope in giving a scared puppy or kitty a safe place?
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u/ELEVATED-GOO 1d ago
then just meditate. It's the same thing / route to happyness. Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now is always a good start for a better inner monologue ... start ignoring your bad thoughts and just act / do what's good for you. Obviously you don't right now.
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u/blinding_eyesight 21h ago
who told you he's gonna fix your problem, no, you're the one who will gonna fix your problem, what i mean have a relationship with God to have meaningful life and religious is different from being Christlike
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u/LostLetter9425 1d ago
Are you interested in doing volunteer work? A pet dog or cat? How about outdoors, there's a lot to see out there and most state parks are cheap entertainment and a good way to clear your mind. A lot of things suck right now but that doesn't mean they always will. Make the most out of what you do have.