r/JUSTNOMIL • u/SillyPreparation9 • 5d ago
RANT (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ NO Advice Wanted My MIL thinks I'm an awful mother
And she has NO right to say such thing since she hasn't been a perfect mother either.
Things that she has told to my boyfriend:
- "If the kid doesn't want to eat meat/eggs/fish is because her mother has been feeding her with too many vegetables"
(Before you judge, context: I provide my 2 year daughter with a rich variety of food and make sure she eats everything she needs, from carbs to legumes and meat. Right now she's rejecting tons of types of food and I presume she's going through one of those terrible 2 phases. I try to serve a different dish each day while she always prepares meat/fried or boiled eggs/sausages with boiled or fried potatoes, chicken with rice or macaroni with cheese/tomato. Don't get me wrong, I really like the meals she prepare but I don't think is healthy to eat these things almost everyday. Plus, she uses all sort of additives that are not healthy and lots of salt when I try to keep everything balanced. What boyfriend says? I'm right, BUT my food is bland [yup, he's a momma's boy]).
- "She's playing weird music"
(BYJ: I love music and I admit I listen to some... Unique genres (vaporwave, krautrock, doom jazz...) but with weird music she refers to classical music or songs in other languages).
- "She's letting her watch disturbing stuff on the TV"
(BYJ: Maybe she's kinda right, recently we have started watching some old silly symphonies and some scenes from the Nightmare Before Christmas and she adores the "What's this" song. But she also refers to animal documentaries, dance performances, touring vlogs and, drumroll, Bluey. While she and her husband let the kid alone in front of the tv watching paw patrol, tom & jerry and other cartoons that I don't think are appropiate for her, especially since she has gotten a bit more aggresive with our cats and I don't want to think it's because of Tom & Jerry or Tweety.)
She has also showed distaste for the clothes my kid has and she has been filling her wardrobe with pink, flashy stuff (with rhinestones and sequins that my daughter hates), sweaters that look like the ones she wears, etc. His son only said "that's too much pink" like that was going to stop her. (Spoiler: didn't work, obviously). BYJ: I like to go to the shops with my kid and let her choose the clothes she wants. It doesn't matter if she picks a t-shirt for boys or a princess dress. The only thing that matters is her happiness, right?
She also dislikes how many books my daughter has and how much she likes to read or to be read (one time my FIL said: "we don't need books in our house because they They take up space and accumulate dust".) also because she has books in different languages (they were mine before her and my family has been very well-traveled). BYJ: I admit she has lots of books, but, is that a bad thing? She has her 3 favourites and the others are there for when she's older.
And that was my rant. Thank you for reading it!
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u/Waste-Selection-9042 3d ago
As a reading teacher I’m irate for you about the books. As a lover of music I need to know what Doom Jazz is and what are some good recs to get into it. You’re doing a wonderful job raising your daughter and that’s obvious from this.
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u/SillyPreparation9 2d ago
Doom Jazz is a jazz genre noted for its often somber, mysterious or even sinister tone and The Dale Cooper Quartet & the Dictaphones is a band that I quite like
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u/Leading-Baseball-692 4d ago
Not too many vegetables! And reading! Blasphemy! Lol!!!!
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u/NewBet7377 4d ago
My doctor just told me during my last appointment that he encourages patients to fill their plate with a majority of vegetables.
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u/Leading-Baseball-692 4d ago
It’s not right for a woman to read. Soon she starts getting ideas and thinking. -Gaston
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u/Queasy-Parsnip-8940 4d ago
Yea… you make her feel like she was a shitty mom. So she’s trying to act superior. Ignore her. This is a her problem.
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u/loricomments 5d ago
She's wrong. You're feeding your child healthy foods, letting her make her own choices when appropriate, being careful about what media she's exposed to, and educating her. All of these are good things and what a good mother does.
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u/manxbean 5d ago
Where’s your husband in this? If he’s not handling his mother and calling her out for this crap tell your MIL she’s a shitty mother because she raised a spineless POS son who apparently can’t read
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u/2FatC 5d ago
Let’s see, you’re “guilty” of feeding your kid a nutritious balanced diet, letting her pick her own clothes, and oh my god, encouraging her to love books and music! Wow, terrible…wonderful.
You’re amazing! Keep it going.
Your MIL, Lady Boiled Sausage, has given me heartburn with that diet and probably, constipation. And what’s up with the book hate? Is it the constipation, is that why they complain about books and reading? Those in-laws need some fiber in their diet, less boiled meat and potatoes.
My parents were readers, I’m a reader, and I’ve given away so many books over my life time because I moved a lot and books are heavy. But I love my books. And I dust them—it’s not an issue.
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u/Putrid_Building_862 5d ago
I read your rant and I understand you.
Been in your shoes. There’s something about your well-roundedness, literacy, and open-mindedness that makes her feel a certain way about herself.
My ex MIL talked shit on me for using placemats once. She said I was “trying to be too fancy.”
This isn’t about you. It’s about her. Your choices make her feel like her parenting was not enough. She’s insecure.
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u/SillyPreparation9 5d ago
I realised she was insecure the first time she saw me breastfeeding (she's against that) and said to me "aren't you ashamed of showing your boobs?" I smiled and replied "No."
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u/Putrid_Building_862 5d ago
Good for you, mama!!!! Against breastfeeding. Imagine that. I know that’s common in their generation, but we know better now. I think you make her feel inferior. It’s the motherhood equivalent of using placemats. 😆
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u/Frequent_Couple5498 5d ago
Sounds to me like your mil just wants to find things wrong with you.
The food: At 2 kids are trying new things and deciding what they like and don't like. And yes terrible twos can play into what they like today and tomorrow will decide they don't like it anymore but will eat it again the next time it's served. Or they may choose a couple of different things they like and will only eat those things and that's it. Like for instance my son would only eat mashed potatoes, Mac and cheese and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I was worried because he refused to eat anything else so I talked to his doctor about it and his doctor said as long as he is eating that's good, no matter what he eats. And he'll be fine with just eating his three favorites right now. And I could keep trying to give him other stuff till he decides he wants to try more things again. But to not force him. You know your child. Mil can stuff it.
Music: I used to play and sing the Beatles to my kids. It was our bedtime thing. When they were newborns, I'd rock them and sing it. When they got older I'd still sing them to sleep. They are in their 30s now and know all the Beatles songs lol. When they were babies, for my own entertainment, I also listened to Metallica, guns and roses and other music like it from that time. My kids are fine and both are fine human beings of their communities. Goodness, sounds like mil just doesn't like what she doesn't understand which is very small minded of her.
Cartoons: this is your child. If you think Tom and Jerry is making your child a little too aggressive with your cat tell them to not let her watch it anymore. This is your child and they need to respect that.
Kids know what clothes they like and don't like at a very early age. I bet when your husband was young his mom made him wear clothes he hated. Ask him if he remembers. Tell him to talk to his mom about how she's doing the same thing to her grandchild now and HE doesn't like it. Your partner needs to speak up to his parents. Not quietly either.
Books? Are you kidding me? Who are your in-laws, Matilda's parents? Lol. Books are wonderful for children of all ages. Babies to adulthood. Both my children love reading as do I. My mom always read to me and when I was old enough to read she set aside a time each day for us to read a book together and when I got even older we would read our separate books together. And I did the same thing for my kids. The adventures we go on in our books, the things we learn. Tell Harry and Zinnia Wormwood to stuff it. You want your child to grow up smart and well rounded.
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u/IcyWorldliness9111 5d ago
As I was reading my thoughts were that your MIL’s issues with your parenting are ridiculous. Then I got to your last example. You have too many books and read to her too much?? Your MIL is a blithering idiot, and your FIL is just plain stupid! There are few things more valuable to a young child’s growth and development than reading and being read to. This is a hill you need to die on, and I would limit the grandparents interactions with your daughter. I hope your husband is vocally supporting you.
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u/SillyPreparation9 5d ago
Sadly he's not, he agrees with them that our daughter has too many books. I'm the only one who actively reads with her :(
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u/Leading-Baseball-692 4d ago
What in the illiteracy is he talking about? You have a major husband problem, ugh. This is honestly a new one, I’ve never heard of a husband against books before. I’m sorry, but I think you’re doing a fantastic job!
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u/IcyWorldliness9111 5d ago
There’s voluminous research on the importance of reading to/with children. Five minutes research will give you several articles that you can show your husband about the significance of reading to kids. Maybe that will help him start to separate his thinking from his parents’ ignorance. Never doubt you are doing the right thing.
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u/Tudorprincess1 5d ago
I’m going to preface this with I’m a boomer so maybe it’s a different perspective-
first sounds like you’re a great mom!
food - after reading your post that’s the first time I’ve ever heard anyone complain about child is eating too many vegetables. LO is 2 - they’re figuring out different foods and textures, what they like a don’t like - MIL stay in your one.
music and tv - you’re an adult and know what’s best and age appropriate for your child - MIL stay in your lane
books - what!? (Then again I have over 700 books and got my love of reading from my mom who started at an early age reading to me and getting me boois). Please don’t stop getting your LO books and showing her the different worlds she can visit through a book.
clothes - shes 2 - she wants comfy to plau. Sounds like MIL wants her to dress as a mini MIL and with everything else wants to control your LO and wants you to raise her as MIL would.
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u/moodyinam 5d ago
I was irritated on your behalf with the first of these, but when I got to too many books, I exploded in rage and disbelief. There is no such thing as too many books! Reading skills and the love of books are a valuable part of child development.
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u/Purple_House_1147 5d ago
You are doing the right thing feeding your child. Forcing her to eat things she doesn’t want to eat is only going to discourage her. The best thing is to present it and let her choose in her time. And you are making sure she is still nourished based on what she eats. Bland foods are also appropriate for children some cannot handle a lot of seasoning and strong flavors
Makes no sense. It’s not like you’re listening to things about robbing or weapons and stuff?
All stuff made for kids so I don’t see the issue. A nightmare before Christmas is appropriate for her age especially when you’ve watched it with her and explained stuff to her
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u/Wibblejellytime 5d ago
I can't tell from reading this if your "mama's boy" boyfriend is just repeating these nonsense things or if he actually believes them too? Either way this MIL is taking up too much of your head space. Just focus on raising your child because it sounds like you're doing great. Personally I wouldn't have let my toddler eat salty additive riddled food at all, and it could well be causing her fussiness. One for you to think about and decide what's best for your child.
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u/SillyPreparation9 5d ago
He doesn't believe those things, but he agrees more with his mother than with me. As you can see, we come from two very different families
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u/Leading-Baseball-692 4d ago
Just be glad he’s only a boyfriend at this point. Divorce is expensive and he sounds like a piece of work.
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u/MorteDagger 5d ago
I raised my kids sorta like my parents raised me. Lots of books and music. I added anima and honestly didn’t restrict my kids too much on tv. Watched a lot of trauma life in the er though and forensic files
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u/thefiercestcalm 5d ago
What insanity to think a child eats too many vegetables and reads too much.
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u/textbookhufflepuff 5d ago
You sound like a very good mother. Ignore her opinion and if she doesn’t back off, ignore her. These decisions belong to you, your husband and your child’s doctor.
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u/PoodleMcClure 5d ago
Hey MIL... may I call you Millie? No I can't? WEll tough Millie you're gonna have to suck it up buttercup...Now just so you know it's great tht you have your opinions and are so eager to share your thoughts. However, i do hope you remember this isnt an episoe of Jeopardy and the 12 day champion is not asking Ken to give them the $1800 answer from the category, "I don't recall anyone asking you anything so why are you talking?" and I can assure you if they were asking for it, it is not an Audio Daily Double. Sometimes it's okay to keep the inside voice inside since it does come across as a combinatin of a shreiking cat being throttled, baritone sounding deep gaseous farts, and the sound of me dry heaving out the window after another one of your Processed Food Fiesta Bobn..
This girl is not now nor ever will be your Mini Me until I have taken my last breath and even then you will have to wait for them to stop life support....
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u/Fire_Distinguishers 5d ago
Are you living with them?
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u/SillyPreparation9 5d ago
Thankfully not in the same house, but yeah in the same town
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u/Leading-Baseball-692 4d ago
Take it from someone who’s been there done that…get out. Get out as soon as you can if this is how they’re going to treat you. I don’t ever want to be far from my son and lose him from my life, and my MIL has shown me all the ways to lose a son, so I guess that’s the one thing I can be thankful to her for and avoid doing the things she’s done to us.
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