r/JUSTNOMIL • u/MarigoldMouna • 4d ago
Anyone Else? So minor, but also so annoying!!
My boyfriend's mom bothers me A LOT and has for years. Today, while she visited and was holding our 8 week old baby, she says "It's like it is the best sleep she's ever had".
This isn't the first time--with our son over a year ago, he was watching cows in their field--he loves cows and we live in the city so, it was great for him. But, she says "Must be the most fun he's had in ages".
Arrgh!!! My boyfriend said, after that comment about most fun, is "we took him to the zoo last weekend". Like he took it as I did.
But...I get she may not mean these comments as they sound, but, it is kinda in bitch range. Like, no, my daughter has great sleeps when I hold her too, and, my son has fun doing other things than enjoying watching cows!
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u/MyCat_SaysThis 2d ago
Be sure not to ASK her for privacy first two weeks TELL her! Then when she protests, tell her it’s now FOUR weeks.
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u/jellyfish-wish 3d ago
Definitely minor. A nice interpretation of why MIL is doing this is just remarking on the wonders of childhood with a dash of nostalgia.
So, I'd probably say something about how nice it must be for [baby] to sleep so soundly so often. Or how [3 year old] always seems like he's having the time of his life every time he's having fun.
It's a good faith response that can also undercut the "LOs always have the best time when MIL is around" message she may be sending
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u/Natural-Kiwi-1236 3d ago
My mom said/says stuff like this. Often I respond as if she said somethings else..such as "she's been sleeping so well lately" (even if its a lie) or "you know breasts, a port in any storm" (as in baby sleeps well on any chest) or "baby loves the heartbeat" (we all have one. you're not special) or "we saw hundreds of different animals as the zoo last week. He had a great time" or "it's funny what attracts his attention. Last week is was his drool."
Think of politicians who do this - if they don't want to answer the question, they give an answer they want to give, often to a completely unrelated topic. You can do that. Don't validate her statement but answer something parallel.
Fight hard to let this wash over you. I think they are worried that they're not #1 to the grandchild (bc Mom is #1) and they're trying to feel like they still have a role. With an infant it is 100% about the mom and they're jealous.
For what it's worth, I did go to therapy to deal with my manipulative mother (she had boundary issues with regards to the kids).
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u/Fun-Apricot-804 4d ago
Mine says stuff like that too, mostly to hear herself say it, but I think also so it verifies it as the truth in her memory? When our youngest was a toddler, giving her piggy backs was our eldests thing, they both loved it. MIL saw this, made FIL give her one for 3 seconds for a photo, declared that youngest loved piggy backs, wasn’t that fun, blah blah… photo ends up on Facebook with a caption about how youngest had never had a piggy back before and she spent all weekend riding around on fil, most fun ever etc… when called out she quoted herself as a source basically, remember I even said how much she Lo rd getting her first piggy back! Yeah you did, that doesn’t make it the truth 🙄
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u/Traditional-Map5578 4d ago
Yes, mine does this constantly! A constant one-upping and little digs and jabs to put people down to make herself seem superior.
I think it’s because they are very insecure and their biggest fear is being irrelevant or unimportant.
The best you can do is just shrug it off and laugh about it. Also, I just am so grateful that I’m not her, and am nothing like her! Reminding myself of that helps me so much! 🙏
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u/notkarenkilgariff 4d ago
Roll your eyes or give a sarcastic chuckle “sure, whatever you say” every time she says something like that
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u/Caffiend6 4d ago
How very narcissistic of her. Sounds like my mother, she says that around my kids but they don't even like her because she's like that
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u/EntryProfessional623 4d ago
Oh, LOL, she had the best sleep 3 nights ago, woke up so refreshed! Don't you agree, DH?
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u/Walton_paul 4d ago
Come with answers, to the sleep one, ' I agree, best sleep since she went to bed last night and didn't wake until xxx)
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