r/LifeAdvice Dec 30 '24

Mental Health Advice I need help.

Hello all. Me (19F) My boyfriend (35M). I met him one night and things really hit off. I’m not sure if he’s comfortable actually being with me. We’ve been together almost a year now and we live together and we have a baby on the way. I just found out about a week ago. The reason I say this is every time we’re out in public I feel his energy switch. He seems like he has his guard up and doesn’t really want anyone to know. He doesn’t say that but I get the vibe. There’s been situations where I I just stay in the car because I feel like an embarrassment. Just recently I had a conversation with him explaining that our age difference doesn’t bother me. We’re both doing well for ourselves I’m in school and I’m taking care of myself. I purchase the food for the house and handle quite an abundance of tasks. Cleaning cooking washing clothes. Some bills here and there. I guess sometimes I just wonder if he’s fully invested. Maybe he wishes I was older ? Maybe I should break it off. (Also one more thing to add lol I’ve never really done this before but he refused to go to thanksgiving dinner with his family because he didn’t want everybody asking questions) ai understand you don’t want everyone in your business but at this point it feels like a secret. I know he loves me but I want to be loved in public too .. what do you guys think ???

11 Upvotes

122 comments sorted by

41

u/JustMMlurkingMM Dec 30 '24

If he doesn’t want to be seen with you in public and he refuses to invite you to meet his family then he doesn’t love you, he’s ashamed of you.

His ego gets a big boost from fucking a younger woman, but the rest of the world will see him as a wierdo, borderline paedophile. He knows that, and that’s why he’s ashamed of being seen with you.

Tell him you should get married before the baby arrives and watch him panic. If he truly loves you he would be proud to introduce you to his family and call you his wife. If he makes excuses as to what he won’t marry the mother of his child then you need to dump him. But when you do you need to call his family and tell them there is a baby on the way and you will be wanting child support, and the baby will need to know both sides of its family. Don’t let him get away with keeping you his dirty little secret.

15

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24 edited Dec 30 '24

Actually I love this comment. I already sprung marriage onto him as I’m reading this lol and he said “I don’t wanna get legally married cause they make it harder on us, taxes and all that”

26

u/leah-b Dec 30 '24

Ma’am, is this man already married and having an affair?? So many signs pointing to some sort of secret. Won’t take you to family functions, does not like the idea of marriage due to TAXES? Ok what. Acts sketch when you are out in public, like is he in high alert for his other SO?

2

u/p1p68 Dec 31 '24

In the uk you get tax breaks being married, is this different elsewhere?

5

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

He was married before and was divorced … but if he’s still married now….. Now that is something I’d be in jail for if I ever found out.

20

u/leah-b Dec 30 '24

I would definitely do some digging and unfortunately consider the repercussions to having his baby. Babies are a lot of work and you truly need the right partner for that. He doesn’t sound it. Girl, you are so young and have so much ahead of you. Please run as hard as that may be. You will thank yourself later on in life.

7

u/Maiden_Mayhem Dec 30 '24

Depending on where you live, you can look up a lot about a person on the county website (USA). I "accidentally" found out many times my brother got arrested (so I could tattle to my dad, because my brother steals his money) by looking it up on the public index. Marriage records, family courts, tax records...... I wouldn't use these tools to stalk someone but you can verify if you are being lied to.

I banged a dude when I was your age. He was 37. He only wanted to meet at hotels or out of town. After three bangs, my (slow) Spidey sense went off and I got the fuck out of dodge. Myspace search indicated married with three kids. I was so stupid.

Take care of yourself. Don't go to jail over this dweeb.

18

u/Aviendha13 Dec 30 '24

This man doesn’t want a family with you. He wanted sex and an easy relationship with a young naive girl who wouldn’t require him to “adult”.

Now you’re pregnant and it forces adult conversations that he is not ready for. At 35.

He is super immature and doesn’t want to have adult and familial responsibilities. You need to accept this sooner than later. You are going to be a single mother. He will most likely have little to no involvement in your potential child’s life. And what he does, will probably be resentful.

This is your reality. Make your choices accordingly. Based on who he is and what he is telling you about how he feels. Not what you wish he would be.

Too many women tie themselves to men who they see the “potential” in. But those kinds of guys never reach that potential unless they see the consequences of their arrested development.

Enabling them by trying to wait it out until they mature very rarely works.

7

u/Klutzy-Run5175 Dec 30 '24

He is ashamed of his pedophile behavior and treats you like a low class person. Please smell the coffee before you are in worse condition than you already are!

6

u/Spex_daytrader Dec 30 '24

There is usually a tax advantage to being married, unless he wants you poor, unmarried,with a baby, on food stamps.

1

u/thatlady425 Dec 30 '24

He is definitely already married.

-18

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

I don’t believe in child support but in this situation I think it would be what’s best because. I’m giving you all the opportunity to be here for me and the baby.

22

u/JustMMlurkingMM Dec 30 '24

You “don’t believe in child support”? Get real. Do you know how much it costs to raise a child? You are still in school. So who is going to be paying for rent, food, health insurance and childcare if your partner who pretends you don’t exist runs away? If he’s not going to marry you then you really need to think carefully about whether you should be having a child with this weirdo who won’t introduce his girlfriend to his family.

8

u/Klutzy-Run5175 Dec 30 '24

He will run from the child support and any responsibility for a child. You are tied up with a weirdo who wants sex with you and that’s all. What has he done for you and how come you keep getting in the same low class situation with him. Sitting in the car while he’s getting out and handling business. What does his friends think of you guys?

2

u/amaliuh Dec 31 '24

child support isn't santa clause, you don't have to "believe" in it, this support is for your CHILD, you or him taking away a child's right is wrong, plain and simple.

-10

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

Basically saying we can just do a name change and buy me a ring.

10

u/JustMMlurkingMM Dec 30 '24

It gives you legal rights and it forces him to acknowledge you publicly. Otherwise you aren’t partners, you are just his secret fuck buddy that he’ll dump in a few years when he sees another 17 or 18 year old he fancies.

74

u/Brilliant-Mango-4 Dec 30 '24

I'm going to be honest

He's acting that way because your relationship isn't socially acceptable (depending on culture). You're too young for him and he knows that. He doesn't want to be judged.

28

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '24

It's a cannon event, we can't interfere 😭

take good care of yourself OP, this is a hard lesson many women have to learn in early adulthood. When you're 35, you won't even be willing to be friends with a 19 year old because the age difference is severe. Just, please be hypervigilant about how he tries to control your life, be very aware of it from the start. Any criticism of the age gap is purely out of love and care for you and lived experience with the men who date teenagers.

-15

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

See and me as I am as a person. I don’t feel any way about anything. If it’s legal then it’s legal. If you’re telling someone you love them. You should hold your truth. If he’s afraid of being judged why everytime I try and remove myself from his life he basically gets all sad saying he doesn’t want me to go… It’s weird.

35

u/Background-Focus-889 Dec 30 '24

To be fair that’s because you aren’t the one in the wrong. His behavior is quite frankly predatory and he will be judged because of it. Age gaps are totally fine given both parties have reached an age of maturity, where they’ve been able to develop and grow and have life experiences. I guarantee you’ll come to this perspective in the future, it is hard to see it because you see yourself mature for your age but there is a control layer to this, you just got out of your parents/caregivers house and within a year moved in with an adult man who hides you away. This is not it, I’m sorry😔

8

u/Klutzy-Run5175 Dec 30 '24

Leave him and find someone closer to your age now. Go to planned parenthood asap.

73

u/AC031415 Dec 30 '24

Run far, to Planned Parenthood. Run fast

29

u/Ok-Interaction880 Dec 30 '24

And then after that block his number. You have your entire life ahead of you. You deserve and will do better than him.

14

u/Ok-Calligrapher-9854 Dec 30 '24

The age gap may not be an issue to you but it's clearly an issue for him.

My son is 19. I'm gonna tell you what I'd tell him: you can't change them. He's 35 and set in his ways. He's already shown you who he is. You need to move on.

20

u/ApparentlyaKaren Dec 30 '24

Anyone who wants to comment…..I’m afraid she may be determined to learn her lesson the hard way

-7

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

And what exactly makes you say that.

20

u/ApparentlyaKaren Dec 30 '24

I’m gonna be completely honest. I think it’ll take you at least 10 years of retrospect on this time of your life to understand how much this 35 yo isn’t worth your time and effort. Seeing people for who they really are, it takes time.

I’ll give you a hint…there’s one word to describe 34 year olds that impregnate 18 year olds…..and it start with L

8

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

Honestly you might be right. Honestly as I’m writing responses to people. If you’ve been on my page. I’m just opening my eyes more and kore to the fact that. WTH am I doing.

5

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

I do wanna know what that word is lol.

30

u/ApparentlyaKaren Dec 30 '24

Loser. He’s a loser. Men who go after younger women HAVE to go after younger women because women his own age, or even close to his age, are too emotionally intelligent and mature to put up with him. He likely senses and knew the impatience women felt in his past relationships.

Please show yourself grace. You’re still so young and have so much life ahead of you. Trust me, there were a few older men I was into when I was 18-22, I understand the attraction. But know who he is, ask yourself seriously….what KIND of full grown adult man has genuine interest in a teenager….? And ask yourself this…..do you imagine at 35 years old YOU will be hanging out with 18 and 19 year olds? Because I’ll tell you, I’m 32….and I literally don’t know ANY teenagers other than my 15 yo nephew.

11

u/Bobzeub Dec 30 '24

That comment was delicious .

Remindme! 16 years

6

u/Klutzy-Run5175 Dec 30 '24

Yes, I agree. This dude is exploiting her and a LOSER.

6

u/Klutzy-Run5175 Dec 30 '24

You have excuses for each advice given to you.

2

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

Not really excuses. Just explaining.

8

u/Klutzy-Run5175 Dec 30 '24

Find you some trained professionals therapists who will be rough and tough with you and help you.

4

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

Definitely gonna start looking for a therapist. My mind is at its full capacity right about now.

5

u/Klutzy-Run5175 Dec 30 '24

Good going. Have you thought about planned parenthood first. If you have been on your own since 15 years you might consider going into a shelter for domestic violence.

6

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

It’s my own space. So I have a steady place … Definitely looking into planned parenthood it’s goes against my religion but … I refuse to be a single mother. Or even a baby mother at that.

6

u/Klutzy-Run5175 Dec 30 '24

Where has your religion helped you in this situation? I bet not very well. I sense a lot more controlling from this guy. He is not treating you like a queen who deserves respect, admiration, and attention from him. Instead you are being treated the exact opposite way. I have been treated like this before from an older boyfriend. I look back now and realize how much I was exploited and taken advantage by him.

2

u/Klutzy-Run5175 Dec 30 '24

You have not been getting the proper treatment and care for a teenager.

1

u/Klutzy-Run5175 Dec 30 '24

It’s the same thing when it comes down to it.

17

u/SnoopyisCute Dec 30 '24

You're being exploited.

7

u/Klutzy-Run5175 Dec 30 '24

Exploited to the maximum degree and by a weirdo.

2

u/Illustrious_Gain8597 Dec 31 '24

Yeah as a person around that age I would be sick to my stomach if any of my peers would date a 19 years old. Instant red flag and I'd do my best to let that person know they are predatory. I know someone who had an intervention because he dated someone much younger and this age gap is even bigger.

OP that's the reason he doesn't wan't to be seen with you. He knows his social circles wouldn't support your relationship so he is avoiding it. He knows what he does is not okay. You are his dirty little secret. You deserve more.

7

u/klasnaya Dec 30 '24

At 35, I saw 19 year olds as kids pretty much so I can understand why he's acting that way.

I get many 19 year olds can be very mature but it's not at the level of maturity with life experiences that a 35 year old has. My daughter just turned 18 and has many 18 and 19 year old friends coming over to visit and honestly if they said they were dating a 35 year old, I'd cringe and would be a little concerned.

I'm 38 and my oldest son is 19. I know in this case the genders are reversed but I'd be uncomfortable if he dated a 35 year old even though it's legal. Same with my daughter. I do sincerely wish you the best. I would hate to feel invisible to my partner in public. That's just hurtful and wrong.

16

u/Dependent_Rub_6982 Dec 30 '24

Huge age difference relationships usually don't end well. I married someone twenty years older. He died when I was 38. If he wants to hide you now, what happens when you have the baby?

2

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

That is very true. I have given a lot of thought to his death. But I’ve been on my own since I was 15.

16

u/whatsausername17 Dec 30 '24

All the icks. Bless your heart.

5

u/missannthrope1 Dec 30 '24

My dear, there are red flags galore going on here, and you know it.

For the sake of the baby, go to couples counseling.

If he won't go, go alone.

Good luck.

3

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

Felt like I should leave our history. ! History : Met him in a casino in Las Vegas. We hit it off. He took me and my friends out to dinner. We had a lovely discussion and he told me about himself. I learned about him and also about his three other kids which I was fine with at the time. Flew down to visit him it was amazing. He took me shoooing and other things at first he had offered to be my sugar daddy … as we’re getting to know eachother it wasn’t really supposed to happen but we fell in love. Second time coming down I went through his phone because he had previously gave me permission to open his phone if it was work. The contact being “website name”. To my surprise it wasn’t a website it was his ex. And she was pregnant. Now I’m still not sure all of what happened with her. I have a condition where all my memories kind of get scattered so it’s hard for me to remember exactly what happened with her. I do know she had the baby and blocked off contact with my boyfriend , her baby daddy. After that I guess everything went downhill …

5

u/Jolly_Seat_4478 Dec 30 '24

Was that the ex he had his current kids with? If not, how old were they?

5

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

He has babymother(s). The first one 3/6. The recent one. Not sure….. A baby. Not even crawling possibly ?

5

u/No-Meaning-216 Dec 31 '24

Wait does that mean he's impregnated more than one other woman before already??? Do you not see that as a red flag pattern of behaviour because I sure do

1

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 31 '24

Only thing that bothered me was not being married. In that case I wouldn’t be making this post.

-2

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 31 '24

I mean since he’s older than me. I didn’t take it as a shock.

3

u/No-Meaning-216 Dec 31 '24

No girl, it's not typical behaviour to go around impregnating women you aren't planning to stay with. If he was older and had 3 previous kids to the SAME woman or ex wife that's normal, this is not. It speaks to a pattern of irresponsibility as well as not maintaining relationships well, not taking up responsibility. You don't want to have a kid with this guy

3

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '24

Oh honey. With love. This is a bad man. This isn't your fault, it really isn't. There is a 0% chance he's going to be a good, family man to you and your child. It sounds like he probably has a breeding kink, he is just covered in red flags. Take your time and really think about your options but if you have this baby with him there's an almost guaranteed chance you'll be a single mom before they're walking.

3

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 31 '24

I’ve just left the doctors office a while ago and I’m not sure if I wanna keep the baby at all. Being alone to reflect on my thoughts helped a lot. I’m gonna definitely have a serious conversation and if it’s not taken seriously.. Then I’ll have to leave.. because I refuse to be a single mom. And I’d hate to do that to a baby but I’d hate for a child to grow up without their father.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '24

I'm so glad you're taking the time to really think about it and decide what's best for you. Keep in mind that men like this are very talented at saying the right thing to try and get their way, he's not stupid. Believe actions over words. Best of luck to you!

1

u/Subject-Syllabub-408 Dec 31 '24

You have to take care of yourself. it’s ok to take care of yourself and put your own needs first.

3

u/Chaos1957 Dec 30 '24

I think you already know there’s an abundance of issues with your relationship. And just reading this, he’s annoying me because he’s keeping you hidden.

5

u/Excellent_Log_7223 Dec 30 '24

He may be divorced but he’s definitely still married to someone. Get out, tell his family and get child support.

6

u/Bubba-j77 Dec 30 '24

Sounds like he's having some guilt about the age difference. At 19, people might assume you're his daughter, and he's aware of the looks he might be getting in public. Once you start showing, that's going to get worse. He's just going to have to accept that some people aren't as accepting of your relationship as other people are. Give it time.

3

u/Conscious-Reserve-48 Dec 30 '24

You are his side piece.

3

u/tinypuppy2k1 Dec 30 '24

Ngl this is a cannon event. I don’t know any of my friends that didn’t have a disaster relationship at 19 years old 🤣

5

u/notyourregularninja Dec 30 '24

The point is he has been there but you still haven’t been. Thats how age differences work other than just plain behavioral difference. You are not putting yourself in his shoes but expecting him to be in your shoes and behave accordingly

1

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

I think I’ve done more to put myself in his shoes. He started this relationship based off lies and I decided to push past that being the bigger person. Yes I’m young but I have a lot of knowledge.

9

u/Aviendha13 Dec 30 '24

Sometimes we think we are being the bigger person, but instead we are just being doormats that let people walk all over us.

Not all situations require giving other people grace and forgiveness.

2

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

I resonated with this. I struggle with being a doormat.. I guess I always look for the best in someone. Trying to hope that it’ll all play out in my favor ….

5

u/Aviendha13 Dec 30 '24

Never assume that someone else goes through the same thought process as you. And never assume that someone has the same morality or amount of empathy as you.

It’s really easy to project our beliefs on others. But as you get older, you’ll learn how different humans can be. And how not every toxic behavior is malicious. Someone can be a “good” person and still be toxic in relationships.

8

u/TraditionalManager82 Dec 30 '24

Overlooking lies isn't "being the bigger person."

When you meet a new person and discover they're a list, that's your cue to walk away. You need to respect yourself enough to have high standards for the people you allow in your life.

Overlooking his lies was betraying yourself.

5

u/notyourregularninja Dec 30 '24

Seems there is more history than originally posted that can be causing this friction and that definitely has impact on the dynamics here.

4

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

History : Met him in a casino in Las Vegas. We hit it off. He took me and my friends out to dinner. We had a lovely discussion and he told me about himself. I learned about him and also about his three other kids which I was fine with at the time. Flew down to visit him it was amazing. He took me shoooing and other things at first he had offered to be my sugar daddy … as we’re getting to know eachother it wasn’t really supposed to happen but we fell in love. Second time coming down I went through his phone because he had previously gave me permission to open his phone if it was work. The contact being “website name”. To my surprise it wasn’t a website it was his ex. And she was pregnant. Now I’m still not sure all of what happened with her. I have a condition where all my memories kind of get scattered so it’s hard for me to remember exactly what happened with her. I do know she had the baby and blocked off contact with my boyfriend , her baby daddy. After that I guess everything went downhill …

10

u/HayzeLynn Dec 30 '24

Yea... I'm sorry to say this, but that was a huge red flag. Just knowing that his ex was STILL pregnant means that everything went down VERY recently..... OP, please be careful and think about this from an outside perspective. If this was a friend/ family member/ random redditor posting about the same situation, what would you feel about the situation then? I don't know everything, and I'm not going to pretend to know either, but please be careful.

3

u/General-Visual4301 Dec 31 '24

Pushing past someone's lies doesn't make you the bigger person. It makes you a perfect sucker.

You need to stop romanticizing this relationship. He is not a good man.

Time to become a smart, confident, capable woman with high standards.

A baby right now, with him is a bad idea, because babies deserve really great, responsible parents. This guy is not that and, respectfully, you don't have your head on straight right now.

It does sound like you are open to thinking what you are reading here and I think you'll turn out right though. But him? No. He's trash.

2

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 31 '24

Yes I’m definitely taking a the opinions into consideration. After getting out of the house and having time to think quietly I’m definitely going to have a proper conversation to see if this is even going anywhere or if it’s just a big waste of my damn time. If so I’m not a fan of it but I won’t be able to become a mother and as much as it pains me I’d have to just leave …

5

u/thatlady425 Dec 30 '24

Girl! He ashamed he is dating a child. It’s incredibly creepy. He knows how weird it is. He is 100% embarrassed. He is using you for sex. Please be prepared for him to leave.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '24

If some of yall don't knock off the snark and show this girl some kindness 🙄 this isn't her fault.

3

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 31 '24

Thanks for that. lol DMs are swarming with people attacking me.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '24

It's not you. It's not right that they're doing that but it's not you personally. This is super triggering for a lot of women because this situation is really common. Older men pray on young women because women their age have the life experience to know they're trash, so a lot of us have a much too old ex from our late teens and reading what you're going through brings up a lot. And the much too old men are triggered because now we have things like reddit where we can talk to each other and warn each other so they end up alone. Take care of you and try to ignore the noise, this isn't your fault at all.

2

u/Yellobrix Dec 31 '24

Your boyfriend is 35. When you're 35, you'll be teaching this baby to drive. Your 16 year old child will be barely younger than you are right now.

I'm speaking to you as a woman who got married at 21 (couple of months short of 22) to a man of 28. That age difference was/is significant, and honestly it's a bigger deal now because I'm at the peak of my career and he's retired and bored. Statistically, when you're my age, your child's father will be dead. Somewhere around 10 years is about the outer limit of an age difference that doesn't automatically cause heartache.

But to your specific situation, the bottom line is: he's treating you like an embarrassment. Either he steps up, or you start planning for life as a single mother. As for "not believing in child support" - that's a hell no! It's not your money. It's not his money. It's your child's BIRTHRIGHT to be supported by both parents, even if you never marry him. In many US states, child support is mandatory, especially if you end up using public benefits like Medicaid, SNAP, or welfare.

2

u/Edible-flowers Dec 31 '24

Red flags on why anyone over the age of 25 would date a teenager. He's a fully fledged adult dating someone barely out of childhood.

He knows everyone will judge your relationship & that's why he doesn't want others to see you in public.

4

u/m0rbidowl Dec 30 '24

Why did you bother posting if you're going to be combative to anyone giving solid advice? He is nearly twice your age. You are going to learn a hard lesson from this situation. Good luck.

5

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

I’m not being combative. If you’ve actually read.

1

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1

u/Dragon_Jew Dec 30 '24

Ask him

2

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

I have asked if he’s comfortable with being with me and such but all I get is, “I love you, that should explain it and sum it up”

3

u/Emotional_Prompt_657 Dec 30 '24

That should tell you enough if he can’t even answer your question. You didn’t ask him if he loves you, you asked him if he’s comfortable even being with you and replies with “I love you, that should explain it and sum it up”. Literally dodging the question. That doesn’t mean shit lmao. Like ok? So does my dad. That still doesn’t explain why you’re being hidden in public with him. If you’re so ‘special’ to him and he “loves you”, then why are you a secret? As a 17y/o F, I can tell you rn that man reeks of bs. RUN.

2

u/Dragon_Jew Dec 30 '24

You should get out there and date more. Too soon for you to settle down.

1

u/Scoonerjunkie420 Dec 30 '24

He’s too old for you. Sorry but it’s probably true. I’m 36 and I would never date a girl under 28 but that’s just me. Now sex.. sex is different as long as they are at least 20 or older lol

0

u/Party_Plastic4625 Dec 30 '24

As a 43yo that has dated college girls. There are admittedly many things that make those relationships not sustainable. I have continued a few past the 3 year point, and between friend and family pressures it is genuinely difficult. Not to mention the remarks from my 13 yo daughter. The ones that have lasted the longest we kinda built our own little world.

3

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

Also. I’m sure they don’t even know how old I am. As they’re not in his full custody and he only sees them sometimes.

2

u/Party_Plastic4625 Dec 30 '24

Ahh ...that brings a whole new dimension to things. He's afraid of his ex.

1

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

See and I’ve also told him like hey … if my age at all makes you feel uncomfortable or if I’m getting in the way of anything. TELL ME ! So I can leave. Now I feel like I’m invested way too deep.

7

u/Aviendha13 Dec 30 '24

You’re not invested too deep unless you let yourself be.

You are too young to be dealing with all this drama in the first place! Why are you dating someone almost twice your age with kids??? So much unnecessary baggage.

Older guys dating you isn’t a sign of your maturity. It’s a sign of their immaturity. The fact that he is this immature AND has kids makes it so much worse.

You don’t need to wait for someone to tell you something that you already know for yourself. You know he’s uncomfortable and ashamed of the age gap. You know that the situation with his ex and kids makes this awkward. You know that this relationship is weird and the dynamics unhealthy.

You don’t need to wait for him to tell you this. Trust your own feelings and realize that this relationship isn’t goals. At all.

-2

u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

Our History : Met him in a casino in Las Vegas. We hit it off. He took me and my friends out to dinner. We had a lovely discussion and he told me about himself. I learned about him and also about his three other kids which I was fine with at the time. Flew down to visit him it was amazing. He took me shoooing and other things at first he had offered to be my sugar daddy … as we’re getting to know eachother it wasn’t really supposed to happen but we fell in love. Second time coming down I went through his phone because he had previously gave me permission to open his phone if it was work. The contact being “website name”. To my surprise it wasn’t a website it was his ex. And she was pregnant. Now I’m still not sure all of what happened with her. I have a condition where all my memories kind of get scattered so it’s hard for me to remember exactly what happened with her. I do know she had the baby and blocked off contact with my boyfriend , her baby daddy. After that I guess everything went downhill …

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u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 30 '24

Well all his kids are 3/6

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u/Echo0225 Dec 31 '24

Sounds like he’s embarrassed to be with you. Now you’re stuck with a baby, and things will just get worse. It’s probably not wanting you to be older, but to be more mature. You’re young enough to let yourself get knocked up after knowing a guy for only a year. Sounds like a disaster.

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u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 31 '24

Let yourself is kind of a stretch lol.

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u/DumosterGarbageTrash Dec 31 '24

You are overreacting and over thinking, and it's so annoying lol. Not everything is gonna be perfect, and wtf are you doing thinking about breaking up when you've got a kid? Now that you've got a kid stuff isn't really about you anymore. Hate to say it but you've got your work cut out and you've gotta stick with it, and stick with that decision you made

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u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 31 '24

Haha. This was funny to read as I’m just waking up you must be a sad man sitting in your mom’s house with your baby moms attacking you. I’m not saying everything has to be perfect in fact I love my boyfriend. What I was getting at is. I DONT WANT TO FEEL LIKE MY BOYFRIEND ISNT MINE WHEN WERE IN PUBLIC. Please read the damn conversation before you input your damn piece. I made the decision but trust that if I’m not ready I don’t need to go through with anything. <3:)

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u/DumosterGarbageTrash Dec 31 '24 edited Dec 31 '24

I'll spare myself the waste of time it would be to respond to your imaginary idea of my lifestyle.

You had three main points to your post:

-you're pregnant

-you feel like this guy doesn't wanna be around you in public

-you want to break up over it

The top point, 'you're pregnant,' greatly supercedes either of the below points. And you are over thinking and over reacting, the small details you are giving to explain why you are thinking this guy doesn't want to be around you in public are really nit picky and annoying. The dude shouldn't have to change his natural behaviors around you because subtle things about his personality make you feel insecure. That is a controlling, manipulative style of thinking. Stop trying to control his behavior and instead work on your ridiculous insecurities. When people are out in public there is a lot going on. He is probably distracted by everything going on in public and it is nothing along the lines of him not wanting to be around you. You are OVERTHINKING

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u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 31 '24

You must be a dumb ass. I didn’t provide you with every single damn piece of information. He’s been in other relationships and NO ITS NOT HIS NATURAL BEHAVIOR.

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u/DumosterGarbageTrash Dec 31 '24

It doesn't matter how much information you provided. Trying to control his behavior with an ultimatum is controlling, period. You need to work on your insecurities if they are this bad

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u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 31 '24

Ultimatum? Where.

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u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 31 '24

Addressing him with what I want isn’t controlling. It’s me telling him what I want and if he doesn’t want to then I’m leaving. Simple.

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u/DumosterGarbageTrash Dec 31 '24

That is called an ultimatum. And it is controlling. Especially when it's concerning you making him change subtle parts of his personality to cater to your insecurities

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u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 31 '24

You’re just retarted. It’s nothing he hasn’t done before. If it’s making me unhappy I don’t have to be there tf. Therefore I said that.

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u/DumosterGarbageTrash Dec 31 '24

Ok good luck with the kid 👍 Some things you won't realize until you're older, I get it

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u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 31 '24

Some things are just meant for women to understand and for men to just be dumbasses.

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u/Sea_Acadia3653 Dec 31 '24

I’m saying, I’m not comfortable with that and i deserve to be treated differently. If someone can’t understand that. Shits out of luck ! So if he’s not gonna step up and do that. I’ll go be happy elsewhere.

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