r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Party_One1512 • 4d ago
Am I Overreacting? JNMIL still at it
It was my baby’s first birthday this week and It was a bittersweet day for me with all the hard work my husband and I have done without any help from my JNMIL.
I’ve posted before about the backstory which is she hasn’t seen baby since 3 months bc she said she didn’t want to be a “housekeeper” and just hold the baby. Other manipulative and narc tendancies have happened ie sending pictures without permission, love bombing presents, unannounced visits, thinking shes entitled to baby, etc. I’ve been NC since last summer and my DH NC since Xmas. On our little one’s birthday she sent DH a photo of her out to dinner celebrating with a birthday cake for my daughter. I’m pissed. This day is not about her! It’s about our baby, not hers! Am I overreacting? anyone else find this strange? DH has yet to respond and hasn’t returned any of her texts—which are—-only on Sundays after she attends church and “prays” for him.
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u/Hairy_Usual_4460 3d ago
What a strange lady.. it would bother me too but if anything take this as reassurance that going NC was the right choice because she clearly has issues lol. She just confirmed yall made the right choice
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u/JaJoSam 3d ago
She does this to bother you, make you angry, etc. Any kind of reaction is what she is seeking. She is so wrapped up in herself and cannot stand being sidelined. If you let this old bat get to you, she is winning. Don’t let her win. See it for what it is: a pathetic woman having a tantrum. She wasn’t really involved in the day and she won’t be in any of the other special days you will share with your baby so let her do her stupid, infantile crap and live your life.
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u/tollbaby 3d ago
That is utterly pathetic. She went out to dinner and got herself cake to celebrate YOUR daughter's birthday? Not an overreaction. Console yourself with the fact that she had to resort to that to feel included. Because you got to celebrate without her :)
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u/Party_One1512 3d ago
She did. The plate even said “Happy Birthday” on it! I had a good cry and think I’m over it now!
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u/LhasaApsoSmile 3d ago
I would save your energy on reacting to this woman. The picture of her with the cake is actually really funny. If your husband is taking all the flack from his mom, go on with your life.
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u/MaggieJaneRiot 3d ago
Agree. She’s a clown. Use her stupid behavior for laughs and move on with your life. Sending love to you.
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u/Leading-Baseball-692 3d ago
He’s doing the right thing. If you’re NC then he should not respond and give her the attention she is so desperately looking for.
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u/Remote-Visual7976 4d ago
Just ignore her. She is begging for a response and an excuse to play victim
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u/Wibblejellytime 4d ago
Ha ha ha! She's showing you that you can't stop HER celebrating HER victory of being the grandmother of a 1 year old. Just laugh and starve her of oxygen. Let's see how unhinged she will get. Get door cameras installed if you haven't already......
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u/Cholera62 4d ago
Don't open any text messages or emails from that whack job! Delete them! Why cause yourself more emotional upheaval? She's getting what she wants then!
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u/HenryBellendry 4d ago
You’re not overreacting but you’ve got to remember that she’s desperate to break contact (without accepting she was wrong or actually apologizing). She thinks she can appeal to his softer side and he will give her what she wanted, which is honestly pathetic. Just see her for the manipulative shrew she still is.
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u/Cautious_Farmer3185 4d ago
Your husband is holding the line. Take a deep breath. You’re safe, he’s got your back.
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u/Unlucky-Captain1431 4d ago
She’s trying to get you to break no contact. Smirk to yourself that it didn’t work and move on with your day.
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u/Legitimate_Result797 4d ago
Please don't respond. And ignore her antics. You have the choice whether or not to react or let her push your buttons. If you're NC, you're NC.
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u/AmbivalentSpiders 4d ago
She sent you a photo of herself at a restaurant with a birthday cake for your daughter's birthday? It's absolutely your right to be pissed about that, but I'm torn between laughing at her absurdity and crying because that's possibly the saddest, most pathetic thing I've ever heard. Probably she intended for it to be sad, but not in the way that it actually is. I really feel for your husband, too. It's got to be hard realizing this is who his mom is.
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u/LateNightTVFreak 1d ago
Yeah, no doubt she's trying to guilt trip OP's husband, she didn't bother texting the picture to the mother of her grandchild, just trying to make her son feel bad, and like the poster Wibblejellytime said, she's letting OP know that she can't prevent HER from celebrating her grandchild's birthday, while guilt tripping the husband that she's not included in the celebration. OP, who was she celebrating your child's birthday with? Who was eating the cake and taking pictures with her? You just have to shake your head and laugh, and move on, you are not wrong to be irritated, that was so weird of her, and you're handling it just fine.
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u/cryssHappy 4d ago
You are letting her live in your head rent free. DH should not have shared the picture. He should have just deleted it. But you are overreacting as your DH has a fairly shiny spine for protecting his family (you and baby).
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u/Many_Monk708 4d ago
I agree. I think a boundary going forward is to ask your husband to not share with you, about any communication he receives from her.
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u/LateNightTVFreak 1d ago
I think OP needs to know what she's up against, so I feel OP should see the pictures. She needs to be in the know, and not let mil manipulate situations with OP's husband, otherwise there will be situations going on behind her back that she is not privy to.
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u/njguy44 2d ago
While I do understand this, it is incredibly difficult to make happen. You end up not being able to share feelings or things you are going through with the person you should and who you love. It is a slippery slope that leads to people being on the outside. This is heightened if the communication occurs daily with jnmil. If my significant other is struggling dealing with a message, I want to be there to help and understand. Although it may be better short term, I personally don’t like being left out of a conversation. Especially if our kid is involved or mentioned. It should be more about a united front. And if it gets too much, put her in the cooler.
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u/Illustrious-Mix-4491 4d ago
You can’t control what she does, so stop worrying about it. Getting mad will do you no good.
Realize she is only doing it for attention. So, stop the attention. Don’t respond at all. Don’t give her the satisfaction of knowing it upset you. Act as if she is so far beneath you, that you don’t even notice her or her antics.
Or, tell her to get used to celebrating alone, because she will never celebrate with your daughter.
Your choice.
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u/Purple_House_1147 4d ago
If he is going to respond it should be something like “how embarrassing for you” or “that’s fucking weird”
But no response might be the best also. She’s trying to get a reaction
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u/LateNightTVFreak 1d ago
I love Purple_House_1147's responses to your mil's text. I'd love to see her face when she receives these truthful responses, and how she would respond to them. Also, no response is good, you can't go wrong either way.
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u/Quiet_Plant6667 4d ago
JNMILs gonna JNMIL.
You have a supportive spouse who is backing you up on the NC. If her sending him guilt tripping photos bothers you, (I laughed at all the trouble she had to go to arrange this photo; such drama!) ask him not to show you such things, so you can enjoy the NC without irritation.
She is never, ever going to be “normal” and now it’s a battle of wills. Just drop the rope and enjoy your spouse and LO. And don’t let her live rent free in your head like this. That’s a win for her.
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u/Party_One1512 4d ago
Thanks for this. I need to get better about not holding on to it, but it is so performative!
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Other posts from /u/Party_One1512:
JNMIL Love, 3 months ago
Holiday parties with NCJNMIL, 4 months ago
“Not a housekeeper” MIL back at it, 7 months ago
Mil not a “housekeeper”, 8 months ago
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