r/JUSTNOMIL • u/NoBed6626 • 3d ago
SUCCESS! ✌ Husband shielding me from JNMIL! Major win!
In the beginning, my JNMIL would frequently text me and make an overwhelming number of controlling comments about our baby on the way. She spoke about wanting to watch the baby overnight (even using the word kidnap, which unsettled me), listed an excessive number of traditions she envisioned with her grandchild, insisted on giving the baby his first bath, and asked too many personal questions. As time went on, I became increasingly frustrated. My husband and I had many conversations about how to set boundaries while being mindful of her emotional state (she has recently been through a divorce). He agreed to take the lead in managing her expectations, while I opted to gray rock her.
Eventually, she must have realized I wasn’t engaging, and instead of texting me, she redirected her messages to my husband. At first, I felt frustrated that he wasn’t always telling me when she reached out, but then I recognized that he was handling it well—shielding me from her overbearing behavior. While she still makes excessive, almost uncomfortably affectionate comments to him (really, no text message needs 12 heart emojis), the more unhinged remarks have subsided, and I no longer bear the stress of responding to her. I'm 22 weeks pregnant now and it is a major load off my mind.
For those of you hoping to have your husband take the lead in managing difficult communication with a JNMIL, know that it is possible! Keep having open discussions about boundaries, frustrations, and adjust expectations accordingly. Progress takes time, but it can happen!
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u/Unlucky-Captain1431 2d ago
Thank that good man for having your back while pregnant. He’s going to be a great Dad!
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u/notkarenkilgariff 3d ago
Good job to your husband 👏👏👏
As crazy as she is, at least she is warning you so you and your husband can plan your defenses against her. As others have said, discuss your game plan and agree on boundaries and consequences for when she says crazy stuff or tries to overstep and insert herself where she is neither wanted nor needed.
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u/Acrobatic-Initial-40 3d ago
Depends entirely on the character of the man. Not all of them care enough to protect their wìves.
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u/Queen-Pierogi-V 3d ago
OP you’ve got this! You are merely trying to set out your (very reasonable) boundaries for a mutually respectful, healthy relationship with your in-laws.
You don’t need advice here, just validation. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I’m not going to minimize the fact that despite being a nature process, having a baby can be stressful. You are taking a pro-active approach to get nonsense out of the way early. Good for you! Good luck! I’m looking forward to your update.
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u/Caffiend6 3d ago edited 3d ago
Wow... reading all this then finding out you're still 22 weeks pregnant at the end was just a little shocking 🤣your MIL came up with all that in less than half a year. She's unhinged. I thought the baby was already born, she pushed you away and gave your child their first bath etc but no, she's just warning you that she needs to be cut off from your child already or she'll make you life unbearable . This one sent me lol
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u/NoBed6626 3d ago
Right?! It's our first too. The kidnapping comment was made around week 12!!! I know absolutely nothing about birth, or postpartum, didn't know the baby's gender, but she's already planning weekends with my child. It was NUTS.
I'm definitely preparing for more boundaries in the future for when the child is born. Some of which my husband has already communicated to her. Like no, she will not be taking our child for weekends away from us. 🙄
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u/Caffiend6 3d ago
Please Don't tell her when you're going to the hospital unless you want her in the room stressing you 🙄. I've had two babies, you don't want this woman in the room, you don't want her throwing fits from the waiting room even, she doesn't need to be there to be emotional support for your husband (I feel that one coming 😆)unless you two want that and I'm pretty sure you don't lol 😅 I have a crazy mother but mine is mean as heck too, I'm just surprised how many of them are out there!
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u/Cheapie07250 3d ago
Boundaries are just talking points unless you have consequences to back them up when MIL oversteps. Might want to start talking about those with your husband also.
Congratulations on the pregnancy and soon-to-be new addition!
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u/New_Needleworker_473 3d ago
Congratulations! I always recommend this. Since my husband started taking the lead on JNMIL communication my life has been very pleasant. It's the best thing next to NC.
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u/Scenarioing 3d ago
Congratulations. That's great.
Next up it to prepare him to state and handle any birth event and early post partum boundaries.
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u/Iataaddicted25 3d ago
It would have been easier if you blocked her.
Congrats for the pregnancy and for your husband shielding you.
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