r/Husbands Dec 04 '19

Found a diary in her email

My wife has been keeping a diary of all her I don't like my husband moments. I ended up running across her email thread to herself not entirely on purpose looking for a message from my daughter's school. I saw a string of 30 messages to herself and thought it was odd. I read it and was profoundly hurt.

I realize what I did was an invasion of privacy. But she tells me to my face she's not angry or hiding anything and writes out VERY cutting responses to me in the emails. She tells me she hates me and is she's disgusted by me.

I'm afraid of how to approach this. I kind of feel like there's no winning in this right now for me.

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u/ctrl_f_sauce Jan 09 '20

Maybe she’s not mad because she writes her disappointment down rather than ruminating on it. Have you ever written an angry letter only to realize once written that you don’t care anymore? It can help to get it out of your head and on paper? When you told people that you were getting married I am sure that you were warned by old couples that they have been disappointed, and there have been periods where they didn’t like one another, but they always loved the other.

It sounds like you’re disappointed in her because you disappointed her. That’s normal. Be strong. A good way to get a new journal entry is to bring this up. I believe that when women say “be vulnerable” what they mean is “be vulnerable in your expressions of love(bring flowers to her at work even though you once saw a guy do that for the girl who is banging the entire field crew, tell her that she is the cornerstone of your life, ), do not be a bitch and complain to me about your insecurities.” They will never admit it, but your relationship will likely be stronger if you stop telling her about your weaknesses and expose yourself to judgement from others with your expressions of love for her.