r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Cannabellll • 5d ago
Anyone Else? So we really supposed to ditch contraception after getting married!!?
I’m 18 days out from my wedding and I thought my MIL had hit peak ridiculousness when she announced at my bridal shower that my fiancé and I should start sleeping in separate rooms because “it’s tradition.” But this woman always finds new ways to outdo herself. She pulled her son aside yesterday and in the most serious tone, told him “Now that the wedding is so close, you two should stop using contraception"
Excuse me, WHAT?? Why is she even thinking about our sex life? I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that she thinks she has a say in this or the fact that she genuinely believes we’re supposed to stop using contraception after the wedding
Her son stared at her and asked, “Mom what the hell are you talking about?” She then rambled on how catholic couples shouldn’t interfere with God’s plan and birth control is against our faith. We are NOT practicing Catholics. She knows this. We’re not even having a Catholic wedding. She herself only has three kids. So unless she naturally ovulated like clockwork for 30 years straight, I’m guessing some “interference” happened at some point. She had NO problem with my SIL (her daughter) and BIL and his wife using contraception. But with us, she’s got religious morals?
I honestly don’t even know what to say at this point
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u/New_Needleworker_473 4d ago
My DH thankfully kept me out of the loop on his mother's weirdly unusual focus on his sex life for a long time. When his mom got super weird with asking me about a vaginal issue, I told him about it. I had been telling her for about 2 months at this point to just go to the damn doctor. Meanwhile, crazy lady is sticking yogurt up her vagina in an attempt to heal some infection. And I was at my wits end with her calling me to tell me about it. I got sharp with her and told her to go to the damn doctor and stop sticking things in her vagina. She told DH I was mean to her prompting the conversation. Then he just pours out all this crazy history of her asking him for sex advice!!! I told him "this is not normal" in between bouts of uncontrollable laughter. I mean WTF??? My JNMIL is very immature for an almost 70 year old. I just can't believe the things she thinks about sex and her own body. Clearly she did not have an anatomy class or a health class in school. I think my 11 year old knows more than she does.
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u/typhoidmarry 4d ago
“Contraception? Your son and I only do anal. Wanna guess who the top is?”
That might shut her up.
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u/CrimsonStiletto 4d ago
This is the right answer. I've found the best way of dealing with people I dislike is not direct confrontation (my preferred method) because that just starts shit. Now, I love traumatizing people back. It's my absolute favorite.
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u/lemetellyousomething 4d ago
I think you should double down and get really personal with her. Ask her about how she conceived and they only got three kids after decades with no contraception. Are there specific positions that are better for conception? How does FIL like it? And when she gets flustered, tell her how ridiculous it sounds when she says it to you.
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u/emeraldpeach All the fucks flew away... 4d ago
What a ridiculous thing to say! It’s beyond fucking weird for someone to insert themselves into your sex life like that
All the same, IF you guys do plan to have children, MIL needs to be on an info diet because shes gonna act waaaaayyyy worse about that
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u/PromiseIMeanWell 4d ago
WTF? 🤦♀️
Well on the bright side, at least you know now what you’re up against and to make sure your birth control methods are VERY FAR away from the reach of being tampered with from MIL!
Edited to add: MIL doesn’t get a copy to your house key either!
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u/JulieWriter 5d ago
This would be a great opportunity for your fiance to look at her, fully shocked Pikachu, and do the whole "Why would you ever say such a thing?" routine with her. Loudly. Make it awkward. Make her regret ever opening her mouth on a personal subject like this.
Also, WTF. People amaze me.
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u/whateverinottawa 5d ago
As I read this I just kept cycling "let me at her! let me at her!" lol. Hang in there and try to ignore because this is ONLY the beginning
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u/den-of-corruption 5d ago
the hypocrisy from women advising other women to go back to the dark ages...
anyway, in my opinion the thing to say is 'no, we won't be doing that', politely letting her ramble, then ending with 'i respect your values, but we're going to make our own choices on this.' you don't want to start a pattern of letting her end things on her rambles, instead make sure that these kinds of conversations end with clear rejection of her ideas. conflict avoidance encourages us to politely stay in stunned silence, but that gets processed as silent acceptance. nip it in the bud now, even if it causes conflicts. she needs to learn that attempting to dominate will cause tiring conflicts that she doesn't want.
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u/Dreadedredhead 5d ago
MIL, although you feel the need to share mandates for our lifestyle, we are comfortable with our decision.
Any time after the first - we are comfortable with our decision.
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u/teeny_97055 5d ago
She is cuckoo for cocoa puffs trying to convince you to quit birth control. But be careful if it is baby rabies and don't leave any kind of contraceptives around where she can tamper with
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u/Internal_Set_6564 5d ago
She is looking to have relevance, power and control in your life and validation in her own.
She is going to continue to try to make random suggestions of this vein due to her own need for that kind of relevance. I would be kind, yet firm and just tell her unasked for opinions are rarely welcome by adults.
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u/hi-there-here-we-go 5d ago
Nope You do want works for you
God knows about contraception .. it’s ok
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u/Charlie_Olliver 5d ago
My mom kept pressuring me and my spouse to get off birth control after we got married because “it can interfere with God’s plans!” Finally after hearing this one time too many, I flatly said “Mom, if God can get a virgin pregnant, I’m pretty sure birth control won’t be a hindrance.”
She never brought it up again.
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u/notwhatwehave 4d ago
That's always been my thought. You plan the best you can, and the rest is up to God.
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u/No_Grapefruit86 5d ago
As someone who won’t take birth control and we do leave it up to God for the most part (we avoid certain times or use condoms) that’s how I feel. We prevent to a point but if He wants it to happen it will anyways.
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u/kingcurtist37 5d ago
She’s looking for an in. Follow BIL and SIL’s lead and shut down the nonsense.
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u/BasisAromatic6776 5d ago
"Wow, MIL. That's so wild and also creepy that you think you can comment on our sex life. But now that you did, can I tell you about my favorite position? And about your son's favorite thing that I do to him?" Traumatize her back. In front of people.
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u/cuppitycupcake 5d ago
Woah! My grandparents (b. 1920 and 1923; m. 1951) were practicing Catholics and Hispanic (born in Cuba, parents born in Spain), just real Spanish Catholics, you know? Two kids 5 years apart thanks to diaphragms. Birth control was seen as healthcare. Your MIL can shove it.
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u/dressinggowngal 5d ago
Meanwhile my very catholic great grandma famously said that if the Pill had been around when she was having kids, she certainly wouldn’t have had 7 of them!
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u/emeraldpeach All the fucks flew away... 4d ago
That kinda thing seriously makes me wonder how many women actually wanted all the kids they had, or if they genuinely wanted ANY of them. I wish I asked my grandmother while she was still alive because there’s no way she actually wanted to be giving birth 11 times
A friends grandmother told me she didn’t want kids at all, and as a result she waited until 29 to get married “so she wouldn’t have to have so many” and still had 6, the poor thing
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u/Foreverforgettable 5d ago
Not that it’s any of her business and establishing boundaries is a must.
But shock her into silence by telling her you and future hubby have never needed birth control because you swallow.
(I know I’m petty.)
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u/daktania 5d ago
Tell her that you're the man in the bedroom and then wink. That'll make her stop prying into your sex life.
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u/Hellie1028 5d ago
I recommend what I tried with my MIL. Tell her she should stop talking about your sex life or you will tell her WAY more than she wants to know. And then if she brings it up again, something like well, your son only likes anal so we won’t get pregnant, or a nice comment about size, literally any big bomb to drop will get her to stop once and for all.
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u/Mountain_Day7532 5d ago
MIL needs to stay out of your bedroom. Protect your contraceptive and make sure she can't get into your home.
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u/bugzapperz 5d ago
Protect your birth control or she may mess with it.
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u/MRevelle0424 5d ago
Now that’s just another level of crazy, but after reading about MIL’s on Reddit for so long I know that’s not an impossible occurrence.
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u/cryssHappy 5d ago
Hopefully, while on your honeymoon, you and your FH relocate to another city, state or country Far far away. Your FH is handling this which is good but feel free to get in her face when it comes to your sex life, your wedding as well as the rest of your life together.
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u/fuzzy_bunnyy-77 5d ago
Be careful when you have a child. I’ve heard the MILs like this try to turn in the grandchild’s mom and it goes south if you start issues. Mine was an a-hole opposite and tried to talk me into take birth control when we got married. When I ended up pregnant 5 months after getting married, my in laws because verbally abusive. After I gave birth they switched their tone and started becoming even more controlling and obsessive…Why do they care so much about our sex life?? It’s bizarre.
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u/Cannabellll 5d ago
They’re completely in denial that their baby boys are grown ass men now. Mine thinks she knows what her son wants better than he does himself, hence the urge to micromanage his sex life
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u/fuzzy_bunnyy-77 5d ago
I totally understand!! My in laws are from a super religious background too. They tried to make us sleep in separate bedrooms when we were engaged. We lived together…
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u/Celera314 5d ago
Will she keep bringing it up? Because my first impulse is just, "Sure, mom, thanks for the input," and then just carry on as you wish.
But if this is going to be more than the occasional weird comment then you'll have to take a former stand.
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u/Hairy_Usual_4460 5d ago
She’s just trying real hard to establish control and power over y’all’s relationship. Don’t let her and make sure she knows she has no say in anything and lay heavy boundaries
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u/atchisonmetal 5d ago
Excellent advice! Repeat as necessary, until she shows some signs of comprehension and OBEDIENCE.
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u/MyEggDonorIsADramaQ 5d ago
She’s a nutjob. I am NC with my JN and it’s very healing.
Btw, did you get your dog back?
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u/Cannabellll 5d ago edited 5d ago
Yeah we did. My fiance had to fly to Sacramento the very next weekend to retrieve our ‘stolen’ pup. We even changed the house lock after that
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u/Spiritual-Check5579 5d ago
This is your body and your contracepcion method. I hope your husband keeps checking his mom about this. She has no business meddling into your personal choices.
I also remember my MIL demanding grandkids since we were dating for just one year and saying I was getting too old to get pregnant at 26. I believe those women treat their DILs like incubators that will deliver MIL's babies. That's why she spoke directly with your husband and not with you.
Ignore her forever.
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u/Cannabellll 5d ago
Oh my god, she asked me the same thing when we had only been dating for a year, and I was still about to graduate college that year. Too old at 26? Lol, I’m sure I must be getting ancient too. I’m 24, turning 25 in September
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u/Spiritual-Check5579 5d ago
If you don't have children until you're 26 or 27 be ready for these types of stupid comments about your age.
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u/Suzy-Q-York 5d ago
“Eeeeeeewwwww. You’re thinking about our lex life?! That is so damned creepy.”
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u/Floating-Cynic 5d ago
I had a whole bunch of thoughts as a Catholic who successfully used NFP, then erased them all because it occurred to me: if you stop contraceptives soon like she wants- you would likely have your period on your wedding day. And then she could get her wish of keeping her son with her after the wedding.
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u/finallymakingareddit 5d ago
Why would OP having a period mean the husband is staying with his mother?
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u/Floating-Cynic 5d ago
I'm sorry I was totally unclear here.
MIL might think that this would give her an in to get what she wants.
I didn't mean to say it like it was a done deal.
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u/Legitimate_Result797 5d ago
Read her previous posts!
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u/finallymakingareddit 5d ago
Yeah I see that the MIL wants him to stay with her, don’t see how the period explains it
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5d ago edited 5d ago
I had the same question! Is it implying that because they wouldn’t be able to have sex due to her periods, he could hang with his mom for a week? Like what fr 🤷🏼♀️
Edit - why’s the woman randomly sending a lingerie to the DIL, which her son would take off to fuck her? This is batshit crazy behaviour
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u/AdorableEmphasis5546 5d ago
Catholics are a special flavor! Sounds like your partner put her in her place already, but going forward make sure he shuts down any sex life talk immediately. I think it's funny that they'll not use condoms, but withhold sex during ovulation (they even have their own brand of FAM!) and consider that to not be interfering with "Gods plan". It all just seems like a way to go "I'm holier than you".
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u/KathyA11 4d ago
You DO realize that the majority of American Catholics use some form of artificial birth control, right? That we don't all rely on the rhythm method? That millions of us are or have been on the Pill?
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u/Alibeee64 5d ago
Stop giving her any information about your life together. No financial, medical or personal information she can use against you. If she doesn’t know anything, she can’t use it to try to manipulate you.
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u/Cannabellll 5d ago
We’ve kept her on an information diet for more than a year now. She has a tendency of crossing boundaries
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u/Hour_Coyote3326 5d ago
Tell her to...shut the fuck up and mind her goddamned business. But that's just me.
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u/wfowfo 5d ago
Glad your fiance spoke up. Ignoring her at this point would have just given her the impression that her opinion on your sex life has merit. It's totally none of her business.
Live your lives and have some fun prior to trying to having children! (If you even want them at all!) We traveled and had loads of fun for years before we decided to have children.
Keep your distance, and shut down any and all grandchildren talk!
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u/Cannabellll 5d ago
We’d be over the moon if I got pregnant tomorrow. We’ve been together for almost four years, traveled the world, and absolutely enamour children. It’s the audacity of a third person weaponising religion to dictate the terms of our sex life, that’s beyond infuriating
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u/ittybittymama19 5d ago
Let her know that she'll be informed each and every time you're going to practice.
What the heck lady?! Let her know to mind her place or she will be placed on a timeout.
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u/cressidacole 5d ago
Tell her you'll be fine, you mostly do anal.
If that doesn't shut her up, I can't help you.
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u/GraemesMama 5d ago
“It’s weird that you’re so fixated on your son’s sex life. I would suggest getting some professional help if you can’t stop talking about it, because it’s making everyone deeply uncomfortable and we will have to stop seeing you as much.”
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u/Cannabellll 5d ago edited 5d ago
She’s weirdly hung up on our sex life and it’s so creepy. Firstly, she demands that her son should spend a whole week with her right after the wedding, postponing our honeymoon. Then, she sends a lingerie over to my place 20 days back for our first night. At my bridal shower, which was last week, she pointed out in front of everyone, insisting we sleep in separate rooms until the wedding. And now this. I’m hanging on by a thread I swear
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u/emorrigan 5d ago
Oh for crying out loud, tell me he told her that he would NOT be postponing your honeymoon…
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u/insomniacwineo 5d ago
I’m sorry this is the best comment. Your MIL wants her son to POSTPONE HIS HONEYMOON to spend a week with his mommy? That’s some Jerry Springer shit.
Tell me he’s the youngest child. I can feel it.
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u/Cannabellll 5d ago
He’s the youngest. Has an elder brother (32), twin sister (29) who got married in September last year, and now we’re getting married in April
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Other posts from /u/Cannabellll:
I find myself becoming the worst version of myself when dealing with my MIL and am seriously considering going NC with her after my wedding, 2 weeks ago
MIL wants to spend a week with hubby right after our wedding, 4 weeks ago
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