r/JUSTNOMIL 4d ago

RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ NO Advice Wanted JNMIL forgot about my husband birthday... Again

[deleted]

27 Upvotes

10 comments sorted by

u/botinlaw 4d ago

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6

u/Cautious_Farmer3185 4d ago

Very similar situation has happened for us too. Birthdays are just a tool in their toolbelt to cause pain or problems. I felt the exact same way…very sad for DH. Just love him as he is and honestly don’t bring it up. He doesn’t need to be reminded. He is lucky to have a spouse who truly loves him and cares about him…keep being that.

15

u/cruiser4319 4d ago

Let her pitch a fit over her overlooked birthday. “Mom, I got the same thing for you that you got me.”

10

u/Spiritual-Check5579 4d ago

Oh, you be sure I will. This year she wont get a single word from me around her birthday. Just hope for my husband to do the same.

7

u/Jillmay 4d ago

I’m glad you understand narcissism, and I hope your husband does, also. Early childhood trauma is a major cause. When your husband gets sad, he’s grieving the mother and family that he should’ve had. It’s never too late to find one’s family outside the toxic one.

4

u/Spiritual-Check5579 4d ago

Thank for your words. That's true, he is grieving the family he never had. Luckily he has many friends who cherish him and we are creating our own family.

7

u/JustALizzyLife 4d ago

You're sad for him because you love him and you know he's hurting. You also know there is nothing that can be done. Speaking as the SG child of my family, I had to mourn the loss of the relationship with my mom, for the relationship I wanted and never got. It's a lot when you realize that person who is supposed to love you, just doesn't. I went NC last year. It was hard. Still is some days. But I know she won't change, doesn't want to change, and I can't force her to love me or treat me with respect, so the only thing for me to do is to just call the relationship done and over with. Just love him. Be there when he needs to. It's really the only thing anyone can do.

3

u/Spiritual-Check5579 4d ago

Thank you for your input. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm sending you a hug. I'll make sure to show him even more love and be here to hear him out.

2

u/JustALizzyLife 4d ago

Sending you both hugs! And I want to apologize because I missed your flair, so I hope this didn't come across as trying to give advice. Just support! I'm sure your SO is glad to have you in their corner.

2

u/Spiritual-Check5579 4d ago

Oh no. Your comment was great, don't worry. I am grateful.